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Parenting

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Original poster

What in you lovely mners opinion is the best age gap between dcs?

23 replies

mymatekate · 01/05/2009 20:19

Only asking as for some bizarre reason have been feeling really broody recently, but only have a 9 month old ds! Was wondering if it was nature's way of telling me it's time for another. Although my head is telling me something different!

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booyhoo · 01/05/2009 20:21

i felt broody when ds was that age aswell, except i wasnt with OH so it didnt happen. am pg now with dc2 and there will be almost 4 years between and to be honest we would prefer it to be less but thats the way it happened.

Chatkins · 01/05/2009 20:22

I had 19 months between my dds, and although hard work at times, I really loved it. I was lucky that dd1 was a very easy, laidback toddler, and dd2 was pretty easy too. I have very fond memories of those times, pushing the double buggy about wth my two babies in it!

I had a 3 year gap then between dd2, and ds. Its nice because the older two can help out a bit, and there wasn't really any jealousy as they were old enough to understand I still loved them.

They are now aged 6and a half, 5 and nearly 2, and can all play together pretty well. I'd like another one by the time ds goes to school!

LackaDAISYcal · 01/05/2009 20:29

For them or for you?

I have five years between my older two, which was like having a first again with lots of time for baby massage, swimming etc whilst DS1 was at school.

I then had 17 months between the younger two and although DS2 is only six months, I can see that they are going to be great playmates already, but it is bloody hard work. It is great from the point of view of DD adjusting really well to the new baby without any of the problems with an older child though.

Perhaps something in between would be better, but then I can't imagine being heavily pregnant and having a full on toddler like DD is now at 23 months.

Ach, don't ask me!

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HecatesTwopenceworth · 01/05/2009 20:32

I think whatever works for you is 'best'.

I like small age gaps. There's 15 months between mine and I like it because they are both at the same 'stage' all the time, iyswim. They are also good friends and, erm, they keep each other occupied so I can mn

BeehiveBaby · 01/05/2009 20:34

Oooh, Chatkins has had my dream set . I have DDs 25 months apart which hasn't been completely ideal IMO, I was aiming for 18 months. I will wait a little while before another one or two. I would like DD2 to have a couple of years of my nearly full attention as DD1 did for her first 2. TBH, I think DD2 is getting the better deal!

captainpeacock · 01/05/2009 20:35

There is just under 18 months between my dcs, so dd was nine months when I actually got pregnant with ds. However, it wasn't exactly my choice, but as I had had minor fertility treatment with dd I really didn't think I would get pregnant again so quickly and dh wanted to try at that time so I humoured him and went ahead and lo and behold I was pregnant. Having said that it wasn't what I would necessarily chosen, dd is 13 and ds nearly 12 and they are absolutely the best of friends and super with each other as they have been together for always. Also having dcs roughly the same age means that I have now almost regained my freedome without having to worry about a much younger child. I would say go for it, it is very, very hard to begin with, but is so much easier when they get older.

Bleatblurt · 01/05/2009 20:42

3 years.

There are 3 years between mine and DS1 was old enough to understand he'd have to wait sometimes as the baby was being fed/nappy changed etc and old enough to understand when we said shhhh.

Original poster

mymatekate · 01/05/2009 20:49

Thanks all! Am getting married in August so now is not exactly the best time, however maybe we can think about it on our honeymoon (although will be with ds so not sure!)
I found it quite difficult with ds as he was a nightmare colicy/reflux/clingy baby, and I would dread having one like that when I still have a relatively young child who can't 'help'.
But he loves other children and I just know he would adore a bro or sis.

OP posts:

spongebrainmaternitypants · 01/05/2009 20:51

captainpeacock, that is very good to hear . I will have 16 mths between mine having had v major fertility problems to get pg with DS (3 IVF cycles ), didn't bother with contraception and now expecting DC2 in October.

Nervous but excited!

moodlumthehoodlum · 01/05/2009 20:53

I had 15mo between mine and wd agree with the other poster with the same age gap. Now, its brilliant, because they play together and have such a laugh.

But, it was farking hard work at the outset, and sometimes I look at photos and feel sad that dd was just a baby when ds was born, and I couldn't focus on her when she was effectively still a baby.

MrsWeasley · 01/05/2009 21:00

I have 18 months between DD1 and DS then 25 months between him and DD2 then 20 months between her and DS2.

the best age gap for us was definately the 18 months one. worst pairing in our family is DS and DD2 with a 25 month age gap.

But then I have a friend who plans her babies so that she has 1 just as 1 starts school so a 4 -5 year gap.

scribblehead · 01/05/2009 21:01

Am suppossed to be doing stuff but v drawn in by all this baby talk. DS2 is nearly 8 months and I want to try for DC3. My husband and I were chatting about it a couple of weeks ago and I said I hadn't even started having perods yet, (still BFing), then half an hour later went to loo and had come on. Is that a sign or what?

smellen · 01/05/2009 21:01

I think the 2 years between mine is good, but others with smaller and bigger gaps all like how their families work. I think you just get used to what you have and, like all situations, there are pros and cons to each.

nappyaddict · 19/05/2009 01:52

According to a lot of my friends a 4 year gap is best. Any less and you get all sorts of jealousy issues and they are usually out of all the tantrumming, hitting, biting, pinching etc behaviour. Also by 4 the first is usually out of nappies and pushchairs and possibly off to school. However one friend still has to have a double as at 4.3 she still can't be trusted to not run off and won't go on reins.

Astrophe · 19/05/2009 03:23

My first 2 are 21 months apart, and I found that pretty hard (but largely because of DC2 not sleeping, and having PND), but I wouln't change it now (they are 3 and almost 5). They are such good playmates, and can play read the same stories, have their swimming lessons together etc...I think a slightly bigger age gap (say 2.5-3 years) would actually be a bit more awkward, as they would be at different stages and need different things/activities at the same time.

I am pg with DC3, and this will be an 3.5 year age gap between DC2 and DC3.

This timing is perfect for us (we hope!). I feel like I've had lots of time to give the bigger two attention as babies, and have given DC2 lots of time while DC1 has bee at nursery. After Baby arrives, DC2 will be at nursery a coiuple of days a week, so I will have some time on my own with Baby as well.

In theory I'd like another one when DC3 is 18-20 months, but I don't know if I'll be up for it in reality, because of the memories of how hard it was with the first two...still, I am SO glad we had the first two close together now.

nikki1978 · 19/05/2009 07:42

I guess there are pros and cons to each gap so it depends what is the most important thing to you. If you want them to be close and play together then a gap of 18 months - 3 years is best. The other bonus with that is that you get the baby and toddler stuff 'over with' in a shorter space of time . Cons to that are it is much harder work for you with two under 3. There seems to be less jealousy with a 4 year plus age gap and the older ones are about to go off to school so you get a good amount of time alone with both of them. Plus the older ones can look after themselves more and can help you out.

I have 29 months between my two and it works pretty well. Was hard for the first 6 months but now they love each other so much and always play together so it was worth it. I think a gap of another 6 months and they may not be such good friends though....

hazeyjane · 19/05/2009 08:08

I've got 14 months between dd's 1 and 2, (they are now 3.2 and dd2 is 2 on Thursday), thye play and fight in equal measure - lots of rolling around on the floor giggling hysterically which then morphs into screaming...'dd pushed me!'...'ow, my hair!'.

Like you spongebrain, we had fertility problems, and it took us 7 years to conceive dd1 (although I had 2 mc in that time). I was stunned when i found out i was pregnant with dd2, when dd1 was 5 months old!

It was pretty hard work at the beginning, but I have friends with bigger gaps who struggled in other ways. I'm finding having 2 toddlers pretty knackering, but my heart sings when they run over and cuddle each other, and make each other laugh like maniacs.

PortAndLemon · 19/05/2009 08:13

I have 3.2 years between mine, which is pretty good; ideally I wanted 4 years, but DH wanted 2 years so we compromised on starting ttc when DS turned two.

But the "best" is whatever works for you. And most gaps work out OK in the end. I have a friend with a 13 month gap who would tell you not, under any circumstances, to even consider that -- but at the same time, now they are past the baby stage it's a good gap to have.

mummyflood · 19/05/2009 08:19

I have 2 DS's 2yrs apart. They are now 15 and 13, and are friends and enemies in equal measure, but I love the closeness in age and couldn't imagine it any other way.

I love looking back at the photos of when they were about 18m and 3.5yrs, both in their PJ's or in pe-school photos, etc, so cute!!

I find that DS2 asks DS1 quite a lot about school and other 'advice', and on the whole DS1 is patient enough to help. DS2 'looks up' to DS1 sometimes, and is also happy to cover his paper round when he is off on any of his many extra-curricular activities, eg camp, DofE, etc. They also fight like any brothers, but to be honest it is quite funny a lot of the time, and they usually end up laughing themselves when they realise how daft they are being.

MarlaSinger · 19/05/2009 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 19/05/2009 10:19

The age gap that I was expecting to have between ds and new dc before my miscarriage

For some reason I have been obsessing about the fact that we won't be able to have them that close together now.btw the gap would've been about 21-22 months

Gateau · 19/05/2009 10:30

So sorry to hear about your mc, chunky (like your name, BTW ).
If it helps in any way, I've had three mcs (two of them consecutive last year). Was starting to lose hope when I got pg wth DC2 in January. Am due in October. Still very worried that everything will work out okay, but am trying to be positive. I hope everything works out well for you.
Provided everything goes to plan, I will have a 2.5 year age gap. Has anyone got similiar? How does it work? And does having different sexes make a difference to how they play together/get on? I already have a DS and haven't found out the sex of the next babe, but I'm just wondering...

nappyaddict · 19/05/2009 10:50

My DS is 4 years younger than his cousins who he plays marvellously with. I don't know if it helps that their interests are mainly running around like loons, going on the trampoline or their scooters/bikes or on their games consoles all things that DS can quite easily tag along and do too. It might be different if they weren't all boys or if there was only 1 cousin as opposed to 3? Sorry for rambling, just thinking out loud.

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