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Parenting

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Should I keep my ds away from this boy

7 replies

lostitoday · 23/04/2009 21:20

Hi
Just wondering how to handle this situation but my ds has made friends with a boy at school although they are not in the same class but are in the same year.
The problem is that this lad has some behavioural problems which his mother has not ever been able to sort out and she is always having problems with him.
The behaviour he displays is swearing, sticking his finger up and wispering in my ds's ear offensive things about people even strangers he just seems to like mouthing off at people.
Sometimes he is fine and him and my ds play fine together but I am quite worried about his behaviour rubbing off on my ds and that this boys behaviour will get my ds or even me into trouble.
Yesterday this boy came to my house and my ds and him were playing in my back garden when I heard them talking over the fence to the gril of 9 who lives next door and who happened to have her freind there from school also.
I noticed that whatever was been said over the fence wasn,t friendly banter and it was mainly my ds's freind that was doing the talking he was obivously mouthing off again at this girl and her friend so I went out and said whats going on and the girls mom was in the garden and she said that my ds and his mate were not been very nice and were swearing over the fence at her dd and freind.
My ds and his mate were retaliating by saying that her daughter was swearing and sticking her finger up at them and she called my ds and his mate a couple of fibbers quite aggressively.
I know that if I hadn,t of remained neutral and calm about the siutation that things could have turned very nasty.
Then the next thing was that she sent my ds in to get me again as apparently my ds,s mate had been saying racist comments to her dd's freind who happens to be ethnic.
I am not talking of really bad comments but just silly name calling although I am aware that anything thing like this is totally unacceptable and I really told this lad off in my noeghbours presence.
However the whole episode has unsettled me and I am worried that this lad will bring trouble for us if I let the realtionship continue and I would hate for my own ds's behaviour to change as I know he may be easily led by him.
They only play together three times a week after school but if this lad had his way he would be here every day and the realtionship has become a little intense.
What should I do should I keep my ds away.

OP posts:
poopscoop · 23/04/2009 21:25

how old are these children?

lostitoday · 23/04/2009 21:26

8

OP posts:
lostitoday · 23/04/2009 21:33

Anyone

OP posts:
risingstar · 23/04/2009 21:40

i have to say that at 8, i would not allow this child to my house. It is true that you cannot choose kids friends generally. However, I have had the situation when my eldest ones were little when i did a very firm "that behaviour is not acceptable in my home." followed by call to parent to collect them. You have to be very firm and set your own child a good example of what is acceptable and what isn't. I would also apologise to the neighbours and assure them that childs friend will not come back.

applepudding · 23/04/2009 21:47

I think that 3 times a week is a lot for your child to be playing with a boy you are not really happy with.

Try to invite other children over so that your DS spends more time with other friends and hopefully this friendship will die out.

Friendships can still change quite rapidly at that age IME.

DS has had friendships with a couple of boys at school that I haven't much liked the sound of from what he has told me. I have never invited them to our house.

sas45 · 23/04/2009 21:54

Must say i agree with risingstar. If friendship seems intense now it will only get worse surely? I would strongly discourage this friendship and encourage one that is more fun for your ds. x

lunamoon2 · 24/04/2009 22:28

I agree with the others. Whilst you can't choose you child's friends for them, I would certainly try and discourage this friendship.
Can you invite another friend over, or take your ds out so as to avoid this other boy.
Sorry can't offer more help but he does sound like he could be a very bad influence.

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