Struggling with one but feeling broody

[Allegrogirl]

I'm new to MN but I hope you don't mind me having a moan.

I have an 18 month girl who is wonderful but exhausting. I have a fairly demanding job but I get 3 afternoons a week off. I am constantly exhausted and don't feel I am on top of things at work or home. I find it almost impossible to get a lot done around the house when dd is awake as I want to give her lots of attention due to working mum guilt, and I enjoy her company. We have clean clothes and we eat well but there's dust everywhere.

I am starting to want another baby but dh is just finishing a degree and we can't afford it until he gets a job which is really stressing me out. I am also feel that my reason for wanting a second is to make up for the stressful birth and early months with dd as if I can get it right second time around.

I keep dwelling on the early months in an unhealthy way. I feel guilty for giving dd ff so dh could give me a break as I was useless at expressing. I'd wanted to bf up to a year but gave up at 7 months as it was so hard. I have had CBT through work which helped but I spend too much time worrying about dd and feeling inadequate.

PND was mentioned at 6 week check up and by a couple of HVs since. I told them I was fine and they left me to get on with it. Is it too late to address these issues?

You really shouldn't feel inadequate or guilty! It sounds as if you are doing a brilliant job with working nearly full time and caring for your DD. Please don't beat yourself up about only bf until 7 months. This is great and far longer than most people! It sounds as if you are the king of person who is used to setting yourself v hight standards. However, sometimes, to retain your sanity, you have to relax them and compromise a little! I'm sure it isn't too late to address your issues.

FWIW...I know exactly what you mean by "wanting to get it right the second time round" being part of the broodiness.

Wanting to succeed at the things you feel you 'failed' at, have a better labour, a more empowered pregnancy, make the most of the maternity leave instead of beingtired and emotional throughout etc etc.

Still only the one child here...