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Parenting

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Original poster

How much time do you spend just 'being' with your toddlers and taking their lead?

30 replies

BiscuitStuffer · 18/04/2009 21:48

And rather than taking them to the park or something, I mean getting down on the floor with them and letting them climb on you / ignore you / demand a story or whatever it is but being under their lead rather than doing jobs / relying on something external (like swings or slides) to entertain them?

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misshardbroom · 18/04/2009 21:50

virtually none. I am terrible at it. If they are contentedly playing I go for the 'healthy neglect' option and get on with something else. But then, I am a dreadful parent

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 18/04/2009 21:55

well I'm a dreadful parent too and I was just wondering if I was alone in this

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ShowOfHands · 18/04/2009 21:58

As much time as possible. I have to do housework obviously and do take her to the park/library/out for a walk/bike ride etc most days but otherwise try and engage with her as much as possible. DH takes over as soon as he gets in.

About 80% of the time I'm with her I suppose.

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mckenzie · 18/04/2009 22:00

I can just be with DD and enjoy it immensely (she's just 4) but I can't with DS (nearly 8) as he would be forever on the computer, Nintendo DS or Wii and that drives me mad!

Haribosmummy · 18/04/2009 22:04

DS and I spend about 2 hours a day just playing on the floor / him climbing on me / us reading a story or perhaps watching an episode of peppa pig - but DS is only 10 months old so everything is pretty interesting - sometimes, we just watch the washing machine go around!!

ANd, I'm 5 and bit months PG so always grateful for the break!!! DS also loves the dishwasher - and the hoover, so housework is a great game for us!!

HumphreyCobbler · 18/04/2009 22:05

Depends on how tired I am tbh.

Only got four hours sleep last night so not very much interactive play today.

I actually find it quite hard work as ds is not very verbal and just wants me to hang him upside down all the time.

I think if he did pretend play I might find it easier to engage, but I am left saying things like "Let's take the tractor the field and get some hay" which he ignores and I feel like an idiot.

PinkTulips · 18/04/2009 22:06

nope, another parent here who figures if they're not in need of interaction then it counts as mommy pc time.

and tbf i have a dd and ds1 who are 18 months apart and spend 95% of their time screaming at each other and fighting so there's hardly a minute of the day i'm not refereeing fights, why would i want to spend that 5% crawling around on the floor with them instead of having a much needed cuppa?

i also have a 2 month old ds2 so other than feeding and changing him and listening to mommy shout at the older 2 all day, it's nice for him to get some attention when i have a minute to spend messing with kids.

Horton · 18/04/2009 22:15

I spend quite a lot of time on the floor being bossed about but I actually find it quite restful. DD likes playing doctors and babies so I spend a lot of time having my temperature taken and being put to bed with a book and a toy.

llareggub · 18/04/2009 22:19

I try and balance it out a bit. When DS is with his grandparents he gets 1 to 1 interaction all day, and is definitely more demanding the next day with me as a result.
I strongly believe that he needs to spend time entertaining himself, while I mumnset or get on with stuff around the house.

A lot of the time I take the lead and get him cleaning with me, or reading a book together. If I let him take the lead then I'd be playing with cars all the time and there is a limit to the number of cars I can push around. So I do half an hour or so at a time, then get up to do something else. If he wants to paint, or bake a cake, then I can usually do that for a bit longer.

I try to schedule some time out of the house every day, usually in the morning, so with our time out, meal prep, nap etc, there usually isn't more than about 2 hours or so anyway.

Meglet · 18/04/2009 22:21

Not enough. Probably 30 mins a day. DS is 2.5 and likes blocks so he wants me to build houses and towers, he gets books for me to read too. DD is only 7 months so she's easily pleased and I usually leave her to wrestle her whoozit .

I would love to not have to do housework, admin or cooking all day and just play with them.

Acinonyx · 18/04/2009 22:28

Too much time! Dd (3.7) can't play alone for a nanosecond so I am constantly being told to be the witch/bad fairy/goblin, or read a story, or help with sticking.

I'm all for benign neglect - I just don't seem to have the knack. I wish!

rookiemater · 18/04/2009 22:32

I'm not great at it so using a tip from a book, every now and then we have undiluted Mummy time where I don't try to multi-task/answer the phone/do educational play, but simply spend time with DS and take my lead from him. TBH don't do it as much as I should but roughly 30 mins a day.

liath · 18/04/2009 22:34

Not enough time for dd who recently informed me that she wanted me to play with her all day. I said "What about all the cooking?" and she said "We can eat everything raw". Mercifully she has started torturingplaying with her little brother more since then.

used2bthin · 18/04/2009 22:37

I find it really hard. DD has got speech delay so I have spent more time feeling guilty about it! Other friends who are the same have dcs without speech issues though so when I am being rational I know it has nothing to do with it! I now do her speech therapy stuff which is mainly playing and taking her lead so am doing more now but it is not easy when really she just likes to be chased! I quite like the imaginative play stage its the puching trains around or rolling a ball backwards and forwards I find hard to remain enthusiastic about and thats mostly what she wants to do!

outnumbered2to1 · 18/04/2009 22:38

i would love to join in with my DS2 when he plays with his cars but he always shakes his head when i try to get down on the floor with him. He does like to sit up in his highchair and play with crayons while i do the breakfast dishes or sweep the floor. Oh does him sitting on the top of the hoover while i vacuum the carpet count? Cos he loves doing that

Lazycow · 18/04/2009 22:42

about 2-3 hrs at least in total but ds is an only child and we have moveed recently so know very few people here so a lot of the time it is just me and him for the day except for he 2.5 hrs of preschool each day which save my sanity). it would be more if I didn't switch the Tv on at 4pm for a couple of hours. tbh I find it very hard work and am struggling with the incessant demands on my time at the moment

rookiemater · 18/04/2009 22:44

Tittering at Liaths DD.

Does anyone find that the more time they spend with their DCs, the more they seem to want ? We are currently on holiday and after a day where DS was either beside, sitting on the knee of or being entertained by Mummy or Daddy, he was energetically upset because I insisted on selfishly going to the kitchen to empty the dishwasher and washing machine and tried to drag me back to the living room to play.

feetheart · 18/04/2009 22:45

Imaginative play sounds great but just wait until you have been asked to be the vet/the RSPCA/the rescuer/the owner of some sick, injured or neglected toy animal most days for the past 2 years - it wears VERY thin believe me

Sheeta · 18/04/2009 22:48

about 2-3 hours a day... more if we're having a lazy day. I swap toys round A LOT so DS always has something 'new' to play with, and a lot of the time I just sit on the floor with him, and wait for him to interact with me.

Lazycow · 18/04/2009 23:02

rookiemater - most definitely yes ds does expect more, the more you give.

they do expect more.

.
oh if only !!

Ds's current play consists of the following

variations on the chasing/monsters/dinosaurs/hiding theme (these can go on a very long time)

Play wrestling/being carried (me as the horse/carrier) etc

Story telling (with me having to tell the story but being repeatedly stopped and having my storyline changed.corrected)

Hide and seek

Throwing balls/objects in the garden and both of us chasing after them

Imaginative play with characters (they always end up fighting- yawn !!)

DS shooting me - I have managed to subvert this by naking the gun a love gun which instead of hurting me makes me love him so much i have to chase him to kiss him and hug him - This is a current favourite and can also go on a very long time

On the rare occasion he does buidling blocks or cars/trains (very rarely) I am overjoyed as i can lie down and just join in but at least it is restful

I also very occasionally can convince him to do sticking/making for about 15 mins just so I can get a rest.

liath · 18/04/2009 23:08

Actually I got so fed up of dd continually demanding attention/interaction that I developed an alter-ego called Georgina Gruffalo who would come and eat look after the kids when it all got a bit too tedious. It seems to have backfired slightly as dd demands that Georgina comes to play umpteen times a day and I have to go through the whole rigmarole of having to pretend to go and get her, growl at the door etc etc. Have now told dd that Georgina's had a little baby gruffalo and can only come at bath-time when Gary the gruffalo is minding the baby.

Dear God what have I got myself into?????

outnumbered2to1 · 18/04/2009 23:24

liath - can i borrow your gary the gruffalo to come and mind my DC while i'm in the bath

MrsTittleMouse · 18/04/2009 23:28

We've hit the "come and play Thomas the Tank Engine with me Mummy" then "No Mummy NO! I want to do it!" stage. I haven't quite worked out how I can simultaneously join in and let her do everything. But sitting next to her drinking a cup of tea and commenting occasionally at her excellent work doesn't do it either.

Any suggestions that work when you also have a grumpy demanding baby and are knackered from night-time breastfeeding gratefully received.

ThingOne · 18/04/2009 23:37

How much time do I spend? Depends whether he's been super cute or "nearly three". And whether I can cope with making and selling any more bus tickets.

PinkTulips · 18/04/2009 23:59

mrstittlemouse.... cbeebies and nick jr

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