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Original poster

Six months of potty training and he's just not getting it

19 replies

jerikaka · 04/05/2009 20:22

I would appreciate any advice....
My son was three in january. I started potty training him in sept last year, when his nursery said they thought he was ready. He usually goes if i ask him to, but he makes no effort unless i remind him. He has had some problem with number 2's, which tend to be very loose, i think this is a problem with foo intolerances, but am awaiting an appt with hospital. Sometimes it's so loose it runs out of his bum, but it's not always like this. I have tried rewards, one smartie for one wee, made no difference. Been trying rewar system where he has to get five smiley faces before he gets a sweet, but still unless he is prompte he will just wet himself. I know he has bladder control as he can stop himself. My doctor sai to put him back in nappies, but i'm not entirely happy with this concept and would appreciate any other ideas. Thanks

OP posts:

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Ballina · 04/05/2009 20:28

He's obvioulsy not ready. A period back in nappies might help him gain a bit of confedence and when you try again, he will know the drill by then. I would try not to rush it. I know it's hard but he he'll get it when he does.

billyog · 04/05/2009 21:56

I know how your feeling. My ds is the same. We started potty training in jan and its one step forward, 2 back. We've done star chart, special raisins and choc buttons. He'll go when asked, albiet reluctantly, but if not asked he'll have an accident, both 1 and 2s. Every now and again he'll ask, today he asked to go for a poo but then he's had 2 acciedents aswell.
The reason why I haven't put him back in nappies is that at nursery he is 100%. Always asks to go to the toilet, never has an accident. So it seemed unfair to put him in nappies at home but not in nursery. The nursery nurse reassured me that it takes ages for boys, months in fact so i'm sticking with it for now in the hope that it'll click one of these days. Thats what people say isn't it?....... it just clicks one day.

ches · 05/05/2009 04:48

Just because he's not ready to take responsibility for going to the toilet on his own, it doesn't mean he has to be put into nappies. I mean, what would you really gain if you did, anyway? A wrestling match several times a day? He IS ready for pants, he's just not ready to do it alone, and TBH that's perfectly reasonable for a toddler, I think. DS has been out of nappies for about a year now and is only just now saying "I need to poo" and tootling off to the toilet. For a year he has been holding it in until someone took him. He still doesn't take the initiative with wee, but then he's only just two and he's still teething, which often coincides with wee accidents.

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Ballina · 05/05/2009 07:56

Not having to go through a wrestling match sevels times a day sounds alot to me actually. When I put DS back into nappies it didn't harm anything the next time we tried. It just gave him, a period to understand what it was all about and so when we tried again, jusr before he was 4, he took to it immeditaly and I mean immeditaly.

It's much less stressful on child and parents if you go with the flow of things rather then against them.

bubblagirl · 05/05/2009 08:10

to be honest i started potty training ds when he was 2.3 as he showed signs of being ready he then wasnt so we went back to nappies until 2.8 again went back to nappies until 3.5 and over night he was dry sent him to pre school with his pants on and he was dry and has been ever since

someone did have a saying potty train before 3 potty train for months potty train at 3 be done in a week

i was reluctant to put back in nappies but still took him to toilet didnt just allow him to wee in nappy he just got it at 3.5 and no effort was made either he was just ready

bubblagirl · 05/05/2009 08:13

i think alot of the time they say put back in nappies as the whole thing becomes a negative experience which can hold off the potty training process with them as they get anxious and anxiety can cause you to wee

maybe just for few weeks allow some relaxation on both counts and then try again in a month or so but still continue taking to the toilet lots of praise etc and just wait until his body is really ready

ches · 05/05/2009 16:36

I don't understand how it is a stressful situation to take your child to the toilet every hour or so. The OP said he's dry if she prompts him.

Original poster

jerikaka · 05/05/2009 19:42

It's stressful as I have an older child with special needs and remembering to take my ds2 to the toilet all the time is sending me over the edge! Appreciate all your opinions though! :-)

OP posts:

ches · 05/05/2009 20:00

Well maybe a potty watch is in order then?

Original poster

jerikaka · 05/05/2009 20:06

TBH I really didn't think that was what toilet training was about. I don't want to live my life around my childs toileting. Sorry if that makes me a bad parent!

OP posts:

ches · 05/05/2009 22:29

Your child wees/poos as often in a day regardless of if it's in a nappy or a toilet. So if you put him back in nappies, is the plan to let him stew in it? I don't know why toilet training is extra work when there are no accidents.

AquarianMum · 05/05/2009 22:55

I sympathise jerikaka - potty training seems to take over your life whether you want it to or not. My dd was 3.2 before clean & dry - very stubborn HV said she was a control freak! Now having same problems with ds. He is 3.6 and just refuses to use toilet/potty. I've been "training" him on and off for six months now, and he doesn't have a problem with using the toilet/potty (no fears etc) he just doesn't want to. At nursey he stays clean and dry all day, and occasionally goes on their toilet. At home he wees anywhere and was waiting until bedtime for poos in the nappy. Have removed nappies/pull-ups as from today as I think he will hold on to it until he gets a nappy on - he was even helping himself to the pull-ups!I've tried every training method known to man, and he just will not co-operate. Any ideas anyone??

Original poster

jerikaka · 06/05/2009 07:00

My nursery recommended a smiley chart reward system. They said to give him a smiley face and tell him that he's made mummy happy by doing it on the toilet, and a frowning face when he has an accident. I must say i wasn't overly happy with this concept and we just stuck to the smiley faces and tried to concentrate on the positives. It does make him happier to go to the toilet, just hasn't sunk in that he needs to take himself. I think i have been looking at this the wrong way and expecting him to get it. he's just an intelligent child, and i really thought it wouldn't be this hard.
There are accidents ches, a lot, he poos in his pants every day, and several wet pants if I'm not on the ball. I can see that he is doing a poo, and i remind him and ask him if he needs to go, but he says no. He's obviously just as stubborn as his dad!

OP posts:

ches · 07/05/2009 03:43

Ah, that makes more sense. I couldn't understand why saying "off you go now, time to wee" was more work than changing a nappy.

nicand2 · 07/05/2009 04:08

How about trying pull ups or trainer pants for a few weeks just to take the pressure off a bit. In my experience sometimes it just clicks.

Original poster

jerikaka · 07/05/2009 16:33

I can't get my head round pull ups, they're just the same as nappies, i'm afraid but thanks for the suggestion. I have spoken to the health visitor who said that we were doing the right thing with the reward chart, just need to perservere with it. As my mother in law would say "he won't be doing it when he's 16"

OP posts:

claireybee · 07/05/2009 16:41

DD got poos straight away but it took a year for her to stop wetting herself. We tried putting her back in nappies but that was more for me because I was getting really wound up by it-she'd tantrum if I tried to take her at regular intervals or get her to sit on the toilet when she said she didn't want to but would then wet herself 5 minutes later.

Then we started rewarding for a full dry day and it worked-since then she has sometimes had a little leak on the way to the toilet but no full wees.

sleepwhenidie · 07/05/2009 16:41

I agree with everything ballina says. Back off. My DS, also pretty sharp usually, was exactly the same as yours. I think they decide for themselves and you just have to act like you aren't bothered either way. I think the amount of attention you end up paying them becomes the biggest issue and they would usually prefer to have lots of attention (even negative attention) than worry about wet/dirty pants.

When he is back in nappies and he is playing with toilet trained friends, I would mention casually from time to time how x is a big boy/girl and wears pants. Then every week or two, while getting dressed, ask DS if he would like to wear pants or a nappy. If he is the same as my DS he will just tell you one day that he wants pants. My DS didn't have a single accident after that.

tarzan · 09/05/2009 13:17

I have just read this entire thread and do feel happier already knowing we are not the only ones with the same problems. DS is driving me crazy, I really thought he would get it faster than this. We are three months in now and sometimes he is brilliant and will even take himself off to the loo, then he will deny all when you ask him if he needs to go then go right in front of you!! The worst one yet was last night - me asking if he needed to pee, him swearing blind he did not need to go then peeing his pants at the dinner table as he ate!!!! I too have tried all the charts, bribes, stickers, ignoring, bribing with presents and now am pulling my hair out!! Potty training in one week Gina Forde - yeah right!!

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