angry, i need help

[pinkum]

everyone keeps telling me im a good mum but im just not, i keep getting angry. i have ds1 of 2 years 4mnth and ds2 of 8mnths. i just get so wound up and cant calm down. im so ashamed to say today when i was struggling with them both i got hold of ds1 by the hair, i let go imediately but he cryed, and i didnt want him to think id lost it so i said that ds2 did it and rubbed him better. im just a horrible mothr. i try so hard, but need a way to calm down. i just find myself past it so quickly. my dh got hit as a kid and finds even sharp words unacceptable. any advice or herbal sedatives, im breast feeding still. please dont be horrible though i dont need to be told im crap i'll just leave them to the better parent.

You are NOT a bad mum... just a mum of a toddler and a small baby

Are you getting enough rest and support? Everything can get a bit much when you have small children and everything is such a struggle.

Talk to your HV, you may have mild PND, I felt like I was such a bad mum that my children deserved better and would be better of without me.

Things will get easier.

You poor thing...you sound as though you're going through a particularly tough time with them both at the mo. I have a 10 month old and he drives me bonkers a lot of the time and I wonder how mums with 2 boys cope.

Do you get any 'me' time at all? I discovered yoga when I was pregnant and since having DS it has helped a lot. I used to find I really looked forward to the 2 hours of peace and found the breathing techniques really helped me at home as well. Maybe you could try and get out for something like that once a week. If you've not done yoga before it may seem a bit silly at first but when you do let your body go it feels very relaxing and uplifting.

Good luck and hang in there...the fact that you recognise you've done something not right is half the battle.

my hv is useless, ihad pnd with my first with no help. this time i said what i was like at the 2 year check and she gave me a leaflet all about managing thier anger. im not a natural im horrible.

hi pemberly. i do get a "me time wee" in the morning. douse that count?

You have your hands full, you're tired and it is all so bloody relentless at times. We've all been there, and we're not all bad mothers.

You need to pick your battles - some things just aren't worth getting het up about. If one of them has to cry for a couple minutes while you sort the other one out, that won't harm them. If the house is a bit of a tip, it really doesn't matter.

Do whatever it takes to get a bit of time to yourself at least once a week - go shopping, go swimming, whatever appeals. It sounds like a lot of faff to organise, but it has really kept me sane in the past.

And one of the best bits of MN advice ever (and I wish I knew who gave it) was to imagine there's a TV crew in the room filming you. It sounds silly, but it just makes you catch yourself, count to 10 and calm down a bit.

Firstly your not a horrible mother we all have bad days. Having to small children is the hardest job in the world. Do speak to somebody, do you find it worse when you have pmt or haven't slept if so there might be things you can do to help. Talk to your dh don't keep it secret from him no matter how cross you think he'll be, he needs to know you need some help or time off.

I often used to have to put my dd somewhere safe like her cot and then walk away and take some deep breaths.

Its possible you have pnd and you very brave to admit what happened its a good start, it means you have insight into whats wrong and you know you need help.

Do you get any breaks, for example, eldest go to nursery at all?

Mine are two years apart and I found the first three years after DD2 was born, a right royal struggle - my temper being the biggest stumbling block.

There was a really good (but very long) thread on here which explained how to control temper - imagine a film crew is watching you all the time - I'll see if I can find it and link.

here

Hello pinkum - I think you sound like your suffering from PND.

You're stressed and irritable I think you need to see your GP asap. Do you have much support at home - your partner - your parents or siblings or even a close friend? Your HV will also be able to help you with support networks and parenting classes help.

Dont keep it inside how you are feeling - you need some help and support.

If you were a bad Mum you wouldn't be posting on here beating yourself up about it .

You lost it you know it was wrong and you stopped yoursef which is brilliant when my dd was born and I had a 2 year old ds I can remember screaming in her face to just shut up and ended up laying her in the middle of the living room and walking out leaving ds and dp to stand in at me .

You need to talk to the hv as other posters have said you may have mild pnd .
Do you have a circle of family or friends who could pop round and help out or take the lo'soff your hands for an hour ?I find getting out helps even if it is just for a walk round the block it tires the dc out and lets you have a bit of peace later in the day.

Also if you have a childrens centre nearby they have lots of groups you could also contact surestart about toddler groups or a nursery place .

Hundreds of women feel like you do you are not alone keep posting on here for online support.

Me time is so important a couple of weeks ago i was really stressed, angry with the dc's and tearful. I started going to the gym 3 times a week. I hate the gym but 1) I get time on my own and 2) I feel alot calmer. I know it isn't always we don't have babysitters but i make myself go either late in the evening or first thing. I sleep better too.

If you don't get on with the HV chat to a GP you trust .

thankyou all. my family live 2 hours away but are great when their here. i cant afford nursery till ds1 is 3. i just started jogging but it leaves me knackered so im even more tired.

thankyou again all. anymore advice would be great. but for now i have to sign off as my ds2 gets me up at 5 am and i have to go jogging then the mother inlaws coming. i only get an hour to myself in the evening.

Instead of a jog, try a brisk walk?

I found more intense cardio really tiring when breast feeding, and I am normally quite a good runner.

Breathe deeply and relax, enjoy the time you have to yourself.

Things will get easier, no one thinks you are a bad mother for admiting you get stressed at times

How are you this morning?