We have been working together on learning about the toilet for about a year with considerable ups and downs. DD is 3 and a half. The downs being that I think we missed the window and maybe started too late at a time that was a bit stressful for us all. We had a summer of builders and loft conversion that went hideously wrong and I'm sure we passed that stress on to our daughter, though we tried not to.Then our dog died, DD stareted a new nursery and during all this I was pregnant.
Well, zoom forward a few months and although our daughter rarely volunteers to go to the toilet, with a bit of positive direction she gets there and mostly does what's required in the right place! If left unprompted she would probably opt for weeing her pants. She has since changed nursery for playgroup as she was coming home with several wet pairs of pants a day and clearly expressed a dislike of nursery. She much prefers playgroup and the staff are very supportive and she rarely has accidents there however....
On Thursdays DD spends all day with Grandma (my mother in law) who loves her dearly but is a typical Grandma, lots of sweets, "Yes you can make mud pies on the sittingroom carpet", never says no etc. We are really laid back but feel it's important for DD to have respect for people, things etc.Gma obviously thinks we are too strict and winces everytime we so much as say "No". DD has for several months now come back on a Thurs night with the most appauling attitude, being rude, spoilt, disruptive and generally not the child we dropped off in the morning. The main factor is that while she is with Grandma, she is having lots of accidents and then at playgroup on a Friday having lots more. Last Friday she came home with seven pairs of wet pants and trousers. The staff were really shocked and asked what the problem might be.
So, we've noticed a bit of a pattern emerging. All week she is fine with prompting but then wees loads on a Thurs and Fri. I think Gma constantly asks her if she needs wee (though she is embarrassed and won't use the right words, and uses terms like soiled undergarments etc!)DD has complained that Gma washes instead of wipes her bottom.DD was with us all over the Easter Hols and it didn't happen then, and a couple of weeks ago she was with me all week as she was ill and it didn't happen then, but as soon as she goes to Grandma's, it happens. What's going on?
Grandma is not easy to chat to. Her children never cried and always slept and were potty trained at 9 months!!!!She is a little overzelous in everything that she does and gets my heart pumping a little too fast,and I know how to process feelings and emotions etc. I'm concerned that if my little girl feels anything like I do, she might be dealing with the whirlwind that is Grandma by weeing???
My husband and I have discussed this til we're blue in the face and have really noticed the pattern but don't know how to challenge or change it. Last week my husband, for the first time got a bit cross with DD as she was so rude during tea at Grandma's and he touched on the fact the DD's behaviour is always awful after she's been with Grandma. Grandma couldn't deal with it and sat crying in the corner.
What should we do? We don't want to offend my husband's mother, but by the same token we don't want our daughter to be weeing herself like this and feeling uncomfortable and possibly confused. I would really appreciate some help if anyone has any ideas or has had similar experiences. Sorry this is so long.