how do i discipline cheeky 10yr old

[amanda5]

hi , I'm just wondering can any1 give me advice on how 2 discipline our 10yr son , he constantly answers me back , gets very cheeky & doesn't seem bothered when we take away PlayStation's & consoles , mobiles etc , just laughs it all off , running out of ideas on how 2 get him 2 behave. help b4 he turns in2 kevin .

you have to find somethingthat he really really wants and take that away.

How long do you take games away for and do you take them one at a time or all together?
Does he get rewarded when he is behaving well?

lately we hardly ever see him without his mp3 hadphones in his ears so when he gets very cheeky (& after been warned at least 3 times ) we take all consoles & mp3 etc away at same time for about 3days , but he just shrugs & hands them all over with a grin , saying he doesn't care , then drives me insane for the few days complaining constantly that he's bored ,
yes we make a very special effort 2 reward good behaviour ,

I am you - taking things away doesn't work for our 10 year old and the behaviour was v similar. I can't say we've cracked this completely but things are much improved.

Hope this helps as we decided to come at it from a different angle-

Check what his boundaries are - are you still treating him like a little kid or giving him a bit more say in things? Giving a little more responsibility can work wonders.

Once the boundaries are set, talk him through what you expect. I was amazed at how this worked (so far!). Stepping over the line gets a warning - choose a word like 'attitude'. Asking him to go away and think about why he has behaved in a certain way is actually quite a good strategy too - it is like a punishment for a 10 year old to have to explain himself!

And then there is grounding - I'm sure it doesn't work for everyone but it does for us and as a lot of 10 year old behaviour seems to stem from showing off in the peer group, taking him out for a little while works wonders.

Good luck !

great thanks , mmm my hubby says i baby him 2 much , so maybe your right & we should try sit him down & talk about giving him more responsibility , setting boundaries is a great idea , we do ground him occasionally , but it only works for a day or 2 then he's back 2 sulking for his own way ,
& i swear to god he would rather eat nails than 2 apologize for being rude or cheeky ,
he knows exactly what buttons 2 press . i dread what he will be like when he hits teenage years . he walks all over me now , but yet doesn't act this bad with his dad , where am i going wrong ?

Yes, I know what you mean - it can be quite grinding when they are like that and I'm sure they do know what buttons to push. And yes, the 'if this is him now, what will 15 be like' is a conversation lots of us have!
HAve a go with a new plan and see how it works. I think that there is lots of focus on the terrible twos in parenting guides etc but not as much help for the terrible 10s (boys).
Have you got Stephen Biddulph's book, 'Raising Boys' - it has some reassuring stuff in it about what's normal and that's what got us thinking about the babying thing.

I've searched for ages now online for advice but never came across any sites that offer advice on parenting 10yr olds , thanks for the tip on the book ill definitely get that , need all the help i can get ,
my son put his fist up 2 hit me last month after a row over cleaning his bedroom , my hubby hit the roof when he found this out , its the 1 & only time my son did this but it shocked us SOOO much that we know we have 2 get firmer with him ,
god I'm making him sound like a little monster but he's not , he is a very sensitive & loving child ,

hi , yes he does make his own breakfast , but thats about it , when he changes in2 his pj's for bedtime he just leaves his clothes all on the floor for me 2 pick up even though the wash basket is in the bathroom right beside his bedroom , but thats our fault for letting him away with it for so long , ha ,
he goes to bed at 8.30pm on school nights & 9 - 9.30pm on weekends ,
he is always sneaking up food 2 his bedroom & makes a terrible mess hence the rows over cleaning his room , i've tried 2 explain that his bedroom is his own private space in the house & that he should keep it clean so that on rainy days he could invite his friends up there , but he just cant be bothered , kids eh

I know a few mums with sons of this age in the same boat as me and everyone says the thing that worries them most is the rage and the anger which seems to flash up and I've had a similar experience. It's a really tricky age - they are still soft and emotional on one level but raging balls of fury on the other.

Another good book is ELizabeth Hartley-Brewer's Self-Esteem for Boys: 100 Tips for raising happy and confident children. She says 'Boys are lovable, amusing, destructive, proud and defiant' Recognise anybody there?

Good advice from the other MNetters too. ALso doublecheck if you are managing all of his activities or giving him a choice. We let ours decide what after school activity to do. He then dropped it but we stayed quiet. He then took it up again a couple of weeks later on his own. A small example but I think it made a big difference to how he sees himself.

Well, I guess this doesn't answer the main question about disciplining him for rudeness, but I do wonder whether the state of his bedroom is worth fighting over. I'd pick your battles...

Shut the door and let him get on with it. Save your energy for dealing with more serious issues.

If he's not bothered about what you take away, how about giving him something extra, which will also benefit him indirectly, like writing a story or doing some sums.

thanks for all the advice every1 , he is in the room with me & trying 2 sneak a peek at what i'm up 2 , ha
ill have 2 log off for now but ill check back later , thanks again for all the great advice , loving the idea of extra homework .

Really good advice on here.

My 11 year old can be a handful. of course they're starting to be a bit hormonal at this age, which probably explains the anger, b ut then you realise they can control their emotions much better round their Dads...

Anyway, 2 things have worked for me:

• staying calm and reasonable, but sticking firmly to my position - not easy in the face of considerable provocation and rudeness sometimes. Saying calmly 'Don't speak to me like that, it's rude' but not flying off the handle myself.

• giving him a hug - he finds it hard to be mean and horrible if I'm hugging him. I think many boys of this age are busy being tough, they don't feel they can ask for hugs, but they really, really want them.

Doesn't really help on the discipline question I know, but I've found in my DS's case, these tactics can defuse situations before discipline is needed

Sorry, but I really don't think giving him extra homework is a good idea. Not unless you want to put him off story-writing (or whatever) for life.

only joking about giving him extra homework , his teacher gives him enough of that , but we will try giving him more responsibility , maybe even a bit more freedom , he gets annoyed at me for not letting him go 2 our local shops even though its at the end of our road , i worry because it has a very large car pak , but i know of kids as young as 5 that are allowed 2 go there alone , maybe i could make a deal with him that if he shows me he is mature then ill give him a bit more freedom , do you think that might work ?

Got to be worth a try.

I haven't got a son just a toddler dd. But I am a teacher and would say think carefully about your voice and language. ie; low, slow & firm. And like others have said stick to a few issues to be really firm on, things that really matter.

Oh, and be careful to criticise behaviour not him. ie : 'that was a bad thing to do' not 'you are bad'.

thanks again for all the advice , yes i know about using the tone of voice & not branding children as "bold" as i used 2 be a playschool teacher until i had my son , now I'm a stay at home mum , it just feels like he doesn't take me seriously , whereas his dad only has 2 look at him & he hops 2 it when I'm stressed out my hubby takes him out for a long walk & talks 2 him about not talking back 2 me etc & when my son returns he is an angel even offers 2 help me out with chores , doesn't last long though , i guess its all part of growing up & he is probably testing me as 2 how much ill let him away with , its funny though when his 3 year old sister tells him off for being naughty . thanks for all the great advice , when my hubby comes home tonight we will definitly try come up with a new way 2 deal with his outbursts .

I have the same problem. My 10 1/2 year old is argumentative, lippy, cheeky and always thinks he is right. Sometimes over really simple requests. It can often turn into a screaming match where he has twisted it all around to make it look like my fault. Has anyone got a simple consequence I can use with consistency each and everytime time this happens. I want results and need a technique that works. Taking away games is NOT the answer.