Would you be concerned about this?

[electra]

For the last 4 months or so, when I pick my dd up from school (she's 5 and in reception) I have noticed a boy who seems to wait outside (always by himself), looks about 12 and wears a uniform of one of the local secondary schools, trying very hard to get her attention and knows her name. Rather than being just friendly, there is something odd about the fixation he seems to have on her, and I have noticed him peering into our car as I drive past with her in it.

I hope he is a brother of one of the girls in her class or a son of one of the teachers but I felt concerned and mentioned it when I took her into school, as the children all play outside and have to walk to the senior school for their lunch (although supervised, no doubt)

I'm not sure if I'm being neurotic or whether I'm right to be concerned?

BTW - I asked dd if she knew who he was and she said no.

Ask him who he is and how he came to be friends with your DD. In a friendly way.

oh.

Thanks - my mum suggested I approach him but I was worried that this might seem confrontational - but you think not?

my 5 year old might well not recognise a 12 year old she'd met before out of context. I'd do as ruby suggests. Or say in a smiley way, 'I can see you know (dd) but guess what, she's only little and she doesn't remember you! How do you know her?'
My 10 year old, who has autism, can be very drawn to people sometimes, especially adorable little ones, and unlike the rest of us he doesn't know not to show how enchanted he is. But if this boy is alone that doesn't sound so likely.

That's a good point saintmaybe - it's not always possible to know that there could be a reason why a person might behave a bit differently (and I have a child with ASD too so should have thought of that).

I suppose I worry because of awful things like what happened to James Bulger - which is hopefully very unlikely to happen to most but still makes me a paranoid parent.

is there a nursery attached to the school that your dd attended? If so maybe the boy was in Yr6 then and remembers her from that? My ds in Reception seems to know all the Yr6 children and got Christmas cards from quite a few...

I would be concerned, I dont think you're being neurotic. I would want to know who he is, is he there to collect a younger sibling, did he attend the school himself, do the teachers know him? Don't know how you'd find all that out though, maybe a combination of a quick friendly hello and couple of questions to him if it seems like you can, and a chat with a teacher, perhaps asking one of them who has taught there a while and might know older children who have left to have a look for themself to try and identify the boy.

Maybe you will find out something reassuring, like he is picking up a sibling who will start secondary school next school year, so situation will end anyway.

It's a girls school, so he can't have been a pupil there. Thanks for replies.

My younger brother isn't autistic, but he is semantic pragmatic, which is a communication disorder (and has ADD). When he was around 10-12, developmentally he was younger, and so got on very well with children around your dd's age. It s possible that this is the case here, but I'd still be slightly wary. definately 'introduce' yourself. Have a conversation with him. You'll know then if he's ASD from your experiences with your child. If he isn't, then let the school know. They usually don't like tresspassers, and if he isn't the older brother of one of the children, they will probably wnat him to stop hanging around just as much as you. If he is, then perhaps ask him to not stare at her - make something up about her being a 'teensy bit frightened' if you have to. Maybe say she's just learning about strangers or something.