Question about engaging/ spending quality time with your young child

[CrushWithEyeliner]

I am curious if others experience the same problem as me.

As life in itself is so busy with lots of stuff to organise, phonecalls, emails admin that makes the world go around.
As well as generally rushing around like a mad person. I find I am barely able to finish a conversation with 2yo DD without something interrupting, or having to juggle 5 things at once. It is so difficult to set aside real quality time with her, the type she gets with Dad at bathtime and story for eg. and grandparents on their visits.

I feel I am so busy doing all the practical things I am missing out on just larking about and fun and games with her. Will this affect her negatively? I am quite worried about it and feel she will not like me as much as her other family. I know that sounds crazy btw but I hope you see what I mean....

I feel the same way crush, have ds nearly 4 and now a 22 day old dd.

I'm the one who does all the organising and keeps things ticking along, dh is a really good help but I do quite a lot

Dh often says leave that or you don't need to clean that but no-one else will iyswim so it would just be put off till I did it anyway

I have felt for ages though that my ds will only see me as doing stuff and not a fun mummy but I find it hard to fit anything else in as I work full time as well

feel guilty at times that I don't spend enough quality time but cannot see any way round it apart from having a cleaner maybe and a cook!

I'm the same. Whenever one of the DC asks me to do something with them I always seem to be busy with some household task or other. When I do finally get around to sitting down with one of them, the other two DC will need something practical doing for them.

I worry that they will grow up feeling I never played with them. We go out with them alot to the park, museums, cinema etc, but don't seem to do much sitting at home playing games.

Me too, I have 3 year old and 3 month old. DS1 has been noticably asking me to help him or play with him this week as he is obviously feeling hard done by. It's heartbreaking. I always seem to be seeing to the baby or loading the washing machine.

I work FT and don't get home until 7pm. DD is 3.8 and DS is 20 months. When I walk through the door I just drop everything and spend half and hour rolling around on the floor with them and then do story and bed with DS then with DD.

I try to prioritise some kind of fun family activity at the weekend, and will often take DC's to the park on my own to give DH a break (he is SAHD).

I know this doesn't help those with the opposite problem, of being the person running the house largely, and doing primary childcare, but I don't think DH has the same issues, and I wonder if it's because of the unconventional division of labour we have.

For e.g, I totally realise how hard it is being at home with two kids, so if he needs shopping doing, he'll email me and I do it in my lunch hour and bring it home in the car. We do our big shops solo on a weekend over a lunchtime whilst DS is sleeping.

We have a cleaner. I know it's not something everyone can afford but by christ, it is the best £45 a week we spend as a family. It means we none of us do any proper cleaning other than mopping up surfaces in the kitchen and sweeping up debris from under dining room table. We don't do any ironing either.

DH IS constantly loading the washing machine and hanging it out, but beyond that I don't know what else he's doing round the house. He gets to focus on the kids. Food for the kids is either made and frozen in advance by me and or DH in the evenings (spag bols sauce, chilli con carne, sheps pie, fish pies etc) or is sandwiches, egg on toast, fish fingers type stuff that you can chuck together in 20 mins.

I feel we have a good partnership mostly bourne out of the fact that we both have an appreciation for what it's like to be in each others shoes.

DH loves to do the garden, and now the weather is better, they are all out there together having fun and digging etc. There are a million ways to spend quality time and you all sound so lovely it breaks my heart that you are killing yourselves with all this maternal guilt.

BOURNE??? I've got matt damon on my mind!

Born out of...

I think what Sycamoretree says makes a lot of sense. Teamwork between the home-person and the work-person is crucial.

Dh will usually put a wash on or fill/empty the dishwasher before he leaves the house in the morning and he'll pick up shopping for me if things are hectic. He does other stuff too, but on Friday evenings he'll help me blast stuff so that the house doesn't look too battle-scarred for the weekend.

I got out of the habit of making double meals (one for now and one for the freezer) recently and it floored me. I am not the most organised person in the world, but using time efficiently is something I've learnt.

It makes sense too to get your child working with you. Most children over 18 months can help with some of the stuff you are doing. DD is nearly three and can sort washing and pair socks, empty the non-sharp bits from the cutlery bit of the dishwasher, water plants etc. She has a cloth for wiping down the kitchen units. She counts apples into the bag at the market. (DS did all of these things too).

Mow mine are 6, 2.11 and 9 months. Today it is sunny. There are jobs to do, but when I'm in this situation I sometimes use the childminder test: would me or DH be happy for a childminder to spend an afternoon like this doing her (or his) filing / mopping?

To give full priority to playing you and your DPs need to place value on it as a productive part of your role. It sounds like your DH has this right SycamoreTree [smile}

nicsnigsnags - I've had to relearn this every time a new addition comes along and the juggle gets more complicated.

Now I should stop mn-ing and find where the top two have gone. By the way, I live up to the rules above intermittently