Baby in one hand and need to get tantruming 2 year old up the stairs for nap time....bad mummy alert

[BiscuitStuffer]

Nap time. Warnings given, Lots of chat about which bear was coming to bed etc. She didn't want to stop playing. Big tantrum.

I told her that she could either walk herself or I would drag her. She carried on screaming so I took her by the hand/arm while carrying ENORMOUS heavy 9 month old under arm )plus I have a very sore neck) and essentially dragged her across our wooden floors as gently as I could (she slid along quite nicely , marched her up the stairs and ended up carrying her under other arm and plonked her directly in to her cot.

She hit a new level of screaming so i told her she could lie down and I would tuck her or she could sort herself out. She hit the roof. I had to put the baby down by this stage which then set him off screaming. I picked him up again and then I screamed 'stop screaming' (in the loudest roar imaginable) to try and break the cycle. This worked and then she calmed down to sobbing rather than angry, so I gave her a big cuddle, tucked her in and told her I'd come back again once I'd go the baby down.

I went back 5 mins later once baby was down and she had passed out asleep.

PLEASE tell me how else I could have handled this - she doesn't seem to respond to being left to scream it out.

I don't really know what to advise as I haven't got to the 2 year old stage yet but I just wanted to say you don't sound like a bad mummy, watching my 9month old eat the Style section of the SUnday TImes whilst reading this thread is a bad mummy.

IMHO it worked, ok shouting isnt ideal and not something that should be relied on as a parenting technique but you have two sleeping children. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. If you have tried the softly softly approach you would probably still be there now.

Enjoy the peace

You have my sympathy. We were like this on and off for a while.

Can you try and put the baby down to sleep first and then bribe DD to come to bed with offers of a story and some cuddles? She might like that....

hi,

the only thing i may have tried is allowing her to play for a little while longer. if not im pretty sure i would have done what you did my DD is at the 'squeal to break mummys ears' stage and has been for a good while and she WILL NOT stop squealing/screaming unless i shout over her as this shocks her and shuts her up its whoever shouts the loudest at the mo, wins the race
you are most definitely NOT a bad mummy!!
if you are then i am and im not well at least i dont think i am
xx ei xx

TBH I would have done much the same. Neither of mine ever screamed it out without getting hsyterical first.
All I do differently now is sit down whereever I am and cuddle them both until hsyterics have stopped, and then I start the fight again.

I wouldn't have attempted to get a two year old who was already tantrumming to do something she didn't want to do tbh.

I'd have left her downstairs and taken the baby upstairs and put the baby down.

Then I'd have gone back to tackle tantrumming two year old.

My ds stopped having an afternoon nap in his cot when he had only just turned 2. Some two year olds really don't want it anymore and it seems a shame to force the issue ...?

I was going to say does she still need a nap, mine dropped hers at age 2 as well.

Just be careful if you drag by the arm, it can result in pulled elbow and a trip to A&E

my dd is nearing two, some days naps are fine and dandy and she will even ask, other days, not a cats chance in hell that i can get her down. i am assuming its cos she is gettin g ready to drop the nap altogether.

i will miss it more than her i think!

i think i would have settled baby first and then tackled the toddler - as its probably not that nice for the baby to hear all screaming either and she is just being two afterall.

have often left dd to shout it out for a few minutes just to calm down myself as if i raise my voice it just makes it worse, and after a few minutes, she is very pleased to see me come back and is more likely to respond to encouragement to settle.

hoope it settles down for you,.

Thank you everyone for being so supportive and understanding!

She definitely needed her nap today and naps 4 days out of 7 per week (not on nursery days). She had a long busy morning and was absolutely ready for it. I think it was just her being 2. I have to BF the baby before his nap and he'll only take it in the bedroom, so i would have had to have disappeared for 20 mins and as he has the shortest nap, I'm keen to dovetail the start of their naps as closely as possible!

I think that you are right though - it probably would have worked quite well to scoot him in first, so i think i will try that tomorrow.

Thank you again for all your help.

I don't blame you for wanting to maximise everyone's nap time Biscuitstuffer! I was completely gutted when ds gave his up (but it really wasn't worth the upset any more) because his older sister had carried on having a 2 hour nap right up until her third birthday. So when ds decided to opt out it was a terrible shock to the system but I just had to and bear it!

Biscuit, I can totally sympathise with that. DD1 would only nap with a cuddle first and DD2 had to be fed and changed.
I used to sky+ peppa pig or something to keep her quiet for 20 minutes and stick that on for DD1 while I sorted DD2 and then she woudl be nice and zombied from teh telly to be ready to sleep herself!

I have a similar situation here (DD1 is 2.3 and DD2 is about to turn 1) so I think I have definitely been there (right up to the "everybody stop shouting" which I have actually shouted myself - hypocrite!).

I think I might have put DD2 in her exersaucer (or playpen or somewhere where I know she would be temporarily entertained and contained) put DD1 to bed and then come down for DD2, do the bf and put to bed too.

My DD1 is also really resisting naps (and pretty much everything I ask her to do including going to nursery, getting dressed, getting in the car, getting out of the car...) so I do feel for you. You are not a bad mummy, you are doing whatever you can to survive.

Had to drag DD1 into the car while carrying DD2 the other day - not pretty to any watching public I'm sure.

Biscuit - I hope you realise now that you are not a bad parent

It is very reassuring to know that I wasn't as extreme as I thought I was, though I still wish I could be completely mild tempered all the time

I think we all wish that sometimes (about ourselves, not you, biscuit!), mine were hard at these ages, you have the same age gap as me, it does get easier, but this stage was really hard.

I vote for sticking to guns for nap, if they are tired, then tantrums are 20times worse. If they are happy without it then fine, but if they are grumpy for the afternoon, they need it, even if they tell you otherwise, imo. Have also had identical situations to yours, and reacted in the same way. Now we have battles about dumping entire contents of bath, including water on bathroom floor, and eating more than one minute mouthful of food per meal time. So you have that to look forward to...lol

Thank you for your lovely reply!
I have to say, that of all the battles to be had, food doesn't worry me. If they don't eat, they don't eat. I really don't mind. I do know for a fact that there is much button pressing to be done by them over the next 20 odd years and I am genuinely scared about how I am going to handle it all without needing to put money aside for their therapy .