How have people handled differences of opinion on dressing their children?

[bibblebobble]

I am starting to get into this a little with MIL and interested as to what other people have done. I have 2 young DD's and I have strong views on how I want my daughters to dress (whilst I can still influence them). I feel that a lot of clothes for young girls are mini adult clothes and girls are being sexualised at a very young age by wearing overtly revealing clothes.

Clearly lots of people will disagree with me and that is fine - they do what they want. However MIL is just starting to buy things that I don't like and I have made the mistake of being fairly forceful in my views and by implication criticising what SIL has dressed her daughter in (SIL lent me some clothes which I didn't like). MIL I feel is now buying things just to get my back up and it is easy now to just consign things to the charity shop - but how do I deal with it when girls are old enough to insist on wearing what is bought for them? My only thought is to be sneaky and just make sure things are damaged in the wash and conveniently not wearable after the first time.

MIL is no respecter of other people's views and I am learning to keep my gob shut around her so it is partly my fault for provoking her - she is easily provoked and I am learning to be more underhand in my dealings with her as my straightforward approach does not get me to where I want to be.

Anyway just interested to see what other people think?

gosh that is a toughie...

My DD is now 7, and I have always had a very relaxed attitude about what she wears, but I do understand your worries.

My thoughts were that hopefully my DD will develop some sense of taste/ dress sense by learning from her dress sense mistakes early on, get the bad dress sense out of her system early on iyswim..and it does seem to be working. My DD has very strong ideas about what she would like to wear and most of it tbh does look good. If things are a little unsuitable...ie I think she will be cold/ under dressed I bring spare clothes with us and more often than not she will ask to change. leggings and tshirts go v easily under short skirts and vest tops .

My only word of advice to you is pick your battles...I would speak to MIL and explain your worries, and ask her as a mother to respect your opinion but i wouldnt get into an arguement with your DD if she starts asking to wear stuff you dont agree with, let her make her fashion mistakes but be there with some spare clothes when she wants to change. I would say something along the lines of "ok you can wear that DD but I will bring these along too just incase you get cold or change your mind ok?"

Hope this helps

They're your kids not MIL's.

If it was up to my xmil DS1 would go round dressed like a farmer lol, i have brought him gap jeans, bench, animal, quiksilver, tops and jeans, and nike trainers ect, off ebay i have totally reorganised his dress sense and he LOVES it, i am lucky in that he is 11 now and has hardly cost me a PENNY through his whole life, living in charity shop, ebay stuff, and hand-me-downs, so i don't mind spending the money i do on him now, plus he looks after his clothes and his appearance more now, bless him.

I know it sounds daft but he seems to have more friends now and is a bit more confident, dressing trendily/nicely seems to have had this effect.

It is up to you as a parent to guide and protect your kids and this even extends to what clothes they wear

Tell her to wind her neck in ........

Oh, and what about suggesting through gritted teeth of course that she might instead of buying, give you or the girls the money so they can choose their own clothes?
Then you will know if she is being deliberately arsey.

The problem is she might stop buying altogether, mine did when i said i didn't like Adams stuff, too trendy IMO.
So i've not had a penny out of either my or his mum since lol

take them back to the shops, and exchange for more suitable items. Tell her the girls didnt like them, they didnt fit

Hmmm, i have the same problem with my MIL, so will be watching this thread with interest. I hate mini versions of grown up clothes particularly sexy ones, i like my dd to be in clothes that are good quality, comfortable and pretty not provocative. MIL insists on buying really scratchy material cheap and nasties that are too much on the grown up side for me, and not very comfortable. Im in the baby gro for the first six months camp. MIL bought dd a adult style bikini when she was 3 months, halter top and everything, and tie at sides bottom, hilarious! When dd grows up and wants to decide what shes wearing, if i dont like something, i just wont show it to her, and take it back to buy something i like, simple as that. Does your mother in law show you the clothes and ask if you like them first? Or does she show dd's? If you dont like anything, and the dd's havent seen them or liked them, just take them back for the money to buy your own style things, a few times of doing that she may get the hint.....

I have the same problem with my PIL.

Since DD1 was born 2 years ago they are always going on that they want to see her and DD2 in dresses.Not just any dress though it has to be frilly.They will only take pictures of them if they are in dresses and every time they wear one they go on and on to the kids about wearing pretty dresses and taking loads of pictures.
I have even seen pictures of DD1 in a dress I hve never seen before so she has been changed while over their house then changed back to come home.
It really infuriates me and its been the cause of many arguments with DH.

I would just tell her politely not to do it because it will be a waste of money. Suggest she puts it into an account for them and DCs can use it to buy their own when they are old enough. I would make the most of dressing them the way you want-as the mother of teenagers I can tell you it doesn't last long!!

My mil used to buy clothes for dd and made her wear them just when she was at her house for the day . I only found out when she started showing me pictures of my daughter in clothes I'd never seen before or since.

I let it go...my dd (now 8) is very choosy about her clothes and wouldn't wear anything that wasn't built for comfort. The main problem I have with her now is getting her prised out of her skinny jeans so they can be washed.

MIL still buys her stuff occasionally, but we have the opposite problem. It's old fashioned and just too girly for dd. She now tells nanny that she doesn't like it or won't wear it, so MIL has stopped bothering.

It's a toughie, but I like the suggestions of asking for a receipt so you can take it back and swap it for the next size...or for an exchange as it doesn't fit. If MIL refuses, you can just say, 'what a shame to waste your money like that...she'll never be able to wear it it's too small/baggy round the waist/long/short.' Hopefully she'll get tired of it.

Ex-MIL used to do this - worst was when she bought her a pack of crop tops when she was 2/3 [bleurg]

And she got them all from Matalan where I never go so I couldn't even take them back and change them.

She stopped when DD told her I had used the crop-tops to wash the floor but now she doesn't buy her any clothes at all.

LOL at the end of the crop tops.

I had the same problem. For about 6m. After which MIL gave up as DD only every appeared in the couple of sensible items she'd bought (not the crap).

Of course, we were lucky -- DD was always growing far too fast to give an accurate size...

Thank you for all the posts - I am surprised and disappointed that so many have interfering and inconsiderate MIL. There are a lot of controlling MIL's out there! I made the mistake of course of saying I didn't like some of the things SIL dresses her daughter in (unforgiveable - daughter can do no wrong and that grandchild is just perfect - have been told I should hope my daughters are like her).

It's all part of asserting your rights as a parent and not alienating grandparents unnecesarily. I will need to be oblique in my response to her and hope (!) she has enough intelligence to get the point.

1. How old are your dds?
2. What exactly is mil buying that is unsuitable?

Personally I am not hugely bothered by what DD and DS wear but I suppose I would never think to buy anything that might look tarty for my daughter and neither my mother or MIL would either. If you are talking about her buying mini skirts and crop tops fair enough. However my mum and MIL have bought things for my daughter that I thought "yuck" but I put them on her the next time she saw them as it makes them happy and usually it is just something like a old fashioned smock dress. Maybe I am just a people pleaser

Crop tops work well as pyjama tops and short shirts are OK over trousers/jeans. Other non-desirable items get consigned to the dressing up box .

I would tell her what not to buy and also tell her if she carries on it's a waste of her money as you'll just give them away.
FWIW my MiL is the same (bought loads of pink for DD when I'm not putting her in that colour) but she lives 150 miles away and DH wasn't brought up by her so I have no qualms about upsetting her

From your OP I am assuming that te clothes your MIL is buying are the kind you actively dislike? 'Tarty' clothes for little girls? Which I hate too BTW, thank goodness I have a boy!

I would thank her (this will annoy her more than you being visibly disappointed I'm guessing) and then lose them / charity shop them / shrink them in the wash / exchange them (if tags are still on most shops will exchange without receipt)/ let the girls wear them whilst drinking blackcurrant.

Depends how often you see her and how often she buys stuff I guess as to how much of a problem it will be.

Tough one! I'm like you, very straightforward, and very picky about what I let my kids wear. I would just say straight out, look, I really appreciate the effort you are going to and the clothes that you buy, but can we set a few ground rules, because if I dont like the sort of clothes you are buying for them, it will be a waste of your money........
If that doesnt work, then take the clothes back and swap them for something else, and if the tags have been taken off, then ebay them as BNWOT!

Your MIL knows you don't like the clothes, just give them to a charity shop, that something good may come of her stubborness .

As a teenager, I was allowed to wear whatever I chose and I wish my parents had restrained me a bit . I hate too all the sexy stuff for little girls.