wardrobe battles & 4 yr dd1 - Shoe obsessed

[cookiemonstress]

Hi
Was wondering whether anyone has any tips for dealing with a 4 yr who has very strong opinions about what she will and won't wear.

Background - around 2.5 DD1 suddenly became obsessed with pink, despite her not being bought up especially girly or exposed to all things princess.. She has always been wilful to the point even that the HV was shocked and from that age she's been picky and opinionated about her clothes.

If I buy something that she does not like, she will throw the biggest tantrum and I will have to physically restrain her to get her into the clothes of my choice. It ends up being a massive battle of wills. There's part of me that thinks, 'she's 4, we should not even be having this conversation' and there's part of me that also thinks 'pick your battles'. For the main part, I have backed off and have involved her in choosing clothes etc even if it means I'm comprising my choice but it's getting ridiculous. I'm not trying to force her into a particular style (tend to shop mainly in hennes, zara, gap - but only in sale!)

Shoes are a massive issue. For her birthday, she asked for shoes and not toys. (She has never shown an interest in toys but that's another thread). She'll reject any choice I make for her in clarks, start-rite etc and I'm sick of trying to coax her into everything all the time. Her choice would be some pair of cheap plastic shoes that will damage her feet. I don't have time to run around as her personal shopper, returning things she turns her nose up at . I don't mind allowing her some element of choice but I also need her to accept that sometimes she has to like it or lump it especially on shoes.

She has a younger sister, 2.5 who is more laid back but is already picking up on it. She hasn't learnt this diva-dom from me, I barely have time/money to shop for myself.

I have tried the draconian route to the extent that a couple of times, I've sent her to pre-school in just tights, top and coat because she refused to wear a pair of jeans she had previously been wearing (and had chosen herself) but it's not had any impact. (I did give some clothes to her teachers - i'm not that mean).

I'm also not one of these mums obsessed about temperature. I've learnt not to force her into her coat thinking she'll soon recognise if she's cold.

Any tips, advice?

Hi - not sure I have advice: but you have my sympathy. DD2(also 4 years) wants dress & tights ALL the time. Is not really girly tho! (Also refuses coats when its cold & wet...) sends us insane. We need to get DD1 to school so there is no time to waste picking her clothes. I try putting out trousers if it is wet/cold & persuading her to try. She will take them off tho & we do end up dressing her whilst she cries & wriggles.
Usually let her wear tights if we still have clean/hole-free pair as it is easier.
advice? ride it out! I try the 'pick this top or this top?' & that often works.
DD1(6) went through a phase last year of refusing certain new clothes I bought. Had a drawer full of unworn clothes but I was OK with the other clothes she picked just hated the waste. She would take off labels & hide them (so I couldn't take them back) but not want to wear them!

My 4 year old is similar,she ends up changing two or three times a day,she will agree to wear trousers to walk the dog in the morning but wants a dress as soon as she gets home,and has very strong feelings about what matches what etc.I usually give her a choice between three things,and I absolutely insist on good shoes,she needs a very wide fitting so no cheap shoes fit her anyway.luckily,at the moment,her tastes and mine are fairly similar so there is less conflict than there might be,but there are quite a few things in her drawers that never get worn because the battle isn't worth it.Oh and she won't wear anything with even the tinyest mark on it,which is driving me bonkers as she has managed to get dandelion sapwhich stains like all hell,on all four of her favourite dresses.AArggh.You have my sympathy.

hellymelly: I wish she refused stuff with stains: I have to prise dirty clothes off her!

Thanks for response ladies.It is the waste that gets to me. I've decided to become a bit stricter over it. Like you say, this top or this top. I'll accept she won't wear jeans for instance but she will choose one or other dress i'm holding up. Unfortunately our tastes are wildly different. If she had her choice, it would be HSM, Barbie although the way (despite the fact that she has never seen HSM or owns a barbie).

Thanks again.

My dd (3) is like this and I have started including her in decisions about clothes buying and I think carefully about what I buy as I have an idea about her tastes. I personally don't mind accommodating her tastes within reason although we do have one or two pink items I'm really not keen on.

I do insist on 'sensible' (e.g. trousers) clothes for nursery/CM and I admit that I choose them and put the TV on while she dresses and that distracts her a lot from arguing about it. ALso she know this is just the rule for those days.

But I would never force her to wear something she really didn't like. My mother used to do that and I totally hated it (can feel my teeth clenching just thinking about it). I don't actually see what's so terrible about dd having strong preferences - even if I don't like them myself - it's just part of her developing her own ideas and tastes and a stage she needs to work through.

i am actually nodding while reading the op.

my dd is exactly the same.

i used to love dressing her in the morning, now it is a total trauma!!!

I sympathise too. DD1 is 3.9 and will only wear dresses and skirts. I know many of her friends are the same. She even went through a phase of insisting wearing a skirt or dress to bed! This coincided with me having dd2 so, after many battles, I decided to go along with it. It was my mum who said is it really worth battling with her. Definitely choose your battles carefully I think.

She seems to accept that she has to wear trousers to nursery fortunately. There are so many nice clothes I have bought her that she simply won't wear. Everything has to be girlie. She won't wear trainers either. I don't buy anything without her now.

I too have a 4 year old dd and she is also a nightmare over clothes. She went through a jeans hating stage which was a bit of a pain as I live in them and love jeans and smocks on little girls.

Things have got better recently as she's finally discovered leggings which I like too under skirts/dresses.

I totally banned anything with Barbie,HSM and Disney on,never had anything like that so she doesn't have anything to argue about on that score. A friend once advised me to never have anything I hate in the house then when she's rummaging for an outfit I won't hate it.

When shopping I just say "yuk it's tarty" if she points out cheap tat which has helped and also the fact she's developed quite good taste now. She can throw together lovely outfits now and has real style which often gets commented on,wish I had it .

We've had a couple of hiccups recently as one of the girls at pre-school is always dressed up to the nines and has commented on some of dd's 'creations'. I'm trying to encourage her to have confidence in her own style and not to follow the crowd and it does seem to be working she's 4 and 5months.

The other thing is to just go shopping saying you're not going to buy then point out things you love saying "wow that's gorgeous". I've noticed she's slowing realising pink and gaudy isn't everybody's cup of tea. I do let her have the odd pink thing too,thankfully she likes purple too which I like.

Also I get a few things mailorder so they are basically things I've chosen, some she likes and we keep, some she doesn't so they go back. This avoids stressful shopping situations. I do the this or this thing sometimes in the morning too. Also knowing she loves skirts/dresses I tend to now buy more of those now obviously making sure I like them too. I've given up on jeans, she only has a couple of pairs as with her new leggings obsession I don't mind skimpy skirts so much so we're both happy.

Lelly Kelly shoes are going to be our next battle. I've just said no for a long time saying they're for teenagers. Sadly a helpful lady in R&B pointed out smaller sizes in front of dd so she's now onto me, but £40 for a pair of vile Doodles I don't think so. I can foresee major battles ahead.

We've had the lelly kelly battle! It's all she wanted for her birthday. In the end I bought her gold ish trainer like pair (think early days run dmc!) which were the least offensive pair IMO and she still got the free lipstick rubber which kept her happy!