When does it get any better??

[shish]

Have ds1 2.10 years old and had ds2 4 weeks ago. Finding it really hard to cope with the 2 to the point where I'm wondering if we've made a mistake (which I know is horrible). Feel really low and panicking all the time.

When does it get more managable?? Are all my anxieties normal??

Your feelings are TOTALLY normal, trust me. And you just have to remember it does get easier. I felt like this and i only had one child, so i know how you feel. Have you got any family that can help you a little? Stay positive xx

See the thread i just posted in this topic about my 5 week old. Ds is my 4th and i am still having anxieties. I am sure it wil get better at some point you just have to muddle through. I too feel low and stressed out at times. I think it is all part of having a newborn.

I promise promise promise that it does get easier. What you are feeling is so normal.

DD is 3yo and DS now 20wks and I didn't know if I was coming or going for the 1st couple of months. I knew it would be tough but had no idea how tough. Like you, I really started to think that we'd made a mistake having a 2nd and that made me feel terrible.

But things have improved and I realised that those 1st few weeks were about surviving and that's it. Forget housework and the like for the time being and concentrate on yourself and your LOs. I found getting out lots helped cos DS slept and DD loves going for walks to the park etc.

When did you start to feel like you were managing or like you had some control over the situation?

Probably only the last month or so. And there are still off days where I seem to achieve nothing!!

I think I forgot just how bloody hard it is looking after a newborn and how bad the sleep deprivation feels.

The biggest favour I did for myself was to lower my own expectations and understand that I'm not some superwoman and I can only do my best. Sometimes I felt torn in two and didn't know which LO to see to 1st but it eventually falls into place. Although a lot of motherhood is about instinct, there is also so much to learn so don't be hard on yourself if you're finding it a struggle....it's damn hard work and I'm sure you're doing a great job

Well when my youngest turned 3 I suddenly thought, wow, I'm so glad I have children now.

I remember when I had a 3 and a half yr old and a baby. Those were tough times for me. The second baby really hit me harder than the first.

It wasn't a nightmare for the entire first 3 yrs of my dc2#s life though!! The first 6 months were the worst.

ps I still feel a bit guilty that I literally wished away the first 6 months of my dc2's life. I found it hard though.

I think it goes in stages - 6 weeks and it gets a bit easier, easier again at 3 months, easier again at 6 months and then again at 1 year. My youngest is now 16months and it is absolutely fine.

It is so so hard at the beginning but it really does get much easier very soon

i had 2.5 year difference, i felt human again and had some control when dc2 was around 7/8 weeks old!

dc2 nearing 6 month mark now, time has flown by soooo quickly! hang in there honey, like others have said it does get better! we're thinking of #3 now!!

I felt more organised about 3 months in. Having said that it was a new type of organised, everything is so hard with small children. Like someone else said I wished away the first 6 months of dd's (she's almost 8mo now) life and now I'm just waiting for her to be on the same food as her big brother (2.6yo) and I think sanity will start to return to the household. All you can do is muddle through, you will be able to get on top of things in a few months. Just keep yourselves fed, clean and well. And ask for help if you have anyone living nearby.

That's what I feel like I'm doing. I feel like I'm wishing away the first few months of his life and I feel so guilty for it.. I know with ds1 I felt more settled once he was on 3 meals and a routine at 6 months and that's what I keep wishing for. Isn't that really bad??

I promise it gets easier, it really really does. Basically the first stage of 'better' is when the baby starts sleeping for longer periods, which obviously makes a HUGE difference - hopefully that will start to improve a bit around 6 - 8 weeks. The after that I just found I started to settle into it and feel a lot happier, and by 12 weeks or so I was properly into the swinfg of things and much happier. Although to be honest it only REALLY started getting actually good (as opposed to a little bit of an endurance excercise!) when DD2 satarted crawling and interacting and DD1 decided that actually she was possible quite fun after all. Once she was walking, a whole new set of challenges emerged, but on the other hand at that stage you start to realise the whole fun of having siblings, they play, they fight, they kiss and cuddle and run around giggling inanely and you watch them and think YES, I was right to do this. Now DD1 and DD2 are 2 and 4 and thick as theives, they adore each other (when not trying to kill one another of course. It can't all be bad as I'm crazy enough to have done it again and now have a 2 week old DS....... I promise you it improves. Don't be too hard on yourself, try not to be too hard on your older one, let things slide, don't get riled by the jealousy issues and tantrums he is bound to throw (easier said than done I know), remember that in what will (when you look back on it) seem like the blink of an eye they will be running around together like a pair of naughty puppies causing you all sorts of other (but hopefully more fun) trouble.....

Don't feel bad - it is soooo hard. There are 2 years between my two and I found the first six weeks almost impossible, particularly bedtime. we'd had a brilliant routine and it all seemed to go to pot. DD needed me most when I was putting her big brother to bed. I can't remember the turning point but once the collicky evenings had passed and I was getting 4 hour stretches of sleep in the night I felt more human. Mine are 2 and 4 now and play together nicely, and it all feels like it was a great idea! (so much so I keep thinking about another one)

No that's not really bad. I did it too when DS was 1st born and I felt terrible. But I think if you asked any mum about the newborn stage, most would agree that it's grim and many would say that they did not enjoy it. I know I didn't with either of mine! It is such hard work and you get so little back.

But it is a relatively short period of time in their lives and soon you will find it less of a struggle because he will become more predictable, more manageable and your confidence will have returned.

Of course you will also be getting gummy grins and chuckles by then too

Nelly and Tomate - you have certainly cheered me up with those thoughts of my 2 in a little while

I have almost the same age gap between my 2 ds's. One of the worst things I remember about those early days is feeling like I was failing both of them and not giving either of them the attention I wanted to.

It really will get easier. I think by the time ds2 was about 6 months things had fallen into place - lots of cbeebies for ds1 helped! Try not to have too many expectations for yourself - it's a difficult adjustment for all of you.

But once again, it will get better - just hang on in there!

Your anxieties are normal and it will get better. Agree with everything Stinkyfeet says. DS now 5 months and DD nearly 2 and it is much much easier, but still hard at times, hang on in there. One of the things that helped me most was meeting another mum locally who had a baby at the same time and also had a toddler. When things settle down in a few weeks do you have any groups you could go to to meet other mums? Good luck.

Well, it sounds like I'm not the only one that feels like this - so that helps. I agree that I feel like I can't really give either of them the time that they need. In fact even where I was enjoying ds1, I don't even have the energy or the mental strength to do that anymore!!

I want to start getting out, but don't know how to do it with both of them. I feeld bad ocs ds1 is in daycare all day for 4 days and the one day he is at home we're just in the house all day.

You've all been really kind and I really appreciate all the support

Could you start by just walking to a local shop to buy a paper, and a comic or something for ds1? Even if it takes an hour to get everyone ready, at least you're getting out of the house. Hopefully it would make you feel more confident, then you can work up to longer outings.

I'm feeling very low with all of this today. Feel like I don't heve the will or the energy to give either ds my time and attention. Can't figure out how to fit ds2 in around ds1 when his feeding is so erratic and so different from day to day. Ds2 5 weeks now and I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Feel like all I am doing is feeding and burping all day.. Everything feels like a mess

Help....