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Parenting

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Original poster

what age would you leave dc home alone?

30 replies

holdingittogether · 29/04/2009 12:23

I am thinking 15mins to half an hour type thing while you collect another child or nip to local shop etc. I know it will depend on the maturity of the child but presuming they are reasonably sensible and they are not let in charge of any siblings what age do you think it is ok?

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ICANDOTHAT · 29/04/2009 12:45

10-11yo depending on child

bellavita · 29/04/2009 12:52

I would leave my 9.5 year old by himself for 15 mins whilst I went to the shop (but more than likely he would be eager to go for me instead) I would be reluctant to leave him with his brother - 12 in June as world war 3 would probably break out!

DS1 stays by himself on occasions for a couple of hours at a time but he is very sensible.

Original poster

holdingittogether · 29/04/2009 13:04

DS1 is 9 and I have considered leaving him on a few occaisions but haven't done so yet. He is very sensible and I know I can trust him not to do anything he shouldn't. Dh was a bit shocked when I said to him about it so hence asking what others think. I can remember being left all day at age 11/12 while my mum worked. Looking back I think it was very irrisponsible especially as I often had to look after my younger bro and sis too. I was thinking that as long as there was some rules like, don't answer the door even if it's someone you know, if the phone rings never say mummy isn't home say I'm in the bathroom or something. I think he would be ok for a short time e.g 20/30 mins max at age 9.

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MintyyAeroEgg · 29/04/2009 13:06

I have left my 8 year old dd alone in the house for 15 minutes or so. She was happy with that. Any younger and I don't think she would have wanted to be left alone.

thirtysomething · 29/04/2009 13:06

I leave DS age 10 nearly 11 for very short periods, with my mobile number handy and tell him to stay in one room that can't be seen from the front and not open door to anyone (we get lots of door-to-door sellers of dishcloths etc here). He is fine for 20 minutes or so, but then gets jittery!!

bellavita · 29/04/2009 13:07

Obviously you know your own child, but I think as long as he is aware of the rules and has your mobile number then it will be fine.

DS1 keeps asking me when he can get the bus into town on a Saturday - not yet my son!

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/04/2009 13:08

Ds turned 10 at the start of April. I've only just started to leave him at home whilst I pop to the shop at the end of the road (not a long road, 10 mins there and back max). I do worry though. He's very responsible.

BalloonSlayer · 29/04/2009 13:13

I started leaving DS1 alone for 15 mins while I took DD to an activity (on foot! - I am nervous about going anywhere in a car just yet) when he was 8 and a half.

He is very sensible. Also, he has life-threatening food allergies, but I feel confident that he won't suddenly decide to eat something he's not allowed - he's not like that.

He loves being alone for that short time and it makes life so much easier for me.

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/04/2009 14:21

This reply has been deleted

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muggglewump · 29/04/2009 14:27

I leave my 7yr old for 10-15 minutes while I pop to the shop but if there was a problem I know she'd go next door or to one of the other neighbours.

I can't go much further really without being gone for an hour because of the bus times (I don't drive) and that won't be for a while yet. 10 perhaps?

andlipsticktoo · 29/04/2009 14:29

ds 1 (12) up to 2 hours with phone (v sensible

ds2 (10) up to 1 hour with phone (v sensible too)

ds3 (6) never in a million years..... well maybe by 35

MrsBoo · 29/04/2009 14:30

My DS has only just asked to be left alone, but its only been for about 10-15 mins. He is sensible, and he has been given all the rules about answering the door, or to phone me or his Dad if he is worried.
He is 9 and a half, and we live in a quiet cul-de-sac in a village.

BitOfFun · 29/04/2009 14:35

Agree with Shiney, 10 is fine for most kids. I think up to half an hour at 9 is probably ok too. The important thing is that they know not to answer the door, not to say you're out on the phone (as mentioned), and that they know what to do in an emergency. I leave my 12 year old in charge of my 8 yr old for 10 minutes tops for a quick dash to the shop, but I'd be happier to do it for longer if dd2 wasn't such a handful (special needs). If it's just dd1 though, she can be on her own pretty much as necessary now- she's more than happy to look after herself and do her own thing these days..where did my baby go?!

Original poster

holdingittogether · 29/04/2009 14:43

Thank you everyone. The next issue will be that ds2 aged 6 will now throw a wobbly about yet another thing that ds1 is allowed to do that he isn't but that's a whole different thread.

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bellavita · 29/04/2009 14:52

hey holdingittogether - that happens in the bellavita household too!

cory · 29/04/2009 15:22

I leave my 8yo alone for half an hour or so. He also makes his own way home from school and is allowed to the nearest shops on his own.

Will let the 12yo take the 8yo into town for a morning's shopping and will leave 12yo alone for a day (but not yet in the night time).

Mumwhensdinnerready · 29/04/2009 18:11

12 but only for half an hour.

KingCanuteIAm · 29/04/2009 18:51

MWDR, do you have dc this age? I am interested as your answer seems far later and for less time than others. I am wondering if you have a reason for this (ie an exprience with your dc) or if yours just have not got to this age yet.

Mumwhensdinnerready · 30/04/2009 16:37

Mine are 13 and 11. Maybe the reason it is later is because we live in a small village with no shop and several miles from nearest town. DCs therefore get little opportunity for independance...I can't for example send them to corner shop because there isn't one.

This means that if we go out and leave them home alone , it is likely to be by car and some distance away, so until DS1 was 12 the most I did was half an hour while I went for a walk or to a neighbours.Now he's 13 I will leave him an hour or two if we're out in the
car. I confess there is a list stuck on the fridge entitled "Home Alone Rules"

The other factor is that while I might leave the older one alone I would not leave his younger brother with him, a) in case of sibling war and b) because I wouldn't want DS1 to be responsible for his brother. Not that they are irresponsible or badly behaved but in case an emergency arose .

Now I'm feeling I must be overprotective etc....

ByTheSea · 30/04/2009 16:43

DS1 - 11 (he's 13 now)
DS2 - never in a million years (he's 12 now)
DD1 - 8 (she's almost ten now)
DD2 - probably 8 (she's almost 7 now)

MagNacarta · 30/04/2009 16:48

I leave dd1 (9) for 15/30 mins, I've run through what to do in an emergency and she's a very sensible. DD2 (7) has been left with dd1 once when I took ds to a local club, so about 15 mins. Part of me thinks this is fine and remembers that at 7 I was collecting my younger brother from school and looking after him at home till my Mum came home at 6. Then another part thinks 7 is too young, but mostly because of what people would think rather than based on dd iyswim.

lunamoon2 · 30/04/2009 21:52

My eldest =12 very sensible and knows not to answer the door.
Middle one =10 will leave for max 20 mins, but not together!

KingCanuteIAm · 01/05/2009 09:27

MWDR, that all sounds pretty reasonable to me! I don't think you are being over-protective either. It is difficult when you know the first time you are going to have to leave them properly it is going to be for 90mins or more - it would certainly change my thought processes!

I am lucky enough that mine have never entered into sibling warring so that is not a factor for me really.

My main difference to others here seems to be that I would be happier leaving a child with a sibling than without. The main reasons for this are that, 1) we are a large family, it is rare indeed for any of my children to be alone. Being alone in the house would seem isolated and, I feel, would lead them to panic much more quickly. 2) Feeling a certain amount of responsibility for someone else in an emergency helps you to focus and stops you panicing in quite the way you may if alone. 3) If something happens to one there is another there with some kind of idea of how to handle it - even if it is just to run to the neighbour or dial 999.

Obviously, all of the above only work if the second child is nearing an age where they could be left independantly, knows the rules and basic how to deal with an emergency and will accept that the older child is in charge without question.

cory · 01/05/2009 09:53

I also prefer to leave mine together, KingCanute. And I'll only allow them to go into town together. The reason is that dd is disabled and can collapse very suddenly. Ds is only 8, but I am fairly confident that he would at least be able to go into a shop and say 'excuse me, my sister has had a fall, can you help us'. And if she fell at home, he would be able to call an ambulance. Or at least get a neighbour.

Otoh dd knows she is in charge of him because he is too little to go around town on his own. Does her good to have responsibility too.

hobbgoblin · 01/05/2009 09:59

I've left a 9 year old and nearly 8 year old together for up to 15 mins (probably more like 10). However, my mother left me age 11 and my sister aged 9 once and we had an attempted burglary while sister and I were in the house.

I didn't really know what to do in that situation but ran to neighbours over road and also screamed at burglar and tried to catch him which was a bit silly. We were all fine but I think it made us all realise that v. unlikely things could happen and at age 11 one might not necessarily be equipped to deal with them. That said, I'm not sure I'd have known what to do exactly aged 21 either!

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