I've sent DD to her bedroom for the rest of the evening - am I being harsh

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

She's 8. She threw quite a large stone at me when I said it was time to leave the park. The stone hit me on the arm and hurt, was quite a hard throw.

She tried making excuses saying she hadn't been aiming it at me. I've told her I don't believe her and she's not to come out of her room. I'll take her some tea up later.

But I've just realised it'll be 3 1/2 hours till bedtime. Is that too long? I'm sure she'll read books, etc up there though.

too long imo

no tv if she comes downstairs and maybe help you with some chores?

was she annoyed, arguing about leaving?

it's exactly what I would do to my 10 year old if she did that.

Well if she had apologised then I would say too harsh, but it seems she was just trying to excuse her behaviour, I don't see a problem with it. I'm sure other will flame you though

Seems fine to me.
Throwing things at people is a big no-no.

No, I think it's fine. But then I am hard as nails.

Not too harsh. She needs to know that her behaviour was unacceptable.

I would leave the punishment stand. But make sure you kiss and make up before bedtime.

Has she eaten ? If yes then I think it's fine . Throwing stones at people and no apology would definetly get short shrift here

Yes, she's in her bedroom, not exactly shut in a padded cell. I would feel horrible about it, but you need to let the punishment stand.

Yes, she was argueing with me oevr leaving the park. The past couple of months she seems to be getting very argumentative and answering back. I've been trying to deal with it but it seems to be getting worse. I'm hoping this will make her realise she can't carry one.

She's managed to fall out with her two best friends at school. It sounds like she was been mean to them yesterday and telling them she's going to look for new friends, etc. Now today she's upset because not suprisingly they've ignored her all day.

She did say sorry straight away, I just feel that I don't want her to think she can do anything and then escape consequences by saying sorry. Ahhhh, its tough.

Did she do it in temper or was she messing around and went too far? 31/2 hours is a long time but I don't think you should go back on punishments if possible...

If I were you I would take tea up at 5ish and then give her the opportunity to appologise again. If she is sorry and clearly means it then I would compromise, perhaps let her come down with no TV or to help with the washing up followed by a normal evening.

However, if it was you taht was angry because it hurt (which is understandable) and you have over-reacted then I think you should explain why you did that, appologise for over-reacting and ask her to appologise for hurting you, even though it was an accident then carry on as normal for the evening, lesson learnt.

Sorry x posts, I will read your responses!

Oh no. She's had a horrible day at school as well with her friends ignoring her!

What a dreadful day. I feel sorry for her now - was she cross because she's had such a dire day do you think?

I wouldn't back down though. Maybe leave her for a bit, go up with her tea, talk about the friends thing? Suggest she run herself a long bath, put the day behind her etc? Go to bed early.

Oh I like what KingCanute said too

I've just taken her homework up to her and told her if she's good she can come down in 2 hours. So she can have an hour downstairs with us before bed.

Well, she sounds like she is having a tough day so I suppose that is why she behaved like that IYSWIM. If it was an act of temper then I agree you should not retract the punishment. I still think the whole evening is a bit too long but I can totally understand why you have done it.

How do you feel about her earning some of her evening back? Maybe she could come down after tea if she loads the dishwasher or something? This way you can reinforce the bad behaviour = punishment, good behaviour = reward?

When you told her 'if she's good she can come down' what kind of 'good' did you mean, presuming she is up there by herself?

Did you mean not screaming and shouting?
Was she?

Did you mean not messing up her room?
Has she?

Just seems a bit of a non-specific statement, tis all...

She might well have meant to aim the stone at you, but she might not have meant to hurt you (ie she was thinking about the journey, rather than the destination).

She may have thrown it because she was already angry and cross about what had happened at school with her friends - she seems to have got herself into a situation she doesn't know how to resolve there.

I sympathise. My DD is also 8. She is largely lovely but does get into vile tempers sometimes. She calls them her 'grumpy moods' and can be really destructive and rude. She doesn't enjoy them anymore than I do.
I try not to escalate it by usually leaving her to it - sometimes by putting her in her room, but just as a short 'time out' to give us both some breathing space.

Then we have a chat about it.

I would say 3 and a half hours is quite a long time - it kind of means no real family 'down-time' this evening before it's bed and then back to school tomorrow and having to deal with her tricky friend situation.

Gah 8 year olds - a real muddly in-betweeny age, dontcha think?

She'd been whiney at her bedroom door on and off. So being "good" meant stopping that, I did specify that to her and she has gone quiet now.

I dread to think what she'll be like as a teenager. Everyone says they get worse.

I think you've done the right thing both with the original punishment and now by relenting a little but still giving her long enough to think about what she has done.

A bit of solitude never did anyone any harm. Kids don't get enough of it these days. She is in her room, safe. Yes the time will drag but in the wider scheme of things what's a couple of hours? But I'll bet she never throws stones again.

I don't think it's too harsh.... At 8 she definitely has to learn to control her temper.
How about you take her tea up, then have a long chat about how to resolve the friends problem, a quick game or story, then bath and bed with a big cuddle. I wouldn't let her come downstairs though. That way you're bending but showing your punishment stands.

I threw a stone when i was 8, missed the person, it hit a car and the owners called the police on me! - I wish i had just been sent to my room i was petrified! .
My dd is also quite angsty now to (just about to turn 8), i find it really frustrating, and difficult to deal with, i have to tell myself she is still a CHILD, despite her clever ways of outwitting me at every turn!
I dont think i can say much more other than i would have done exactly what you did - including letting her back out for an hour before bed.
Maybe try to take her out for coffee and cake next week - something a little bit special, and you might be able to get some feelings out of her, find out what is going on for her at the moment, once all the stone throwing stuff has blown over!
These 8 year olds do seem to struggle a bit dont they!