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Should I have handled this differently?

13 replies

muminthecity · 25/04/2009 22:07

DD (3.6) has been attending a Musical Theatre class on a Saturday for about 2 months. The first time we went I was a bit surprised that parents were asked to leave immediately, and not even allowed to wait inside the building, but DD seemed fine with it, so I left her there and she seemed to enjoy herself.

All was fine until last week, she got really upset and started crying when it was time for me to leave. The teacher picked her up and whisked her into the class, I waited until she came back out, she said that DD had stopped crying and was happy and settled so I could leave. Afterwards, DD said that she was sad because she missed me but she did enjoy it.

Today, we were walking towards the hall for the class and I could see DD was getting a bit anxious. Before we even got through the door, DD was crying and begging me not to leave, so I reassured her and told her she didn't have to go anymore. We went inside and I handed in her notice plus the fee, apologised and told the teacher that DD had decided she didn't want to come anymore.

The teacher was clearly annoyed with me, told me that DD had only cried for a few minutes last week, then was fine, and that I needed to give her a chance and that she'd be fine once the class started. She also said that 'clingy' children usually 'play up' when their parents are there, but are fine when the parents have left. She obviously thought I was being very PFB and was overreacting. I was upset with the way she spoke to me, so I just said "DD is not clingy, nor is she playing up. I am not going to force her to do something that she does not enjoy" and walked away.

Did I do the right thing? Should I have handled it differently? Tried to persuade DD to give it another go? She honestly isn't a clingly child, she has never once cried when being left at nursery.

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LadyGlencoraPalliser · 25/04/2009 22:09

She is very young yet. I would leave it a term and then see if she wants to go back in September. How long is the class for? 30 mins was probably the most mine could cope with at that age.

Hassled · 25/04/2009 22:10

Yes, you did the right thing. The teacher is insane. And not allowing parents to see what's going on is just weird.

imoverhere · 25/04/2009 22:11

Sounds like you did exactly the right thing to me. What a snotty woman . In fact, I think you were quite polite.

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plimple · 25/04/2009 22:15

She's only little and doesn't want to go so of course you did the right thing. I've taught a lot and the teacher is right that a lot of kids are happier once parents have gone, but that said I would allow parents in so long as they joined in! Generally kids will cling to a parent if the parent is there so you have to try to get them engaged in the activity so they don't notice when the parent steps back. It's a fine line to tread and the teacher clearly got it wrong!!!

muminthecity · 25/04/2009 22:18

The class was an hour long. I started taking DD when the weather was bad and I was struggling to find things to do at the weekend. I just wanted it to be a bit of fun for her, but they seem to take it all quite seriously, lots of talk of portfolios and auditions and the like. Not really something I am interested in getting DD in to.

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BirdyArms · 25/04/2009 22:18

Everything for that age group that I know of parents are welcome to stay the first few sessions and HAVE to stay in the building. I think that you are right not to persuade her to go, it's supposed to be fun after all.

Heated · 25/04/2009 22:19

If your dd was 8 the woman might have a point but she's only wee. Yes, she probably does enjoy it once there but the worry and upset before hand that you describe doesn't seem worth it. My dd can be a bit clingy but not to the extent of your dd's distress - imo be guided by her.

Did you ask dd if she wanted to go again?

muminthecity · 25/04/2009 22:21

plimple - I didn't really mind not being allowed into the room with her, but would've liked to have had the option of waiting in the hall or the room next door or something so I could at least hear what was going on and been close enough to just go and get her if she was upset.

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plimple · 25/04/2009 22:23

You weren't even allowed that? Weird!! I'd have taken dd out and refused to pay.

muminthecity · 25/04/2009 22:24

Heated - I asked DD if she wanted to go again and she said yes, but only if I could stay with her. I told her I wasn't allowed to stay and she said she didn't want to go on her own. When we left today she was relieved and overjoyed that I hadn't left her there.

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Heated · 25/04/2009 22:28

Doesn't sound like much fun for your dd; you've made the right decision. Are you going to look for an alternative or just leave it for a while?

muminthecity · 25/04/2009 22:30

Think I'll just leave it for now, it'll be summer soon so we'll have lots more options for things to do at the weekends. I might look into it more towards the end of the year and see what's available.

Thanks for all of your posts.

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piscesmoon · 25/04/2009 22:46

I don't see why you can't stay witH DCs at that age-I would have thought they would have got more out of it if you all had fun together.

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