Does anyone else have a member of the family who shows NO interest in their DC?

[Gateau]

In our case it's my BIL, my DH's brother.
Since DS was born two years ago BIL has shown NO interest in him.
Since he as born (he didn't even buy him a gift)he has barely TOUCHED him, never mind picked him up, put him on his knee or played with him. He never comes to see him either, not even on either of his birthdays.It goes without saying that DS doesn't have a clue who he is. There isn't ONE photo of him with DS.
The last straw was when, last week for DS's second birthday, his parents brought a present and card, allegedly from him. It was so obvious that he has netiher got the present or even written the card. So insulting.
DH is REALLY hurt by it all, particularly considering all the support he has given him over the years with his motorpsort. He has followed him round the country for years and now that's it's DH's moment he can just not be happy for him. DH told me last night it would be very hard to think of him as a brother ever again; he is just so upset, and I'm also upset and hurt for both him and our DS who is such a cherub and so loveable.
More than that, BIL hasn't once congratulated us on our new pregnancy. He just gets worse. Most people I tell about this say he's jealous (he's 38 and has a girlfriend but has never committed). My feeling is that he is jealous but also very, very, very selfish.Okay, not everybody is interested in babies and kids, but FFS, show some warmth for your brother at least.
I know I'm ranting - I have been for ages, and I now think the only way for me to stop this anger is to pretend BIL doesn't exist. Has anyone experieced similiar; if so, how did you cope wth it?

Oh fgs, you can't expect the entire world to love your children as you do. In fact I'd go so far as to say that parents who do this are extremely tiresome (thinking of my own sister's expectation that her disproportionate worship of her DS2 and emotional neglect of her DS1 be shared by the rest of us). Let your BIL be who he is. OK, maybe that is somebody not very interested in your children, but so what?

you just have to accept it, gateau. My brother rarely sees the dds or asks after htem. He's got hisown busy life, he's a single guy. Doesn't really bother me at all.

I would not take this personally against your DH and DS, it is just that some people are not particularly interested in children.

Obviously your DS the most important thing in your life, and you probably can't see that other people do not have the same interest in children that you do, but I suspect that for your BIL it is the same as if your DH was interested in football and he wasn't.

My DB and SIL do not have children and although they are always interested in DS, buy him presents and play with him when they see him, it is not the same level of interest as friends who have children of their own.

yeah, I have a family member likes this: my mother. But I can't offer you much help with coping strategies as it pisses me off to no end. But, then she doesn't really care much for me either. So why would it be any different for my kids?

My BIL still hasnt seen my DS, he lives 30mins away and his parents live up the road from us. Not even on boxing day did he come round (he was spending it with his parents)and we've invited him about 4 times.

We are not expecting him to be involed in DS's life in a big way (infact hardly at all) but to never come round, ask after him etc is very hurtful to DH. Im therefore very angry because I see how it affects DH so can completely understand why you feel this way too.

We have a similar probem with FIL - DH's dad. He has been away for 5 weeks in Oct / Nov, and then 101 nights from Jan until last week. We did not see him over christmas, so we calcualted that the last time the kids saw him was october half term - that is nearly 6 months ago.

He is back now, and we are waiting for the invitation to see him - DS does not even know him as I reckon they have seen each other about 6 times in his entire life, and DS is now 2. FIL has missed two birthdays and two christmas's for my kids, and I feel sorry for my DH as he can see the great relationship the kids have with my parents.

There is nowt as queer as folk, IMO!

"Gateau, personally I think his behaviour is borderline outrageous. Even if he is not interested in children he could at least make a token effort of buying card / present / visiting occasionally."

Thanks Ali. I would be happy with this.(it's the most we would ever hope to get)

Am not sure why people think I EXPECT BIL to be INTERESTED in my child. I said in my initial post that I understand not everyone is interested in kids. But a token gesture for the sake of his brother is the very least he could manage.As I said before, it's not about how HE feels about DS It's about - at the very least - support of his brother.

My entire extended family never bothered at all with my children and have never seen our youngest child.
We manage fine without my relatives and I have a wonderful sister-in-law who dotes on the dcs but her man does not take any of us on. (He is pretty odd at the best of times).

It is sad but I don't think you can encourage your BIL to become interested in your child, Gateau. Yes, it hurts but you may have to accept that he is like that and let it go.

I guess your BIL is smarting a bit - sounds like he and your DH used to have quite a "matey" sort of relationship and your BIL got used to being a very important part of your DH's life.

Now (quite rightly) the most important people in your DH's life are you and your ds. Your BIL probably feels rejected and is reacting, albeit very childishly, against the person who has usurped him in your DH's affection.

Sounds like our entire family
DD3 got £80 in cash in posted cards for her Birthday, she's 5 where's the excitement in that, I felt really sad for her.