What do you do when well meaning friends give DCs food you'd rather they didn't have?

[iwouldgoouttonight]

Because I seem to be bad at dealing with it!

Just spent the morning at a friend's house, she's someone I met at a baby group, really nice but we're not really close friends. While we were there she offered my DS (aged 2) a packet of crisps and a fruit shoot. Her DS was having some as well and I don't mind DS having things like that every so often so we said thanks very much. Then her DS started asking for another fruit shoot so she gave another one each to both our DSs. Then once they'd finished that her DS took another two out of the cupboard himself and gave one to my DS. I said no to DS and said he could have water if he was still thirsty but my friend said don't be silly let him have it. Her DS then asked for some chocolate so they both had that as well.

Because we're not really close friends I feel a bit rude turning things down when her DS is having them and she's kind enough to offer treats to DS, it feels as though I'm judging her a bit, as though my DS is all wholesome and she gives hers junk! Which isn't the case at all.

My DS has a healthy diet but I'm happy to give him treats every now and then but now he has had all that he wouldn't eat his lunch and he would normally be napping now but instead he is in his room yelling and throwing things about! So he's going to be a nightmare for the rest of the day because he'll be overtired and I have to get him and DD bathed and to bed on my own because DP is at work.

I know its quite a trivial thing - I should have just said I'd rather DS didn't have three fruit shoots, a packet of crisps and two chocolate easter eggs as it tends to send him a bit loopy, but I'm just too timid and scared of offending!

I think it would have been ok to say "thanks but no" after the first fruit shoot and crisps and give reason that DS won't eat his lunch if has too much juice and snacks. This is a sensible reason and not making any comment on the type of snacks offered.

Well, at least he didn't have a Gregg's sausage roll as well .

It's a tricky one isn't it. How often do you visit? Because as long as it's not every day you're probably best just going with the flow. Is it worth losing a friend over?

I have been through this so many times and when the kids were younger it dind't go down well with the other person. I felt bullied in to it though when I really couldn't say no.

Next time you could take a treat so you could say ohh now lets share my ds trets.

I'm fairly laid back with eating when with friends, but I do find three fruit shoots, crisps and chocolate a lot all in one go for a two year old. I think even I would find that hard to stomach!

I would have said a polite no after the first fruit shoot and crisps, saying it will ruin his appetite.

I know, I should have politely refused, but I was kind of thinking its ok just this once. But I hadn't thought of the repercussions for the rest of the day! We probably only see each other about once a month and we get on well so don't want to offend or make her think I'm judging her.

DS is still shouting and jumping on his bed

I have been pretty firm about this and after a while people get the idea and we all reach a compromise. Someone once put something into dd's hand after I had said no, firmly - twice! I snatched it out again - no means no! Actually we are very good friends now - and now her dc is older she is also more careful what he eats.

Some people with skinny kids don't worry about filing them up with junk just so long as they eat it - but my dd is very chunky even without all the crisps/biscuits/other crap.

It's actually so much easier now - because everyone knows the score. It was worth going through the difficult phase and putting my foot down.

Yes, do what belgo says next time. Tell your friend politely that ds reacted badly to the amount of sugar he had, ruined his appetite and you don't want a repeat performance so you have brought in a one fruit shoot and one packet of crisps rule.

I hope he calms down soon.

It's easier to say that you've noticed that your kids react badly to it, rather than you don't think children should eat crap. Helps if you have an alternative with you, too.
And when you said no, it was wrong of her to say 'don't be silly'. Though maybe she thought that you didn't want to accept so much generosity.

Yes when she said don't be silly I think she thought I didn't want to accept so much generosity.

DS now wont stop crying and says his head hurts - what have I done to him?! Because he doesn't normally eat so many things like this I hadn't realised what a bad reaction he would have to it!

No wonder my friend said her DS refuses to have a nap and is really difficult to settle in the evening!

Then next time you can say they don't do well on it and it's true. I used to say 'funny how some kids are fine isn't it, but mine tend to go a bit mad'. No criticism or judgement, but you're firm.

Iwoudgoouttonight - don't beat yourself up - it's probably nothing to do with anything he ate this morning. You said he didn't have his usual nap - it's far more likely to be that than a reaction to a bit of crap food. Honestly - you haven't done anything to him. How about a bath to calm him down a bit?

3 fruit shoots each? Is she made of money?

If your DS has missed a sleep he's probably reacting to that rather than the food. It is food after all, not poison.

I would just let my children have it. I try not to make an issue out of food, especially if it isn't very often.

I totally sympathise. My ds never has fruit shoots not because Im some health freak mum but because he goes completely hyper on a tiny bit of one so I would imagine if he'd had 3 then he'd been climbing the walls...its the aspartame in them and all no added sugar drinks do that to him.
DS is 4 now and knows he mustn't have them so bless him he says no thank you if anyone offers him one...1 of the parents coming out of nursery went to give him one the other day when she gave her little boy and I just said no he really can't because he can't have it and she looked at me as if I was mad or something lol!

Honestly though don't worry about it and perhaps next time try taking some alternative snacks like some fruit juice/choc biscuits or something.

I totally agree though...3 fruit shoots is a lot of money lol!! Hope he's better today?

When we go to play dates i bring grub and juice with me. If people come here I am not offended if they bring their own food but we always ask each other is it ok etc etc.

i hate it, it does my head in.,
why can't people ASK before handing stuff out?

i usually don't say anything to the parent, but just say to ds "no more now, you've had enough" and would take it away if it was given to him anyway.
I do tend to have alternatives in my bag

I too have have worried about this lately. We were at a friends house the other week and she offered my dd a fruit shoot. I had to jump in a and ask if she didn't mind giving her water instead - thankfully dd didn't make a fuss about it!

I did feel really bad and hoped she didn't think I was being judgey. I would have no problem with dd having this sort of stuff occasiionly if it didn't condemn us to a day of wild tantrums etc.

Ditto sweets. My dad is always trying to ply her with them. I had to ask him to reconsider the (kind) treats he sends us as it's just not worth the pain.

Do what I do ... tell them he's got ADHD and will trash their house if he eats that crap. By the way, my son is dx ADHD, so they know I'm not kidding when I say it

Seriously, if she takes the time to read the label and understand what the ingredients are, she wouldn't feed it to her cat. I've 'educated' loads of my mates and I've actually gotten through to a few. A good tip is to take your own snacks and drinks.

ask to fill the fruit shoot bottle up with water after the first one

Next time you meet her and she tries to give him the same again just explain what he was like last time! My grandparents are the worst at this and completly ignore me when I say no more! They make it out like I'm the worst mother there is cause DS age 2.2 isnt allowed lots of juice and chocolate! I quite often get "oh the poor soul he doesnt get treats very often." I'm sorry but I really dont see the need to give him them every day when he is perfectly happy with water and a banana!