Am I thinking too much? Just need to talk. :0

[thinking2much]

Hi all,

I am left to chat on here as at this second in time I feel tearful and introvert.

I am a very bubbly and chatty person and get on with everyone. I am a mother of 3 children including a step son of 15. I have been with my current partner for 11 years (although we had a 3 year break in the middle) and I feel my relationship with my family is the best and I feel proud.

The thing that is getting me down is that I have only 1 friend. I did have lots of friends (all from the same group that I met a few years back) but now I have chosen to not be part of hteir lives as I feel vidicated by them all the time and as though my friendship was never accepted. I also felt like they rated me as lower then them and I was 2nd rate. They are all from the music business and have this ora about them that says they are better.

After several years of feeling sidelined all the time I felt it got me down to much. No matter what friend I made from being with that group my friendship with them was never strong enough for them to take my side or be a good friend to me.

I am nearly 30 and feel that making new friends (good freinds, normal freinds with normal lives) is so hard, like I am a failure of some sorts.

Anytime I made new friends not from that group I was questioned all the time, like where are they from how did you meet them. Dont forget about your real friends kind of jibes. They would often slag them off and make me feel like I wasn't allowed to have other friends or I couldn't possibly have my own.

I am now left crying at my pc! It is not because I miss them, far from it.....in the end I hated them for what they made me feel and how they treated me. However now I just dont know how to make friends at all!

I worked ofr so many years of my life and no am a home mum and my husband is the full time worker. I love my children and my family and as said before not unhappy about that at all. I dont suffer from post natel depression I dont get stressed around my children at all. I just want to be around some female friends that are nice.

There is so much more to this story but to much to convey in a post on this site.

Also, it is hard for me to make new mum freinds in this area as one of the girls is a mum in this area and she gets everywhere and she is such a big mouth and always spreads gossip, so no doubt she has told them about me.

I am lost.

xx

im not really experienced in this other than i only have a very small circle of friends myself, but that is also through choice as i find it hard to trust people and tend to not let them get too close. it sounds to me like you need to build up your confidence and realise yourself that you are worth being friends with. find out what matters to you and have the confidence to do it, be it a course or class, a hobby, volunteering. whatever interests you. soon you will find yourself among likeminded people and could discover a friendship you might have before missed because of your 'friends' interefering.

Seems I cant even talk to people on here only 1 helpful answer after 1 hour -

I feel even ore deflated - cant even talk to people on the net! lol

Right, come on .... it sounds to me like your self esteem is so bloody low you're paranoid about the number of replies you get here For what it's worth, I have a very small number of what I would consider to be close friends. Friends are people you meet along the way in your life. Some will pass by, others will stick around a bit longer. My best friend I see 4/5 times a year due to distance. I have mums at school that I see 'for coffee' - that's it, no long lasting or truly meaningful relationship and that's my choice at the end of the day. If we wanted, we could all put ourselves out there and have 100 acquaintances .... but that would be tiring and pretty hectic. I think you need to start developing some self-worth. These so-called friends you talked about wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in my life - sound like a bunch or pretentious tossers to me - you are well rid of them I think you are lonely and because you feel like this are blaming yourself as not being able to make new friends.

When I gave up work, I became a volunteer for a local charity. Also, gave elderly people lifts to hospital appointments and shopping. I know it sounds desperate, but most of them were brilliant. Great characters and fantastic life stories. I became really active in our schools PTA which opened other avenues to make 'friends'. I think you need to stop thinking you must have a best friend and just enjoy the encounters you have with many different people, but you have to make an effort - sitting around feeling sorry for yourself won't help. Blimey, I sound like my mother Seriously, get up, join a class/gym/club/volunteer group anything to get you out there.

You are right Icandothat. Thanks so much for your words they have made me think more outside the box.

You may sound like a mum but I think I need those kind of words right now....my mum is not as forward as I would like so you hit it on the nail. Thanks

Good !! I wish my kids would take note of me as well !!!

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. Friends are all about quality not quantity. While my brother and his family have a huge social circle, enormous parties and endless engagements, i have fewer freinds but really value those I do have.

Some I've known for more than 20 yrs, some much more recent. I have met them generally through things like courses I have been doing.

I actually never got into the making friends with new babies thing as kept moving both times while pregnant.

As has been said before, it is probably more about self esteem. Look inward and find your strengths and stop wasting energy on people who don't build you up. good luck.