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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you let your (sensible) 7yo walk alone to the corner shop...

31 replies

MyEye · 19/04/2009 10:30

if s/he really wanted to do this
if s/he would be out of your sight for 2 mins max
if there were no roads to cross en route

OP posts:

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SlartyBartFast · 19/04/2009 10:37

probably not,
but other people would i am sure.

pooka · 19/04/2009 10:39

YEs. Definitely.

Am of your having a corner shop with no roads to cross. Am wondering what I'll do wrt giving dd more independence when she's a little bit older, because school too far and too many roads to cross for her until she's much older and local shops involve longer distance and big road to cross as well.

LynetteScavo · 19/04/2009 10:40

Yes - DS1 was 7 when he first went to the shop by himself, but it was very close.

I imagine Sunday morning is as safe a time as any for a first lone journey.

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pooka · 19/04/2009 10:41

TBH is the roads I worry about more than anything else (i.e. abduction). So much more traffic than when I was little. We live in the house I grew up in and by dd's age (nearly 6) I was regularly going to the park on my own and playing out without supervision. Started walking to school on my own at about 7 - same house, same school. 20 minute walk. Couldn't imagine doing it today because of the increased traffic and also the of other mothers.

itchyandscratchy · 19/04/2009 10:42

dd1 (also 7 and very sensible) has wanted to do a few things like this recently.

She went to the shops with an older neighbour (aged 12) the first time. The next time she took something round to our friends' house (one road to cross which I watched her doing) then she had to walk downt he road, round the corner (and out of sight for a couple of mins) then back again. I waited at the door whilst she did this just to give her some reassurance. She was delighted with herself.

So I think I would let her but not on a regular basis as yet, esp as there are no roads to cross. I think I'd make a big deal out of the fact that you will be waiting and she is being very responsible.

The roads would be by FAR the greatest worry for me in letting her do anything alone.

violethill · 19/04/2009 10:46

Yes, sounds a very sensible way to start building up a little independence.

Think about what s/he will be wanting to do when s/he's 10 years old, 12 years old, 15 years old.....

Then work backwards and think how you'll get there.

IMO the biggest danger is wrapping your child up in cottonwool to the extent that they are then thrown into situations later that they aren' used to. Gradual build up is the way to go.

mrsmaidamess · 19/04/2009 10:48

yes of course.

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't.

Original poster

MyEye · 19/04/2009 11:41

I let her go yesterday. She was so chuffed.

DH, though, was horrified when I told him. Says it was irresponsible of me.

OP posts:

wb · 19/04/2009 11:43

Yes, definitely but I'd want to be told each time not just have her 'disappear' iyswim.

violethill speaks sense

applepudding · 19/04/2009 12:51

My DS is also 7. I am wondering when I will feel confident in letting him do things alone. There is nowhere he can walk to safely where we live, and I cannot see myself letting him walk to school until he is in secondary school, as although you can walk to our nearest secondary school without crossing any major roads (apart from outside our house) you cannot do this to DS's primary school.

Was considering yesterday if it was about time to let him stay at home by himself, for example if I want to go for a 20 min walk and he doesn't want to come.

edam · 19/04/2009 12:54

Glad you did it and dd was chuffed. What's dh's objection? Perhaps you could use violethill's reasoning on him?

roisin · 19/04/2009 13:54

Yes! My mum has a corner shop and the boys used to go and fetch a pint of milk or a newspaper when they were tiny - much younger than 7. I won't tell you how young because you'd probably faint!

Here our nearest shop is about half a mile away, with lots of busy roads to cross, most of which have pedestrian crossings or zebras. ds2 first went alone when he was 8, ds1 didn't go til he was 10, because he was worried about getting lost.

diedandgonetodevon · 19/04/2009 13:59

In our area yes. Two minutes is a very short time and they need to learn how to go out on their own.
If we lived somewhere very urban I might be more reluctant.

Hulababy · 19/04/2009 14:02

In circumstances as OP then yes, I probably would. Not much different really as me waiting int he car whilst DD goes into the butchers or grocers to pick up some bits for me - which she loves to be allowed to do

searchingforananswer · 19/04/2009 14:19

My little one is only 5 so I haven't come up against this yet but I often how I am going to deal with it, when the time comes, in our ever changing world.

I am a great believer in forging independence in your child, they learn accountability and become a more confident adult with the ability to deal with life. My mum has a friend who she came over from Ireland with in the 60's, a couple of years ago her son who was 16 was put on work experience at a police station in East London but they lived in North London. This woman took him on the train every morning and met him in the evening?? IMO this was ridiculous although naturally I understand where her fear was born out of. However if you don't start letting them go early, you have to take giant steps later.

I have incredible respect for my mother, she ruled with an iron rod and you never dared cross her but she gave my brothers and me a monumental amount of freedom. From the age of 6 I, with a group of friend walked to school and back which was over half hours walk with one main road - although there was a lollipop lady. I could go out to play and take off to the park or on my bike to friends houses, so long as she knew where I was and I returned at the agreed time.

When I was 11 years old, I had only just started secondary school and my parents business took them to the opposite end of London. The thought of changing schools when I had just settled in and there were other implications I will not go into now, terrified me. I managed to persuade my parents to let me stay at my school and for 7 years I did a 4 hour round trip every day from one end of the tube map to the other. I left the house around 7am and would get home around 5-5.30pm.

It was 1985 when I started that journey and the world was a different place but certainly not a safe place. I never gave a lot of thought to the freedom I had, just took it for granted as being the norm. By the age of 14 I knew my way around the West End and all its back streets as good as a London taxi driver, London was my home and I knew it inside out. I was always grateful to my parents for letting me stay at the school I wanted to be at and it compelled me to work extra hard and apply myself to my studies as a way of showing them that I was not just playing around and wasting the fortune they paid out on train fares.

I want my son to have that sense of independence and the maturity to appreciate what he is given and behave responsibly. Will I have the courage my mother had though? I'm sure someone here will think she was plain irresponsible not corageous at all but if you met my mum, irresponsible is never a word you would use to describe her.

crazytown · 19/04/2009 17:31

Absolutely not no matter how sensible they are

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 19/04/2009 17:34

I would do. DD has been allowed to walk to school herself aged 8. Again its a 2 min walk and no roads.

stitchtime · 19/04/2009 17:36

my sevenyear old walks to the post box at the end of the road. but the corner shop is around the corner, ten minutes away, and three road crossings away. i wont let him do that.

marialuisa · 19/04/2009 18:41

DD (8) has done this since she was 7, including road crossings, we're now letting her go further afield and she's fine. DD is a sensible but "head in the clouds" type.

Original poster

MyEye · 19/04/2009 20:16

I get the feeling there are many MNers not posting on this, as I'm aware few of my RL friends would think what I did was OK.

I'm fine with that, though .

DH's objections... well, he went on about risk. As there are no roads to cross I guess he's thinking about the 'A' word.

I don't want the DCs to think life is full of fearful stuff abductors and wotnot when, thankfully, it is not. I'd like them to have a confident, rounded approach to life and other people.

I'm going to work on DH. I know DD wants to do it again -- she asked again today.

OP posts:

verygreenlawn · 19/04/2009 20:59

I've got such mixed feelings about this sort of thing, and in fact was talking about it today with DH.

Ds1 is nearly 6 and a half and is very un-streetwise (if there's such a word). I really want to encourage him to be independent, but he's a complete daydreamer, liable to step off the pavement without looking, and seems to have no sense of danger - that sort of thing.

Last year when he was nearly 6 I let him go for a little wander round a little park we have near us, with an older boy (who is very sensible - so I was in the park but I let them go out of sight for about 10 mins IYSWIM). The park is completely enclosed, so there's no danger within the park but I guess they could have wandered out, although I'd obviously drilled them not to.

DH was NOT happy - but if I can't let him have a little wander in a park with a friend, then how will he learn? (ds1 was thrilled I'd let him do it btw).

Any advice? I don't mind at all if you disagree with me btw, but I'm really struggling with how to encourage ds1 to be a bit more independent!

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 19/04/2009 21:05

I would - we have a little shop 200 meters down the road - a straight road from our house I can see him 3/4 of the way.

I think the first couple of times I did it I would probably call my friend who lives opposite the shop to keep an eye out for him.

When I was 7 I lived away from my parents and although it was too much responsibility and independence I do think a little is a good thing.

seeker · 19/04/2009 21:07

Of course. Why wouldn't anyone?

Lilyloo · 19/04/2009 21:11

Toough one.
DS just turned 7 and i am still too wary of letting him go out of sight tbh.
He is allowed on the street on the front and also (out of sight to play kerby at the top of the street)
But dp told ds it was ok to go and retrieve his football from the field behind our house.
This is a 5 min walk with 4 min out of sight no roads etc but i said no!

LadyMuck · 19/04/2009 21:28

Yes, if it is your local shop, and you've been there plenty of times before, and you feel that your child is prepared.

We've always talked through and walked through risk areas with the dcs. Eg with crossing the road I get them to choose the crossing place and explain why (eg good view of traffic both ways, not close to a junction), check for cars and decide when to cross etc. Ditto stranger danger, carrying cash, packing bags. I think if they understand the risks, and can think about what they need to do to minimise them then they're better equipped for freedom. And if there are no roads to cross, then the major risk is very low.

Setting an age for such things is soooo difficult, because 7 year olds vary wildly. But you are the best judge of your child and the risks in your area.

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