Finding it difficult to be attentive/affectionate to DC2 for fear of invoking jealousy from DC1

[BirdyBedtime]

I've been lurking for a while but this is my first thread! I'm just wondering if anyone had any strategies for dealing with this situation. My DD is nearly 4 and my DS is 15 weeks. I find myself not being so attentive or affectionate towards him as anything like this leads to DD asking for the same, for example if he is on my knee she'll want on the other one, or if I say "Isn't DS getting big" DD will say "But I'm bigger mummy" and things like that. She isn't jealous overall and loves helping with him but I worry that he'll end up not feeling as loved because I hold back when she is around.

Hi there

I don't have a second baby so not sure how valid this is but didn't want you to be waiting for an answer on your very first thread!

Isn't it OK to give them both attention at the same time? Have both on your knee and compliment the older as well as the younger? Maybe you could tell DD how much DS loves her and how he always has a special smile for her etc? Make her seem really important to him! Also, it might work to ask for her opinion on things like what to dress him in and then say something like 'oh, doesn't he look lovely in what you chose for him'.

Not sure though, I'm sure someone better advised will be on very soon!

I had a smaller gap so my DS1 was only 2 when DS2 was born.
I think my advice was don't hold back with affection for the baby, you'll regret it later. They do learn that you love them both and sometimes you cuddle one, sometimes the other and sometimes both ( called a 3er hug in our house).
I found that having a second child was much harder than having one , often because of the need to do everything for the baby with a toddler hanging on!

Thanks to both for your replies (particularly as it is my first thread!). Christmas, I do try to do the things you suggest so am glad that someone else thinks these are good ideas. I guess that sometimes I'm just not in the frame of mind for an active toddler and just want to be in baby mode. It is much harder than I expected with 2 as MWDR says - but I will try not to hold back as this will be my last baby so don't want to look back and wish I'd cuddled more etc.