Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Can you help me with the current thinking on toilet training, please?

35 replies

BecauseImWorthIt · 06/05/2009 16:21

I'm a market researcher, and we're in the middle of a big project on nappies/training pants.

My DCs are both teenagers, so potty training/toilet training was a long time ago - and there weren't as many products around to help - i.e. we had nappies and pull ups were fairly new - but nothing more than that, as far as I can remember.

From memory, we waited until both were well over 2 before we started.

However, in some of the groups we've been doing, we've had mums talking about starting as early as 9 months, apparently on the advice of the Baby Whisperer.

Can this really be true?!

My 'gurus' when the DC were small were Miriam Stoppard and Penelope Leach - and it seems as though the advent of more recent gurus has changed things.

Has it really changed though?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
HaventSleptForAYear · 07/05/2009 20:08

Laurie Boucke here

ches · 08/05/2009 02:49

I don't think there's pressure to train early, I think it's quite the opposite. If you start your child before they're 2.5 people look at you like you've sprouted four heads. Then when your child is 18 months old and potty trained they look at you with deep envy.

The signs that your child is "ready" are IMO completely bogus. It's about when the parent is ready, and understanding where your child is at developmentally. If you get there at 3.6 that's good for you, but if you get there earlier that's good for you too.

IMO the signs that my DS was ready to start were:
(1) processing sequences
(2) following short instructions and
(3) mimicking.
I was ready when his poo had transitioned from nasty breastfed poo/peanut butter poo to proper poo. This was when he was 14 months old. "Wee" was one of his first words, so was poo. Initially it was parent led, but once he knew what the toilet (not potty, wouldn't sit still) was for, it was entirely baby-led.

We'd wake up in the morning and I'd say "do you need to wee?" and he'd nod or point and off we'd go. It took him about 2 weeks until he was holding in his big first morning wee. A month and he would hold in a poo all day long to do it on his home toilet. A year later he has started saying "I don't like to poo at nursery." He's had that sentiment all along, though.

In the beginning we spent AGES in the bathroom, doing puzzles and reading books. We'd sit there as long as he was happy to (and no longer) which was often half an hour when he needed to poo. (It took him a while to squeeze it all out.) This is clearly not for everyone and I doubt it's something you could manage with more than one child. However, as a full-time working parent, I was happy to spend this amazing quality one-on-one eye level time with my boy and he learned so much. He knew all his animals (two puzzle boards of 9 animals each), 9 fruits, various types of truck, etc. long before he could say those words. The potty training was almost a fringe benefit to hanging out in the bathroom.

The key to younger potty training is preparation and proper expectations. He stayed in nappies (with regular toilet breaks) until he was poo trained, then he moved to Y-fronts with something stuffed in the front which would catch a wee and protect his trousers. By 18 months he was completely clean and dry, but did regress with teething.

The benefits to this are numerous. The environment was saved hundreds of nappies (nursery and husband insist on disposables) and tons of washing. Potty training was an entirely stress-free process for both of us, with no more accidents (possibly less because I was prepared). But the biggest benefit I can see is that we didn't try and start potty training him while developmentally he was in the midst of a very difficult time.

2-3 years is a classic age for pushing boundaries, asserting independence, saying "no" to everything, insisting on doing things for themselves, etc. My DS cannot remember a time he wasn't using the toilet. He only associates the toilet (well and the grass) as the place to wee/poo. Potty training has been an entirely natural process for him, and something he has enjoyed. What we did was NOT EC; he was learning how to use the toilet rather than me learning his cues for needing to use the toilet.

He's now 2.2 and had his first dry, nappy-free night this week. (He has had many dry nights since we started putting him on the potty when he wakes up -- still not sleeping through!) He wiped his bum himself today for the first time and is getting to grips with pulling his undies and trousers down over his bum. He will ask to use the toilet when he needs to poo, but will just hold onto a wee until you say it's time. I blame nursery for this as they take scheduled potty breaks; in the beginning he used to ask but quickly got out of the habit.

Some would say he's not potty trained because he's not doing it 100% on his own. I would say I don't care what you call it, my child doesn't need a nappy and so he doesn't wear one. I'm still his mum, he's still the very young toddler with far more important things to do with his brain power, and taking him to wee every now and then is my responsibility.

HaventSleptForAYear · 08/05/2009 11:13

V. Good post ches.

That is very close to our sentiments.

Just to reassure you, it IS possible with a second child (we both work fulltime too) but it has taken us slightly longer with DS2 than DS2 because we were not quite so focused on him.

I agree about the bathroom times.

We still have a big box of books/toys in there.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

BecauseImWorthIt · 13/05/2009 14:31

Thanks all - I forgot to come back to the thread!

OP posts:
NellyTheElephant · 13/05/2009 15:13

I'm not sure there is exactly much 'current thinking' re potty training. A cross section of my friends seem to have done very different things and I approached it differently with DD1 and DD2. I have 2 friends who did EC very successfully (they used nappies too by the way, no wees or poos on the floor! Doing EC simply cut down hugely the no. of dirty / wet nappies. Regular potty trips too from about 4 months, in both cases poos were all in the potty from about 8 months and they were completely out of nappies well before 2). I have lots of other friends who have waited until close to 3 (which I personally think is a bit odd, but that's just my view!)

With DD1 I followed what is perhaps the more normal route these days of waiting until she was over 2 (she was 2.3), but this was more because I had DD2 a couple of days after DD1's second birthday and I couldn't face trying to train her any earlier (otherwise I probably would have done). I put her straight into pants and after about 3 days of wee accidents she was dry and after about 10 days she got the hang of poos and we never had another accident again. I don't recall her having ever shown the slightest interest in the potty or the loo. I simply don't get the whole 'readiness signs' thing. They don't care about whether or not they wear nappies generally it's what they are used to, but she had great commumication skills, would generally follow instructions and was open to bribery (chocolate buttons.... !!), and I HATED changing nappies of a great big child like that - gross! So we went for it and that was that.

With DD2 I was even keener to get her out of nappies as I was expecting DC3 and realised if I didn't have a break before his arrival I'd have non stop nappy changing for over 6 years! I started introducing her to the potty gently around 19 months (sit on it a couple of times a day, occasional luck successes), then at 22 months we went cold turkey, into pants. We went straight to the loo with a padded child seat as I hate cleaning potties. She trained in about the same time as DD1 even though she was much younger (i.e. about 3 days for wees and another week for poos to be reliable). She had shown no signs of 'readiness', I was ready not her! We had a brief relapse about 6 wks later after she had a tummy bug, and another brief relase about 4 months later when DS was born - but by brief I do mean brief, went on for about 10 days and maybe one accident every other day during that time).

Pull ups - invaluable I'd say, especially if starting training with a younger child where you start gently with regular visits to the potty, but I always treated them as nappies not as any sort of pants, just easier to pull up and down for potty trips.

looseleaf · 13/05/2009 15:34

We were fascinated by EC for land-fill reasons and for the amazing way we saw even tiny babies communicate when need to go (this worked for us when DD was only 2 months old ie when I found out about this v old method and bought a book called Diaper free)

I wish I'd been able to persevere but as Dd grew up she didn't like interrupting her play so I resorted to nappies again but she looked so free and comfortable without them and it was so nice to just wipe and flush! We relied almost solely on EC til DD was 1 1/2 and now use nappies parttime

looseleaf · 13/05/2009 15:39

I don't think I've been enlightening re 'current thinking', oops. As realize EC not the norm but it certainly is all over parts of Asia etc! I found out about it via google when asking myself how parents in third world countries
manage if can't buy nappies and it struck me EC so natural and 'green' I'd give it a shot

Latootle · 23/05/2009 22:31

training pants were toweling inside with a think plastic outside, this did the trick very well as mine didn't like being wet.!!!!! not around tho now??

2 1/2 is a fair age to start when child can understand vaguely whats going on.

Ariela · 24/05/2009 20:33

It's all reinventing the wheel. I'm of the view that the earliest you introduce the potty (or not weeing/pooing in nappies as an alternative) the better. Go buy an early Dr Spock or childcare book from the 50s/60s and they all advocate this.
Child then understands it's OK to wee/poo other than in a nappy. Then when they kick off about nappy change time it's far easier for parent to say OK if you can always use your potty/toilet instead then you can go without.
Current 'leave it till they're 3 ' is IMO spread about by the disposable manufacturers, who aren't interested in babies being out of nappies at all - hence the invention of pull ups. To a babay they're nappies, ergo they get wee'd/pooed in To a parent they pull up and down - and are almost twice as expensive in same cases (why??? just the different fastening??).

horseymum · 25/05/2009 10:27

children are so different. i don't think waiting for the so called signs is the only way to go, and anyway dd2 showed quite clearly at 15 months when she said 'no nappy' she had been on potty at most changes since 5 months and had been dry between changes for a long time so it was stress free - she is too stubborn to wet her pants! also, the idea that they have to be able to pull down their trousers before you can start and that occurs at about 2.5years also did not fit for us - she has been able to pull her trousers down for months, it's not that hard if you use the right clothes. Just do what works best for you, for me i just don't like the idea of her in nappies and can't really remember it now, she is 22 months and has an accident about once a month (no nappies at night either) I also don't think it is worth stressing about, if you haven't got the desire then leave it later, it's not a sign a intelligence, just nicer for all concerned imho. Just don't tell those who start earlier we are damaging our children etc!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page