Do you ever feel like your kids set up tantrums?

[WinkyWinkola]

My 4 yo DS seems to really look for opportunities to rage.

Today for example, he said he was full at breakfast. I checked with him three times that he didn't want more yoghurt, fruit, porridge, toast. He said no thanks and off he went. His little sister eats one purple yoghurt and he goes bananas, saying he'd wanted it and that I was to give him another, "RIGHT NOW," It was the last one so I couldn't.

Or, then I ask him to get dressed but he can still watch telly whilst he does it. He doesn't. Ten mins later, I ask him again, politely and calmly. He doesn't. A few minutes later, I ask him again, politely and calmly, saying that if he doesn't get dressed, his telly will go off. He still doesn't. Off goes the box and I ask him to get dressed.

The shouting, screaming, kicking, chucking of toy buggy begins and he goes to nursery in his pyjamas. Clothes in a bag with him mind.

Why would a four year old want to have two massive tantrums before 8am almost every day? Why can't I think of any way to avoid them? Well, I know why - because I need to get out of the house at a certain time and that's dependent on his co-operation, leaving us open to his rage. I'm sick and tired of living with constant tension and upset.

I feel like I'm getting a stomach ulcer with waiting for his rages. And that he's setting me up every time and that I'm dealing with a child who is far cleverer than I and I just don't stand a chance. I give him extra time, I try to anticipate the potential problem causing issues but nothing works.

HIs poor little sister gets diddly attention because he's so demanding. It reminds me of school where either the troublemakers or the super bright kids got all the teacher assistance and the well behaved, co-operative but average kids muddle along by themselves.

He had a spell of good behaviour (one month) but it's just gone now back to how he's been since he was nearly two years old. And it's a bank holiday weekend this weekend and it's going to be hell because it's always worse rage when DH and I are together at the weekend.

I just want to ignore him totally all weekend and pretend he doesn't exist. Not helped by horrible morning sickness. Poor poor me.

Is it really just my DS? Really? Ah well.

I feel for you, but don't know what to say.

my dd1 will push and push and push until I lose my temper, then do what I was asking all along.

She is 4, but autistic - don't know if her behaviour is because she is 4, or because she is ASD tbh.

sometimes it seems all she want sto achieve is for me to lose my temper - it doesn't matter what happens because of that (ie TV off, or no pudding etc) - she has achieved her goal of making me shout

Don?t worry Winky, it?s definitely not just you! My dd is 4 and we have the same problem, quite often going out the door to nursery but mostly at bedtime. Almost every night there are tears and tantrums and it just makes me so mad, because it?s so unnecessary. I think it?s the age they are, and they?ll both grown out of it (please God!). I always think dd is just flexing her muscles, and really, she?s worse when she?s tired.

I absolutely bellowed at her in the car on the way home the other day because she was whinging that her hands were sticky, but we didn?t have any wipes in the car, which I explained several times. She started shouting ?I need one RIGHT NOW? then threw a book at me (whilst driving ? nice!) and I just bellowed, proper shouted at her. She clapped her hands over her ears and started really screaming and crying (she does get upset at loud noises ) She cried pretty much all the way home, and when we got there it was all I could do not to get back in the car and drive far, far away! But then, 15 mins later, everything was fine. Unprompted, bless her, she apologised for throwing the book at me, I apologised for shouting and it was all OK.

But God, why did it have to get like that? I know I didn?t have to shout, but I was tired after a long day at work, and I couldn?t get my brain into gear to think of ?oh, look at that funny cloud, lamb, cow? type of crap that some people find so easy to do.

Generally speaking, I try to remain calm and explain what needs to happen. And I try to be as consistent as possible, and if things are different one day (ie, letting her eat breakfast on the sofa) I?ll explain why, so she doesn?t expect it every day. She?s definitely better than she used to be, and I have various tools when she?s having a strop ?is that a smile, can I see a smile there, I think I can? usually works

Not sure about the getting dressed issue but with the first one have you tried giving him his desires in fantasy as in 'How to talk so kids will listen'?

"Oh, you would have liked the purple yoghurt. But it's finished. I wish I we had more purple yoghurt. I wish I could have bought a bigger pot. One that was so big it would have filled the boot. Or even one that is so big we had to hire a truck to bring it home."

etc. The idea is that they end up laughing and joining in.