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Original poster

Hpothetical question...

14 replies

stickyj · 19/04/2009 20:12

WWYD if our ds had told you his friend has been/gets beaten with a belt. I ignored it , then Ds said he hd seen his friend being smacked around the face by his dad. This is NOT a smacking/no smacking debate 'cos I have smacked and I am not in this to be haraungued. Is it my business or what? Feel uncomfortable and kinda wish I hadnt known.DH says this is different culture discipline and to keep my nose out. 20 years ago this would have been accepted and tbh schools and police had much more respect/discipline because kids respected them more. I feel uncomfortable about it..WWYD?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 19/04/2009 20:14

I would ring the NSPCC for advice - i think they have a helpline for this sort of thing

being beaten is abuse

maybe alert the school - how old is your DS?

greatwhiteshark · 19/04/2009 20:14

oh no

Horrid position to be in and I can quite understand you wanting to not know! But...I don't think being beaten with a belt or smacked round the face is anything like a kind of reasoned, thought-out discipline method.

Is he a school friend? Can you let the school know? They'll have a child protection policy so will know what to do.

deanychip · 19/04/2009 20:15

OOh that is a tricky one yes.
Like you say, 20 years ago this was acceptable.
What does your DH mean by different culture?

There are lots of things to consider arent there, and i think that i would feel the same in your position, very difficult one this.

mrsmaidamess · 19/04/2009 20:17

I would let the school know. A child at my school was seen being slapped around the face by their parent whilst walking home. The passer by came straight to the school and reported it.

Original poster
stickyj · 19/04/2009 20:18

He's 10 and child lives 5 doors down. Plays at ours loads. I don't know how true it is and child is happ enough when he's here. Cheeky, swears too but so does mine Is not allowed to watch Harry Potter but plays 18's. Bad mum alert, but mine is oungest of 4 kids and therefore pfb syndrome has worn off. He tells me very sarcastically that it's not real etc.

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greatwhiteshark · 19/04/2009 20:19

Do you know what school he goes to? Could you report it to them (similar to mrsmaidamess's story)?

If not, I'd ring NSPCC to ask their advice.

Original poster
stickyj · 19/04/2009 20:23

Family are from ria, kids born here as far as I know and are Moselem. My son has been to their "meetings" I'm not sure of the correct word sorry and has enjoyed being there and eating the yummy food. He always brings food home too as it's traditional to share.Adults gather to pray/talk and kids play as far as I know.Dad always seemed gentle guy, goes to places to sing (son says this) and gets on OK with my Dh. Is it my business to intefere in cultural discilpine, they have two other boys and little girl and I get on well with the mum.

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Original poster
stickyj · 19/04/2009 20:24

Sorry, family are from Syria, not Ria

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Original poster
stickyj · 19/04/2009 20:28

If child is making it up, things could go shit shaped if I reported it. Other child that has been told is a bit worring too. My son is not allowed to sleep over there any more because of an incident that happened two weeks ago and it's still worrying me. I hate being a mum sometimes, you let them do something and then worry about it forever. Think I'm too trusting sometimes and other times I'm like a paranoid rottie.[sad

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AMumInScotland · 19/04/2009 20:29

I don't think that beating a child with a belt, or smacked round the face, are acceptable in any time or place or culture, so I would speak to someone about it - as others have said, maybe the NSPCC, Childline, that kind of thing, or social services. As you say, this isn't about "a smack", about which there is debate and a range of opinions.

I don't think even 20 years ago, when smacking was much commoner than now, this level of treatment would have been in any way considered "normal punishment".

Original poster
stickyj · 19/04/2009 20:34

Didn't we have corporal punishmnt in schools then, not that I think it's right?

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Original poster
stickyj · 19/04/2009 20:36

Have to go soon as one of the ds's needs laptop for school stuff. Interested to know what you think and ideas for what I should do. Thanks.

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DuffyFluckling · 19/04/2009 20:38

I don't think this is a particularly tricky situation.

You believe that a 10-year-old boy is being beaten with a belt, and slapped around the face. You must do something about this. Ring NSPCC. That's a good starting point.

losingtheplotthisweek · 19/04/2009 20:39

Sticky - you can report to NSPCC or Social Services anonymously, then they do their job and try to find out what is/isnt true. I feel quite strongly that if you have any suspicion you are obliged to report it, you may just be adding a piece to the jigsaw that social services are beginning to put together.

Please ring them or the NSPCC tomorrow Sticky x

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