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Original poster

gangs in our area..what on earth should i do?

20 replies

reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 13:34

i am really not sure what to do on this one. A young boy, a friend of one of my kids, had told him some older boys have asked him to sell jewelry for them and he will be allowed to keep the money he makes. if he does that right, then he can sell something else. asked by my child what he will spend the money on and this kid (aged 9) says 'accessories that good boys shouldn't have'. he also told my child not to tell anyone about this, and picked up a large spanner when he said that and indicated he'd hit my child with it if he revealed anything. he has also said these boys say he is smart and so will be able to rob without getting caught.

now...what do i do?
I tried to call his school this morning but the school secretary wouldn't let me speak to the head or child protection officer without giving my name, which i am not prepared to do as i do not want to jeapordise my son's safety...this kid knows where we live and this conversation in fact took place in my house.
I tried to call the safer neighbourhods police team and after 4 calls they came back to me with a number to ring which could help me. i rang it, it doesn't exist. I am getting a bit exasperated. I know I have to intervene somehow as if this was my kid I would want someone to. I cannot speak to his mother as she is an utter dimwit and i have no confidence she won't immediately go and tell her son t hat i have told her, in which case my son could be at risk.

any thoughts ladies??

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 13/05/2009 13:42

If you give your name, they will not reveal it. The boy will never know who gave the game away. But you and your ds may have to testify to the conversation that took place. They have to do this otherwise they'd be inundated with anonymous and false calls and information.

Trust me, they absolutely cannot reveal your name. Ring the school again and ask to speak to the Head, you can reveal your name to him and him alone. Everyone who works in a school is aware of the procedures and we all have to make sure that whatever is said to us about a child or a child's family, stays with us and goes no further. We could lose our jobs otherwise.

This boy is dangerous and he may well be targeting other boys. If you come forward now, you may well encourage other boys and their mums to come forward with info too.

This boy is only 9 and you need to report this not only for your ds's protection, but for the protection of this boy.

Rhubarb · 13/05/2009 13:44

Oh and yes, you CAN insist on speaking to the Head WITHOUT giving your name. Tell her it's a Child Protection Issue and you are not obliged, by law, to give a school secretary your details. Say you are prepared to pass your full details onto the Head, but you are not prepared to tell her anything about you. If she refuses then tell her that you will call Social Services and complain about her attitude.

Original poster
reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 13:47

ok. i will do that now.
its awful. i am just so worried that if he knows who gave the game away, him and this gang of boys will target my son who in a short time will be making his way to secondary school and back every day, alone, without me. it is terrifying.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 13/05/2009 13:54

If they are targeting other boys, then who's to say which one has told on them? Plus your ds needs to see that you are acting on the info he's given you. He needs to see that this behaviour is not right. If your ds is 100% assured of your full support and backing, it'll be a lot easier for him to stand up to these kinds of bullies when he's older.

The secretary has no right to refuse to put you through to the Head, you can complain about that. It's for the Head to decide whether to take your call or not, not her.

NoFurtherQuestions · 13/05/2009 13:58

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Original poster
reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 14:03

sorted it. have spoken to someone and feel much better now. however they said they will have to get social services involved as i revelaed that the kid is left on his own an awful lot. i feel a mixture of terrible at betraying a fellow mum, and relieved that i feel i have done something productive. i don't think the mum is malicious, i just think she is a bit naive about the level of danger her child is in being left alone.

OP posts:
jellybelly25 · 13/05/2009 14:06

i think you did the right thing

Original poster
reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 14:10

thank you. it#d be so much nicer though if we could sort these things out amongst ourselves without involving police or 'authorities' - if i could go and have a chat with her, without risk to me/my kids, i would do it in a moment,,,i'm possibly being really wimpy by doing this as maybe it would be fine, but all the stuff about gangs / guns./ knives etc i just cannot take the risk can i?

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NoFurtherQuestions · 13/05/2009 14:12

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NoFurtherQuestions · 13/05/2009 14:14

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Original poster
reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 14:17

yes we;re in east london lots of trouble around here but luckily thus far we have been completely immune. possibly becasue all my kids are under 10!

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NoFurtherQuestions · 13/05/2009 14:21

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Rhubarb · 13/05/2009 14:21

You did the right thing. If you spoke to the mum she's bound to tell her boy. Plus she may even feel intimidated by him herself. No, she needs help too. Glad you got to speak to someone.

Original poster
reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 14:25

yes..i grew up around here though, admittedly it was 20 years ago, but there was nothing like this kind of grooming going on. it is distressing how these kids are inflicting this chain of life ruining awfulness on each other. just horrific.

OP posts:
NoFurtherQuestions · 13/05/2009 14:28

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Original poster
reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 14:30

it does. i know. its so sad. it also ( and i hate to say this as i am a proud east london girl) it makes me want to run for hills of hampstead or highgate or something. which is so crap as the reason i'm raining my kids in east london is so that they can hook up with everyone from all diff walks of life and have a ball meeting so many different people. so to rush off back to white middle class land at the first whiff of trouble is just pathetic. but also tempting!

OP posts:
spokette · 13/05/2009 14:58

"so to rush off back to white middle class land at the first whiff of trouble is just pathetic. but also tempting!"

Yeah, because you never get any trouble in white middle class land do you.

Original poster
reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 15:00

well you get less.
sorry - is it controvertial to say that teenage gangs are not made up of white middle class kids? or any colour middle class kids for that matter?

OP posts:
spokette · 13/05/2009 15:17

No just pointing out that even in nice white middle class area, you get gangs. I know because I live in one and the police presence has been increased as a result.

Original poster
reallylostitnow · 13/05/2009 18:09

o right well thank you for telling me that. its just not as bad or inescapable - if you live in estate for example, it is difficult to live your life if you have encourntered a gang without encountering it again and again, which makes avoiding it difficult. if you live in a street where the gang has to come and find you, you are a bit more out of the way and so its easier. or something

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