Leaving dd1 (3) and dd2 (6 mnths) with MIL for a day to go to a wedding. Worrying myself sick about it. Help

[suiledonn]

We are going to a wedding next week and the plan is to leave our dds with MIL. I am a SAHM and we spend all our time together. I agreed with DH that we should leave them for the day and MIL offered to take them. I just can't relax about it. DD1 has spent a fair amount of time with MIL in the past but hasn't seen her much lately. I've never left dd2 for more than 3 hours so far and I can't stop worrying than they will be miserable/upset/stressed/sad all day and so will I.
I've bought my outfit and we have accepted the invitation but I am starting to wish we weren't going. I think for us as a couple that we need the day away. Things haven't been going well lately and we seem to have no time alone together. I keep lying awake at night thinking of how we could manage the day if we brought them but it would be a very long day and too hard on them.

Help me put it in perspective.

does your MIL eat children?

non?

no problem then, go to the wedding and enjoy your child-free day

It's a day out. Your children will love being with their gran. She will spoil them, they will have a ball.

C'mon, stop jibbering give the kids some space and give you and your DP/H- a GREAT DAY!

lol @ fucker!!

Go - the kids will have fun and you can always leave the reception early.

Please try not to worry bout it. It is very hard to leave the children for the first time, no matter what age they are, but they relly will be fine.
You are not leaving them with a stranger or some agency baby-sitter, you are leaving them with their Grandma, who I imagine loves them very much and adores the ground they walk/crawl on!
I guarentee you, that the day away will be harder for youi than them. It may take them a little while to settle down, but your MIL will probably make so much fuss of thm, that they'll forget all about being upset that mummy's gone out.
I leave my ds's (21months and 13 weeks) with either of my parents overnight every 6 weeks or so, and s1 doesn't even seem to notice.
It does sound like you and your dh need the time away, to be together, to relax and have a day off from parenthood. There is nothing wrong with that, you don't need to feel guilty or anything, we all do it.
Please go and have a good time.
Remember you can phone your MIL every 15 minutes if it'd make you feel better to check ho they are, but they will be fine with MIL and you know that or else you wouldn't even entertained the thought.

Try to see it this way: your mil made a reasonable job of bringing up your dh, didn't she? She knows what she is doing. Your children will be fine and, more to the point, when you get home and realise how fine they have been, you will be free to go off again without them, perhaps you and dh could have a romantic night away somewhere? It is entirely natural for parents to lean on grandparents in this way.

It's hard for me to give you some perspective because I never had your problem, i.e. leaving the children. I always longed for the break, time with dh alone and looked forward to it (obviously missing them and wondering if they were okay). But mine did go to a childminder etc so both them and me were more uused to it from the start.

What I can tell you though is this: 1. it is harder for you than for them (especially 6mo) 2. both will feed off your stress, so if you are worried so will they and will play up a lot when you go (hartbreaking even for a stonehearted one like me ). 3. you will worry and maybe not enjoying it as much as you could but you'll have a bit of time with your dp which helps a lot 4. when you go back to them you'll be surprised how much they enjoyed it and you'll feel ok.

If ds has not been to MIL for a while maybe go a few times for a bit and leave him for an hour or two so not to shocking (distance permitting of course).

one example: while dd1 was happy to be left absolutely everywhere dd2 not so at first. she cried for a whole hour and a half aged 11 months when left at the gym creche. although tempted to go back and take her home I left her. Next time she cried for 10 minutes. third time NOTHING! and she enjoys it a lot now.

Last piece of advice: time with your partner is very important imho, it's what's keeps it all together.