So............I confess...........:-(

[ohdear01]

Today I bit my dd...

She is 4 and went through a stage around 6 months ago of biting (having only started preschool in sept..). We managed to get over the whole biting issues with her and I thought we had moved on..

BUT........tonight ds (2 yrs) came screaming to me and holding his back. I asked dd what had happened and she confessed all. That she had bitten him .

I checked ds and sure enough, a big red bite mark. I smacked tapped her bottom and she laughed at me.. so I took her to the naughty mat and once there I bit her arm to show her how wrong it it (not hard may I add..)..I know I know I feel soooooooooooo bad and feel like maybe she will now grow up to hate me..

Atm she seems to vary between being an angel or being such a handful and the naughty mat seems to have little effect...

I don't know why I did it, I guess seeing the mark she had left on ds saddened me.. At bath time 2 hrs later ds's mark was still very visable..(her's wasn't btw)

Have I caused her problems mentally..? Just worry that her memory of being 4 will be "when mummy bit me"

I feel so very bad atm....

Thankyou for the reasurrance HHH & Iamalso....

Iamalso, I am trying to have more patience esp with dd. She starts school in sept and it is making me think about the fact that she is no longer my baby and that the last 4 yrs have flown by..

BUT that said, I guess I expect her to know more about whats right/wrong and to be a role model for ds YET she is still really a baby ..?

ohdear01 My two DSs used to bite each other .... at different times, one or other got the worst of it. On one notable occasion, DS1 (then 4) bit DS2 (2 ish) on the face, drawing blood. Well, I felt physically sick, and walloped DS1 on the bum, SO hard. I have never felt so angry, and I definitely do not agree with smacking. What made it worse was that I did not feel bad straight away, unlike you.

It is a sign that you need to try another approach, but no, it won't leave lasting damage, and you said sorry. Please try and move on.

You need the film crew.

If there had been anyone else around, you would never have done that, right?

So, from now on, imagine you have a film crew following you around, watching your every parental move. You'll be parenting like Ma Walton before you can say "Little House on the Prarie!"

Also, people will judge. You posted. they judge. It's not illegal and the police won't come! Try to stop with the defensive "Well done you...." line. It's sure to get backs up and right now, you can live without it.

ohdear Yes, at 4 they do start to know right from wrong, but their ability to control their impulses is far from perfect.

Bet she doesn't bite anyone else, and I bet in a year this will be a distant memory.

Doodle2U the film crew is a great idea.

It is amazing how creative and considered you can be in your parenting if someone else is watching

They just test you so much don't they? All the time.
Could you try and have some time alone with just you and your DD? Perhaps she is upset that you have time alone with your DS? She feels like she is missing out?
Maybe when she comes home from preschool she is tired and more likely to misbehave?
My DS's have been feral the past few days, after a weekend where they were fab, there is sometimes no rhyme or reason! I just try and be consistent and stay as calm as possible.
But I get it wrong and end up shouting and then feel like shit. Often.

Ah, yes Doodle, the filmcrew.
I use this now after it was mentioned on MN.
Even if you don't feel much like it, just pretending to be the "perfect calm Mother" where others can see you, works wonders.

I know she starts school in september[is that full time or part time] but she is little still.
I think we have so many expectations placed upon us as parents tht sometimes our kids are on the receiving end of this.
As I said I have had many a time when I have thought I am not a fit mum and that he would be better without me but we get through it cos as I said we are learning and you have learnt not to bit again.
Tis really hard being a mom but just go and gaze at her whilst she is asleep and you will only have to look at her flushed cheeks , and smell her lovely smell and her contented face and then realise you are doing an ok job.
take care ohdear

Iamalso, thankyou . You are right,dispite the ups/downs she is a well balanced and content little girl.
Thing is, at preschool she is a saint (Im told so..) and never steps out of place. I should be proud that the time she chooses to let off steam is once home...in her own environment.. (btw, she starts full time come sept)

Doodle,thats a very good idea. I have started over the last week to be alot more calmer and am trying to get myself on the right track with regards to shouting/patience etc but just sad that after good few days this then happens... The film crew is sure to get me back on track..

Thankyou everyone for your advice x