Oh FFS will he ever learn? Potty training is sapping my will to live and turning me into a shouty woman

[Washersaurus]

I fear I may be losing my sanity with DS1's potty training now - after about a year of it I have had enough. I can't stay calm anymore and he is useless at it. I have been reduced to shouting and I feel like crap about it. I am making matters worse and don't know how to sort it all out.

I'm so fed up, I can't afford the constant washing, and am getting bored of washing 3 loads every day.

He is starting school in September and there is no way he will be dry by then at this rate.

I have just had to put him in his bedroom out of my way because I am feeling so cross about it all.

Please don't be mean to me..I know I shouldn't have shouted. How can I turn this around - any ideas?

My nephew was the same, and the fact that my sister got so angry definatey made things worse. She was getting really cross cos he needed to be out of nappies so that he could go to preschool whilst she was at work. In the end my mum sorted him out whilst he was staying with her during the holidays - so if you do have this as an option maybe someone else could take the lead. He was approaching 4 and took just over a week to be accident free and in the end he was quicker to be dry at night than his older brother. I think the fact that my son who is younger was also being toilet trained at the time helped as he wanted to be a bigger boy than the baby - if that makes sense. You could praise DS2 for using the potty and see if that helps. Also be clear about where you want him to go, for my son i never used a potty - and i got him to stand to do a wee. I think all the advise about trying to ignore will help if you can manage to do this. My mum had four of us under 4 and now frequently reminds me us of the horrors we got up too. I used to wet myself on purpose if i didn't get my own way and my brother did a poo on his breakfast once - so when they know how to push your buttons they will.

lol at 'did a poo on his breakfast'

Oh, my God, that is funny. Not for your mum, though.

You need to see the GP. If he is weeing every 20 minutes he may have bladder instability and benefit from medication, along with a bladder training programme.

And many children that poo their pants have a degree of constipation, the poo in the pants can be the overflow that seeps around a blockage. This is often the case for children that really don't know they are pooing. Constipation also exacerbates wetting, as the loaded bowel puts pressure onto the nerves supplying the bladder.

Some areas have a paediatric continence nurse service which your GP can refer you to. Otherwise the paediatricians at the hospital often see children with extended wetting and soiling problems.

I had similiar issue with dd1. She refused to poo anywhere but pants despite an initial succesful 2 weeks of PT. 6months and a zillion pair of pants later I was almost hysterical (she was 3.5). I had tried EVERY tactic mentioned here and more as had the nursery.

In the end I went to asda and bought massive tupperware box and filled it full of tat I knew she would like but i'd never buy. Made up this elaborate story about 'poo princess' dropping it by and giving mummy instructions. Told her everytime she did poo in the toilet she could choose one thing from box but evertime she'd had an accident, we had to take one item out to give back to the princess (we left it on doorstep) who'd give it to another child who hadn't had accident. The result - 5 poos on toilet in first 48 hours and never an accident since. I think it was combo of tantalising tat and the fact it was for the princess and not for us, that she did it. I knew she was just being lazy at the time, and this proved it.

I hate PT and it's time to do dd2, but i have to say i'm a bit scarred for life after dd1. It was seriously hard work.

DD has just 'got it' after a while. I was exactly like you, I saw 2 HV's to ask for help. Finally the doctor explained that 10%of 3-4 year olds have no emotional attachment to potty training, basically don't give a s*, this drops to 4% at 4. Maybe he is not ready, boys are notoriously late at training. We went bacj to basics for awhile and then started again.

I am so glad we are normal!! all the comments above help. we have more of the same stories. Good to have a laugh - in the nicest possible way -
as in if you dont laugh you cry, there is always someone worse off than you. Thank you too for all the above advice I guess we all get there in the end - somehow.

My dd is going to school in September too, she has been potty trained for almost two years. She does all of her poos in the toilet but often wets herself and has only in the past couple of weeks started to take herself off to the toilet for a wee without being asked. I stressed and worried about it, then I talked to my mum who told me that I used to wet myself until I was about 4 or 5 and that I should chill out. She said that she used to shout at me and now she regrets it. I am more relaxed about it now than I was as I think that 4 is still very young and I think sometimes we expect too much from our little ones. (esp if they have younger siblings)

Also I recently spoke to a friend who is an infant school teacher and she reassured me that lots of children wet themselves at school and why was I worried about it. It seems that all of dd's friends are 'potty perfect'! Maybe their mums are just a bit economical with the truth?!

I did take her to the practice nurse to check her urine a few months ago, she was far more reassuring and helpful than the health visitor was.
Another thing is what are you giving your ds to drink? I experienced much better results when I stopped routinely giving her squash, I thought I would have a fight about it but I explained why I wasn't going to give it anymore, to my amazement she was ok about it and it really seemed to help. I do let her have it occasionally but mainly give her water or milk and even if she drinks the same volume it doesn't seem as bad.

maxbear, that is really reassuring to know that you don't remember your own potty training or your mum shouting at you. It' great to know we're not all emotionally scarring our kids for life!

i have been trying to train ds2 too for the past year as well on/off. he is 3.4yr now and JUST getting the hang of it. only because on saturday we just popped out and i had to change his nappy and thought i had run out of spares. so i just said 'right i haven't got a clean nappy can you tell mummy when you need the toilet?'? yeah right!!! anyway before bed he was jigging around desperate to go he's actually had a fear of the toilet. he sat on it and weed it was such a moment!!! i cried! yesterday morning he did it again we've had more accidents then wee's on the toilet, but i'd say if your ds is weeing that frequently and heavily i would certainly want an underlying medical reason ruled out? DS2 was like that a year ago when we started i remember changing his pants/trousers 4 times in an hour! whereas now he's weeing every couple of hours.

sorry to drone on, don't be too hard on yourself. i smiled when you said about your ds2, my ds3 is 2 in July he is also trying to take his nappy off and sit on the toilet now!!

I second what sidge said, if weeing every 20 mins may have a UTI.

I know as this is what has happened to my DS, he was doing fantastically BUT now has a stonking UTI and was really miserable/in pain last weekend and week and like a dripping tap to boot!

After having a one or two accidents per day for several days, none next day then a weekend of no accidents but much whining and clinging he had 10 + tiny accidents on monday. Then, when sat on loo, could neither wee nor stop the drip - 20 minutes and I needed to go pick up DD, so I popped a nappy on him and called GP next day.

DD has reflux into her kidney from and inherited (from me) duplex kidney, it is likely DS has the same. Any UTI can lead to serious kidney infection and scarring (as DD has) so we cannot try again with DS until he has had some scans and is on prophylactic antibiotics and has a 'clear' from uti test result.

Good luck to you, hope things are getting better.

My name is duchesse, and I am the mother of there children who weren't what you might call fully dry until they were about 7 . I feel your pain.

And and should say say child 2 had full investigations including kidney scans etc- they was no medical problem whatsoever...

marmaduke my ds1 had urinary reflux from birth it was just caught in time before his kidneys were scarred he grew out of it fortunately, as had repeated UTI's.

Dd1 is nearly 5 and just now really getting the hang of it and doing everything unprompted, but still wears the night time nappies. Fine with me, but she's very keen to do "sleep overs" with her little mates, and don't think that would work.

I did get really stressed before school tho - had a word with her teacher who said that she was fine about it, but when it came to the crunch (or the puddle!) she really wasn't, and would go on and on at me about it (I had gone to the dr to check for utis, and there was nothing - and nothing more they would do at that age). But, bloody-mindedly, the teacher getting all het up about it has made me feel more relaxed about it