How on earth do you control anger? Any tips/books etc??

[babooshkababooshkayaayayy]

I have three beautiful, well behaved children, the oldest 3.5, the youngest teeny weeny, and whilst a lot of the time I am a happy and 'fun' mother, I do lose my temper with the older ones sometimes, especially the oldest, who I know is still tiny really.
How the hell do I control it? Tonight I got a wet flannel thrown at me by accident whist feeding the baby during bath time, and I threw it back, which is really really crap I know. I just saw red, and just reacted.
Does anyone have any strategies to deal with this, or maybe any books which you could recommend which could help?

Growing up my Mother was (and is) a very angry person, and it is only recently that I have realised that somehow I see have been brought up to think that there is some sort of virtue in losing ones temper and expressing anger, it is perversely a sign of strength. I know this is so so wrong, but just giving a bit of background, and wondering if anyone has had similar experience??

tia

Faber & Mazlish talk about parental anger in one of their books - the first one I think. Will try and look it up for you. found it

Also, although I haven't read it yet, there's a chapter in the new Elizabeth Pantley book about anger management.

I think it's great that you're well aware that you do lose your temper and want to do something about it.

Three children to deal with would make a saint angry at times, no? I know when I babysit for my sis and BIL I find it hard to control my temper.

Only things I do are breathe very deeply, sigh very laoudly, go and scream in a corner etc

Thanks flamingobingo, I've just ordered that Elizabeth Pantly book, it looks perfect. Also, the other one looks really interesting. Definitely one for the reading list. Much appreciated, thnaks

thanks also wowooo, nice post x

Know where you are coming from. My top tip is to walk away and sit in a room on your own until you have calmed down. Obviously you can't do this when the baby is in the bath, but could you have shouted for your dh and got him to sort it while you calm down?

I always go to another room and then think of a girl's name/ vegetable, flower whatever for every letter of the alphabet just to distract. When I get to the end (or usually before) I have calmed down enough to realise that the anger is totally out of proportion to what has happened and that the way I feel is not about what the dcs have done but other things which are nothing to do with them.

I too find myself parenting at times the way my mother/grandmother would have done and am aware that they would perceive me as weak if I do not respond to something the dcs have done in the way that they would have done. I love my mother very much and she was/is a great mother but I have had to recognise that she did not have all of the parenting answers any more than I do and I do not have to parent the way she did.