DS weeing at home on potty but not at nursery

[Tigerlion]

Have been potty training son (3.8) since start of the Easter holidays. Left it a while as he has a language delay and pediatrician said to wait to potty train when he could lead me. He has been fantastic at home, weeing quite happily on his potty and always doing it himself. Still pooing in pants but emptying it in the potty and hopefully it will catch on soon.

However he REFUSES to wee on the potty at school. I have taken in his own potty and the teachers who he adores and trusts have been trying to help him but he just refuses and gets through around 3 pairs of trousers in a morning session. They end up putting him in pull ups as he ends up having no extra change of clothing and cannot spend their time changing him when they have other children to look after.

What can I do so that he starts weeing at school? The Clinical Psychologist has suggested doing a 'social story'with him. Has anyone else experienced a similar problem and if so what did you do?

What do the other children do at school? Can he do that too?

DD was like this - turns out she didn't want anyone there with her, so they'd stick her on, step out of sight, and she'd just go with no problems. Then they'd give her a chocolate button! She's only 2.5, though, so am not sure same tactic would work...

Does he have a little friend who will demonstrate how to wee standing up in the loo at school? Maybe he cannot vocalise that this is what he wants to do, but doesn't know how/is a bit nervous to try on his own? Perhaps this would be less intimidating than an adult trying to help him do this?

No, he point blank refuses. Won't even wee in front of his sister who is at some of the nursery sessions, despite always want to show her him weeing at home. They have told me that he now needs to wear pull ups at school until half term and continue weeing at potty on home. I am worried this will confuse him but he just refuses at nursery

Do you take him when you drop him off? Will he go if you're there?

TBH I think having him in pull-ups there and not at home will just confuse him, it needs to be all or nothing. Can the staff get on board with a sticker or reward chart to help motivate him?

Frankly am a bit horrified that the staff have said that to you, really.

I have tried and he says that he will go in a minute but that usually lasts a while and I end up leaving as they need to get on with nursery. The staff have been offered 1;1 support because of his special needs but have refused it and they have said that they cannot spend all their time changing his trousers/ pants when they have all the other children to look after. It is very frustrating as the head has been there for over 20 years and does not want change (ie no 1 to 1 support) but they say they are unable to look after him. re potty training. I can't take him out of the nursery as he starts school so soon so am going ahead with their suggestion as it seems the only way forward

I have found that putting a bit of toilet paper into the toilet and saying "can you wee on the paper?" is enough incentive to focus on weeing. Pull ups are not confusing, but they are if used, as the nursery seems to be suggesting, as a substitute for toilet breaks.