i fucking hate being a mum

[gokwancarr]

there i've said it.
i have completely lost my identity and life. i am at the bottom of the list of priorities in my home. dd and husbands business come first, my job and uni course have to be slotted in whenever possible (i.e. pushed aside all the time) and husband gets v frustrated if i get upset by this.
i realise this sounds very selfish. it is selfish.
all i want to do is crawl into bed but i should be catching up on uni work as i actually have some time to myself today.
i am so tired. i went out on sat for the fourth time in nearly 2 years.
i am so fucking resentful of my daughter sometimes and i hate my self for it because obv she is completely innocent and undeserving of this. other times i love her so much i want to weep.
husband just lay there watching me crying last night. feel like no one understands me at all. it is driving a wedge btween me and hubby.
just needed to vent.

I felt like this a couple of years ago gokwan. It is horrible, really feel for you. The guilt about how you are feeling makes it hard to think straight (plus the exhaustion obviously).

What finally helped me, was admittting I wasn't loving being a mum. This was a massive deal for me - I felt it was a hugely dangerous and taboo thing to admit at the time to my DH.

Once he knew how crap I was feeling he really wanted to help. However he didn't then - and still hasn't - got the hang of reading the signs and offering to take over and give me a break when I need it. I always have to tell him how I am feeling and suggest what needs to happen. Then he does it.

Ie I am totally knackered, the kids have been really hard work this week, I need sat morning off, will you take them out somewhere?' Then he does it.

Of course I would love it if he saw when I needed a break and offered but tbh this is good enough and it gives me what I need.

My DH is always saying 'I'm not a mind reader' and I know they are not all the same but perhaps your husband is just not seeing what to you is patently obvious. Crying is fine and it lets him know you are not happy. But next time talk to him , tell him how you are feeling (without blaming him if you can as it will only put him on the defensive) and, most importantly, tell him what you want to happen to make things better for you.

Small changes, and being heard can make a huge difference to how you feel

I think the problem isn't being a mum it's your husband not treating you as an equal.

Firstly, I would suggest speaking to your GP as you sound as if you may be depressed.

Secondly I think that a job plus a university course, plus looking after a very young child without support from your DP is a lot for anybody to take on.

How many hours a week do you work? and how much time do you spend on your course? I would consider that doing part time work, or a university course would be an opportunity for you to be 'you' but perhaps doing both of them is putting too much pressure on you.

I cannot agree more. It's all well and good saying you need to talk to someone other than the net, but it's not possible. We are not all soppy maternal types who have yearned. I was happy with my dogs. Then got pregnant at 40, thinking it won't happen to me. I lost my Dad the year before. I really wish my parents were here so I can tell them 'this is shit and I appreciate everything you went through.' I got twins, their Dad is 10 years older than me and is useless. I kick myself right up the arse every single day. A close friend of mine told me "oh they will bring you so much joy..." They are 6 now and I am still waiting....

I am not depressed or mental. I am just not cut out for it. The house is constantly a shit hole. I typed this in years ago and read a blog about a woman who just got a tirade from a bunch of yummy mummies who have clearly had a sense of humour bypass at the same time they spawned. Moaning about dog poo on the pavement and additives in rice cakes. It's boring. Let's be honest and have a laugh because that's the best way to cope.

I'm with you. I seriously hate being a mum as well. I've lost my identity. I'm not allowed to do anything that makes me happy. My kids are diagnosed ADHD and ASD and the rest of the family don't understand what it means and I'm judged when they don't behave like "normal" kids. I have absolutely no support. I'm an only child and my parents are both gone. I've always struggled with my own mental health. Having children ruined my life.

I know this was many years ago, so I need to ask... do you still feel like this?

I feel mostly exactly the same, I hate being alone with my child. I’m not depressed as when I’m around other people and my husband is around I am fine and happy etc but the bottom line is I just hate being a mum, I don’t enjoy any part of it. I can’t sleep when I know my husband is back to work for the next few days and I’m just stuck here looking after this child. I don’t need to get out more cos I go out everyday and visit people etc but then we come home cos it’s nap time or feed time and here I am just back in the house anchored by my child.
Why do I feel this way? Why do I hate it so much? I just WISH I could fast forward time, people say not to but I can’t help it, my child cries a lot and people say it gets easier when they are older and can tell you what’s wrong but I just worry when he is older it will provide different problems that I also hate.
I sometimes think should I give my child up? I doubt my husband would let me or my family as I am very blessed with great people all around to help and support and offer a break... but it’s just a break for a few hours it doesn’t change the fact I still hate being a mum!

Hi help404, can you privately message me?

All the best and positivity op.

Hey, I had twins at the age of forty. A friend told me ''they will bring you so much joy.'' They are ten this year and I'm still waiting. ...My entire life was put under a microscope. Their Dad is a waste of space and had social services all over me for 2 years of hell because I had to get rid of him. (He was a bully and a loser who wouldn't work). I'm an only child and had no experience of kids, and never fancied it. Now I know why. It's a life sentence. Being referred to and called ''Mum'' by all the busybodies from hospital to school makes me cringe. My identity went for a shit. My house is trashed, I'm always skint and the responsibility is overwhelming. These busybodies that offer help so I can ''take a bath...I've been patronised up hill and down dale by these people. I am a crap mother and I don't care because I never wanted the job in the first place. I have no family so they are with me always. Nobody else could be arsed. The buck stops here. Friends made me feel like a charity case whenever they helped out. I am up to my armpits in debt and every day I feel guilty guilty guilty for not giving them everything. It's boring, the school run is a massive pain in the arse and even though I wish I could turn the clock back and mourn my single happy life wih my dogs, I just feel selfish and guilty. People say 'bet you wouldn't be without them...'' Wanna bet? It's a thankless slog, they treat me like shit, I'm just a fucking doormat. As for speaking to GP, they will have social services round like a rat up a drainpipe. It's a fucking shitstorm. Glad it's not just me!