DS involved in bullying of my DD what do I do ?

[Comewhinewithme]

A few weeks ago I posted about a girl in my ds's class (y6) calling my dd (y4) who has dyspraxia and some LD's a retard .
This was sorted however dd has come out today and said that the girl called it her today saying :

You do look a bit of a retard .

This has made me angry but what upsets me more is that a group of children present laughed and agreed this includes DS according to my dd who is very upset.

My 7 year old has also said that he was involved .

He has denied it all and flew off the handle but I am convinced my dd's are telling the truth .
I understand he may have felt some peer pressure but I am so mad that he didn't stick up for dd .

So what do I do obviously I am going to speak to school again but how do I deal with ds ?

if he is denying it until he is blue in the face say to him very firmly that if you ever hear of him picking on your dd at school he will be in xxxx amount of trouble

and then go back and talk to school about the insulting girl.

a horrid situation. sympathy

Thankyou . I honestly feel like going back to HE her .
It is silly little things but this girl will not remember saying such awful things when she is older but it is damaging my dd she will remember it all her life .

I feel awful because she was so excited this morning new to be wearing her school dress and shoes and went to school beaming and came home sobbing .

All i want to do is sob too about it .

how awful

if your ds denies being involved though i don't think there is a lot you can do, apart from emphasise to him how upset your dd is and how nasty this other girl was and how it is totally unacceptable behaviour to treat other people like that.

how long has your dd been in school (i take it you HE'd before?)?

It is awful we HE last year for 6 months I loved it but she missed her friends and asked to go back and to be fair to school they ahve worked hard with her ......but issues like this keep cropping up .

Going to see how it goes I don't think HE would be the ebst option atm because our new baby is due in 4 weeks so things will be very hectic . But I am thinking about it and it maybe that she stays at home in September .

I am dreading her attending aecondary school kids are so cruel .

Sorry to hear about this; it is heart breaking to see your DC so upset and even worse to know that your DS was part of it.

Having said that, I imagine your DS already feels pretty bad about the whole thing. He must feel backed in to a corner. It is tough to stand up to peer pressure at any age, let alone 6. Perhaps what he needs is a quiet chat about how hard this was for him and what he could do differently if it happens again.

I am sure that you have enough on your plate being 8 months' pg on top of all this. But I think you should cut him some slack and help him do the right thing rather than go in guns blazing.

Just my opinion though. Clearly you know your DC the best.

Oops sorry, I see I have confused yr6 with age 6 . I think my comment still stands though. Even adults find it difficult to stand up to peer pressure.

i have no experience of this except that i was bullied myself as a child.

would it help your ds to see how it has affected dd if you all sit down as a famly and say what has been going on, get dd to say how it makes her feel when she gets namecalled and ask the other children how it makes them feel when their sister is being bullied. it isnt directly pointing the finger at ds but it might make him see how painfull it makes life for dd. he also might be able to say to other children next time anything is said.

I know it is probably completely wrong but I would tackle the girl's parents - tell them that their daughter has been using the word retard because if someone came up to me and informed that DD had been she would be in serious trouble. Tell them that you are going to take it further and you feel that they should maybe have a word with her about how not to treat others, especially those with a disabilityas you are sure that theyrealise how politically incorrect and damaging their daughters behaviour is.

As for your DS tricky - even in year 6 peer pressure is a huge thing. If he was a leader and a very confident child it would probably be easy to turn on the bullies and stand up for DD but if he isn't that strong or maybe not that popular it will be hard for him. Either way I thinlk he needs some sort of grounding and a stern talking too.

Thankyou for all your replies .

DP and I have both chatted to ds about the effect name calling has on people . He is still sulking and hates us all .

WRT to his confidence he is one of the most popular boys at school and is very confident which upsets me even more as he and this girl have in the past been playground buddies and on the pupil council .

However I remember how hard it is to go against the crowd and I can tell he feels bad so I am not coming down too hard on him we have chatted about him not been a sheep and how hard dd finds things that he finds easy .

As for the girl who is using the word I am thinking about contacting her parents I just feel so angry that she is damaging my dd's (already low) confidence .