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Have I created a monster?

15 replies

SouthernLights · 17/04/2009 16:32

Just kidding, I don't really think my beautiful little girl is a monster! But I am wondering if her (over)independent streak is my doing.

She has never been a particularly "snuggly" baby; even in the hospital she would push me away after she'd fed enough, and if she slept in my arms it was on her back, stretched out, rather than cuddled up to my chest. At home I tended to put her down when she was asleep so that I could get stuff done. Although when she was awake she used to want to be held a lot, it seemed to be more so that she could see what was going on. She went into her own room for night sleeping at 4 weeks and never had any problems with it. Our room is right beside hers so there was never any delay in responding to her. Naps have been in crib or cot in her own room since she was about 3 months old, and she has always been a big sleeper (goes down very well).

My concern is that now she is 7 months old, she hardly likes to be held at all. She is mixed feeding (30% BLW, 50% FF and 20% BF) and likes to feed herself - either finger foods or holding her own bottle. She will not sleep on anyone, in fact she cries bitterly if you try to cuddle her when she is tired. She also hates restraints, e.g. in pushchair or highchair - she is very active and now crawling, so constantly moving around, trying to pull herself up on furniture etc. She seems very alert and happy most of the time - I just seem to have missed out on that stage where babies want to snuggle, and I can't help thinking it's because I did something wrong in her early days. Her father and I are both very independent people and I wonder if subconsciously I've encouraged her to be the same, too soon.

Am I being ridiculously naive; should I just accept that this is part of her character?

OP posts:
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mumof2andabit · 17/04/2009 16:36

It could be just part of her character but I reckon when she starts toddling round and becoming a proper little person you will see a change. My kids have always been very cuddly but I have friends children who were like you describe very independent not wanting cuddles for no reason etc now they are toddlers its a different story.

Because they craved independence, as a baby you dont really have a lot of independence but once they were old enough to really do stuff by themselves (even just walking etc) they became really cudly and a lot happier. Just didnt enjoy being babies as odd as it sounds.

merlinthehappypig · 17/04/2009 16:40

She sounds exactly the same as my dd. My dd wouldn't settle if I held her she always prefered to be laid down and she would settle herself. She has always been very independent in everything. She never wanted to be cuddled. She has always been very affectionate though, just not 'cuddly'. She is 4 now and I still call her my 'spikey' girl. She's much more 'cuddly' now though.

My ds is the complete opposite. He'd be quite happy to be cuddled all day, (he's 2 1/2).

They are just all different.

wolfnipplechips · 17/04/2009 18:25

My ds doesn't like to be cuddled he's 22 months now and would rather jump on my back, i can sometimes sneak a cuddle if he's just woken up but as soon as he realises whats going on he's off.

Hows her speech or rather babbling? and does she interact with you?

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Pitchounette · 17/04/2009 19:18

Message withdrawn

SouthernLights · 18/04/2009 05:25

Thanks for the input everyone.

Wolf, she chatters quite a lot, giggles like mad and makes some rather interesting half-cough/half-shout noises when she wants something! She is very interactive, making eye contact, grabbing at faces and hair, spontaneously smiling and laughing to most people, not just me.

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DuffyFluckling · 18/04/2009 06:22

When pg with dd I was planning to have her in a sling most of the day, and to co-sleep. Neither of those things really worked for her, and she always slept better lying flat in her cot by herself. She's now nearly 3. She's never been massively cuddly (clingy) but does like a cuddle when she decides she wants one. She is very emotionally close child though, and is affectionate, chatty and sweet. I mean I don't think her not being as physically dependant on me as a baby has had any effect on her now.

Also, BFing is physical closeness so it's not as though she's been lacking in closeness and physical affection from you.

The dislike of harnesses, and wanting to feed herself sound completely normal and to be expected from a child of that age.

sunandmoon · 18/04/2009 07:29

Our DD was a very similar character and don't worry about her and mostly do not call her a monster!!! DD started nursery at 6 months old and the staff and us used to call DD the 2 second cuddle!!! I breastfed her until she was 6 months old, she used to drink and when finished she would then push me or climb to my shoulder to escape... She also only had eyes for her daddy, but he didn't get many cuddles though! Anyway, from the age of 1, she started to be a little bit more cuddly in the evening and it was lovely. She also hated kisses from anybody else but we never pushed her to kiss or cuddle if she didn't want to.

Anyway, at 3 years old, she started to come to us for long cuddles and lots of kisses.
And now at 3 1/2, she greets all our friends and family with beautiful cuddles and kisses, she says she loves us very much and we don't even have to ask for cuddles... Everybody says that she is a very caring little girl!

So here we are, enjoy every minutes of your DD, like ours she seems to be a very independent little girl... encourage her to be independent and she will definetely turn out to be a cuddly, caring toddler!

mrswill · 18/04/2009 09:18

Your post could have been about my dd. Im also worried my dd early independence was caused by not holding her a lot when she was young. I had a long labour, caeserean etc, so couldnt pick her up for three weeks and cuddle her, just feed and then down, although she did have a lot of affection off everyone else. She never would cuddle to sleep, and likes to be on me just to see more of whats going on, easier access to things. Now at 8 months, shes very busy and has no time for cuddles, refuses to breastfeed as she cant see whats going on, feeds herself, and is much happier out and about, shes also been in her own room since 4 weeks an is a very good sleeper and settles herself. I would love to have a snuggly baby that would be happy to cuddle into me, but im equally happy with the bright spark i seem to have ended up with. Im not sure if its part of their characters or early days influence, but i suppose its working with what you got.

moomer · 18/04/2009 14:40

ours is no cuddler either, but on the flip side has also been a great sleeper and always settled well on his own. Lots of parents we know have had a few sleep problems with theirs as they're accustomed to being cuddled to sleep etc, so we're quite grateful for his early independence from that point of view!

Lazycow · 18/04/2009 16:59

DS was like this but now at 4.5 he is incredibly cuddly and pretty much loves all kisses and cuddles ((especially from me or dh). He has also waved me off in pre-school with a 'I love you mummy" - without me saying it first
In fact I said to DH just this morning "who would have though that our baby who was so uncuddly would end up being such a snuggly/cuddly toddler/pre-schooler?"

Your dd may yet change.

SouthernLights · 19/04/2009 04:45

sunandmoon - she's only my little monster in jest; believe me, I love her to pieces! I think I was just feeling a bit guilty about not doing the whole co-sleeping, slinging thing (we do have a sling which she used when she was tiny but was very eager to be out, and a carry harness which we can just about get away with now).

Thanks everyone for the observations; and I will stop whinging and just enjoy my independent little "bright spark"!

OP posts:
muppety · 19/04/2009 19:13

Sounds just like my ds1. Now at 5 he is so cuddly and loving and is always in our bed! he was however the least cuddle baby ever and hated to be held.

MollieO · 19/04/2009 19:18

Ds was like that until he was 4. I used to get odd looks at playgroups when he was a baby as he'd either be lying on the floor or in his car seat whilst most of the other mums were holding theirs. I assumed he'd never be cuddly but I'm pleased he has.

IheartNY · 19/04/2009 19:22

DS1 was exactly like that. He's very snuggly now at 3.5. I think it was about 2 or 2.5 that he started getting more cuddly and affectionate.
Ds2 is total opposite and his arms can rarely be prised away from round my neck!

BiscuitStuffer · 19/04/2009 20:53

Mine was exactly the same and then suddenly she turned in to a cuddle monster at about 18 months and has been the same since. She 2.4.

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