How do you know or accept that your family is complete?

[MrsDoylesMole]

I am very confused as i swing between thinking that my 2 girls are enough for us and the knowledge that we always wanted 3 children.If dp is asked he alway says no we dont want any more.I almost seem to panic when i think about not having anymore children ,like i wont be needed or special.
We always spoke of having 3 children but im not sure that will happen now.
Financially it would be much harder and we dont live in a big house so would be very cramped and then there is the issue of cars and health implications also arggggggggggggggghhh
Sorry just waffling

I could have written so many bits of these posts myself. I have 2 DS's and after my last one I didn't think I wanted anymore, but in the last few months this feeling for another has become so strong. I now hate the feeling that I will never be pregnant again and experience those first few days with a baby. We had kids before a lot of our friends so we now know quite a few who are pregnant / just had their first baby and I feel so envious of that excitement.

My 2 DS's also get on really well and I can only see another slotting in quite easily, although I do worry about a third child having SN in a way that may take away attention from my DS's - would that be fair on them?. We do have the room but financially it would put a strain on us. And there is a part of me that quite enjoys the fact that we have a lot more freedom these days now that my almost 2 yr old is out of the baby days.

The big issue is DH. He doesn't want to do it all again alhtough he does have nostalgic moments when he holds a small baby. We lost a boy between my 2 DS's at 21 weeks and I then heamorraged and he got scared by the whole incident so I think that may be putting him off. He just doesn't see what another child would bring apart from expense and he thinks a baby would hold our other boys back (i.e not able to do as much with them if you are held back by the ablity of the baby).

Sorry I've not been much help. My basic answer to your question is that I dont think that my family is complete but I dont know if I'm actually going to be able to do anything about it. I hope the feeling subsides???

I knew because 2 is enough dammit!! plus we are too poor for more

I stopped at 2 because:

I hated being pregnant.

I'm 40.

Having 2 means we can have the lifestyle we want, and give the kids what we'd like them to have.

But, tbh, it just feels right.

i think having a happy family is more important than a nice big house.
i have 4 DC, we live in what looks like a normal semi. we converted the garage into a 4th bedroom, and put another bathroom in downstairs. its worth it when i see them running round the garden having fun and enjoying each others company.
like myermay said, kids dont notice materialistic things, just good fun
any size family is perfect, as long as you are all happy

I felt done after my third and dh and I were (and are still) in agreement. For the me the best question to ask yourself is how would you feel right this minute if you found you were pregnant. If the answer is happy, or excited or 'good' sort of scared or whatever - then you and your dh need to talk lots and maybe go for it. If the answer is 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh' no - not no meaning actually ok but NO!! then you're done.

I fall firmly into the second category - which is a good thing for our bank balance, energy levels, my pelvic floor...etc etc.

I have 2 and am definitely done - I don't have the time, patience or energy for any more children!

However, quite separately from that, I feel a sense of grief that that part of my life is over, and envy for people with new babies because they've got it all ahead of them. I've come to the conclusion that that's perfectly normal, and part of feeling older and coming to terms with that.

Ah, a Mums menopause panic, I have 2 of those!

I disagree about all the "all children need is love" "children don't mind/notice not having enough room" type comments.
They aren't stupid, they know some of their friends have these things and they don't, our neighbors daughter spends her life trying to work out how she can get her own room, by moving to Grandma's and she's only the eldest of three in a 3 bed house, they have number 4 on the way.
We have three children in a 4 bed house and if we get number 4 I will be building an extension before it arrives, it's just not fair otherwise.

'it's just not fair otherwise.'

Oh come on! Having your own room is nice but hardly neglectful parenting if you don't have it. My older two share at the moment and will do so for a few more years before we redeploy our study into a bedroom. Hadn't realised I wasn't being 'fair'

No it's hardly bad parenting but is it fair on them, well only you know the answer to that.
I do think people know when they've spread themselves too thinly though and babies need/want next to nothing but children are darn expensive.

There's that 'fair' word again - seems to imply that you think own room (and one assumes a financial sufficiency) is the basis for having another child? Well i believe you should only expand your family if you can afford to feed, clothe and nurture them but I don't think there's a minimum income requirement! Or indeed a square footage of housing required per birth

There's such an element of chance in all these things anyway. You can plan one more child and end up with twins - or triplets! You plan a child thinking you have enough room and then be hit by bereavement or illness and lose that position. You can have your four bedrooms for your four children and then have a sibling or best friend flee their relationship straight into whatever space you've got!

There are lots of reasons not to have a child - and the time, health and energy of both parents is quite rightly a limiting factor - but number of bedrooms really isn't!

We'll have to agree to disagree but I think living space and a room of your own is extremely important, especially in a large family.
The two people I know from families of 6+ have gone on to have one child. That for me says more than words.

Yes we will have to disagree! I had three children in a two bedroomed terrace for a year - though we intended to move to a larger house and were eventually able to do so. As far as examples go - I know somebody from a family of 9 and she has four children.

I would love more. I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters (parents both remarried) I love when we all get together.
I have ds 8 month
dd 2yrs.
Dh says no more ever
I have days when its hard and testing, but still just cant imagine no more.
Dh says its ok to share now, but not when teenagers etc...
I shared and loved it.
My friend has dd 5, ds 3. They had own rooms, but her youngest kept sneaking in bed with his big sister in the night, she moved his bed in to her room and he has slept through ever since.

I just decided. I have no idea how/why.

At one point I would have liked a girl but I think now I am working p/t, having another child would set me back another few years and we would have to move house again.