I'm sitting here in tears because I've just lost my temper and shouted at DS again. Before I had children I was a really calm person and I can't even remember a time when I've lost my temper - I tend to either sulk or cry. But recently I just don't seem to be able to hold it together with DS. He seems to be right in the middle of his 'terrible twos' which was made worse when DD came along three months ago. Its like he has two completely opposing personalities, one minute he'll be his normal adorable kind funny self and I will love being with him, and the next minute he will turn into a kicking screaming monster! All it takes is for me to ask him to do something he doesn't want to do at that minute, e.g. coming into the kitchen to eat lunch, getting ready for bed, etc.
This evening he was lovely, ate his tea nicely, we watched a little bit of TV while I got DD ready for bed and then he was happy to come upstairs for a bath. The plan was to feed DD while he played in the bath.
But as soon as I lifted him into the bath he started kicking me and screaming saying he didn't want a bath. So I said we'll just have a really quick one then and you can play for a bit more afterwards. But then he didn't want to get out of the bath and started the hitting and screaming again and I lost my temper and shouted at him something along the lines of 'will you make your fing mind up what you fing want to do' (without the swear words - I just put them in because that's how cross I became but luckily seem to be able to stop myself swearing at him!)
Then I had to feed DD because she was also crying for her milk while DS just stood in the corner screaming. It took me ages to calm myself down enough to get him dressed and read him a story.
Its always worse when I have them on my own (DP works most weekends and isn't back till late) but I know DS is just having normal toddler behaviour and he is just testing the boundaries rather than deliberately being nasty to me. But when he's like that and I'm tired and also have to get DD into bed I seem to take it really personally as though I'm a victim.
I just need ways of controlling my temper as its happened a few times now and all it does is make the situation worse. Poor DS will probably end up hating me because I shout at him and DD will be a mess because I sit there sobbing while she's drinking her milk!