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Parenting

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Original poster

parents who DONT use the dummy - i have a question for you....

52 replies

tostaky · 17/04/2009 07:39

what do you do when your lo cries and whinges then?
for example, my 6 mo son sometimes whinges for 5 mins in the buggy bc he wants to be in my arms and then after 5 mins with no success he starts to cry. He is not interested in toys.
Do you
a. give in and take him in your arms
b. persevere and let him cry it out
c. explain to him, you cant possibly hold him all the time, and the puschair is quite nice
d. other - please explain.

I find in those situations, the dummy is really good. but i want to stop using it so he can hopefully learn to settle himself at night. i jusy dont know what to do when he cries and i used to give him.
thanks

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WowOoo · 17/04/2009 09:02

Mostly a. Occasionally b.

Found that a bottle with water did the trick if he just wanted something to suck on and I couldn't feed for whatever reason.

Carried and cuddled him a lot too.

mistlethrush · 17/04/2009 09:05

Ds was only in the buggy when we went out for a walk - if he was tired he went to sleep (as long as I kept pushing!) - if not he wanted to watch the dog playing with her frisbee by this age and that was a great distraction. But he wouldn't have a nap at home on his own until he was about 10mo - he wanted to be with me/on me (and I wasn't allowed to do things as that stopped him sleeping!). Make the most of being so close - it doesn't last forever! You'll soon be running round behind him, wondering where he gets all his energy from...

cory · 17/04/2009 09:17

e. dd sucked her fingers instead

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jazzandh · 17/04/2009 09:28

DS rarely fussed in buggy, but he was rear facing - so could see me all the time. Think that helps enormously (obviously not all buggys can switch around) but if yours does and is front facing - try it.

mistlethrush · 17/04/2009 09:32

Ours was front facing - so I talked and sang to ds as we went round. (TBH I'm really pleased about having a front facing buggy - when you read all the reports that say you will have a child that speaks less etc etc. If he'd been in a rear facing one we would never get a word in edgeways now. However, as he was front facing, we do, occasionally, get the chance to interrupt if we're quick )

mumof2andabit · 17/04/2009 09:33

Neither of my 2 had dummys and hopefully no3 wont either. But yes they did get whingy in thier pram for no reason sometimes, well I say no reason it was actually becuase they were tired so I found the best thing was to keep moving and after a little bit they went to sleep. I would occasionaly take ds out for a cuddle but with dd as they are 2yrs apart it wasnt that easy. I think without a dummy they just have to get on with it sometimes and sort it out themselves. However I have always fed on demand so if its because they are hungry then they get fed then and there.

adoannie · 17/04/2009 09:35

Cuddled them usually - if just general I want to be near you whinging. Though the buggy was always a way to stop them whinging for my lot.

ShowOfHands · 17/04/2009 09:38

I chose not to use a dummy.

Rarely used a pushchair really, used a sling most of the time.

I was lucky to have a happy baby but I never left her to cry or even grizzle. If she wanted to be carried, I carried her. I perfected going for a wee while bfing. If she wanted milk, I fed her.

Actually, my first port of call was often to offer milk which worked well luckily for all concerned.

ruddynorah · 17/04/2009 09:45

if tired i kept walking but more briskly. if it got beyond that then i'd stop and breastfeed. dd quickly got to grips with thumsucking though so could self sooth if she wanted to. next baby will have a sling though.

OonaghBhuna · 17/04/2009 09:55

I agree with most posters, we have never used dummies for either DD. We cuddled, I BF, walked in the pram etc I used a sling which was fab.
They were never left to cry, we always comforted them or carried them. We never used a dummy so it never crossed our minds to even try.We just took their behaviour and went with the flow, hard at times but isnt it more natural.
I see quire alot of mothers holding the dummy in the babies mouth, if the baby keeps spitting it out. Actually watching somebody do that makes me feel a bit queezy, sorry but it does.

Niecie · 17/04/2009 09:58

DS1 was particularly high maintenance so if we were out I would do a mixture of picking him up and then feeding him or b if I had something I had to do and couldn't take the time to pick him up - I would be talking to him all the time then which helped.

Actually, it wasn't that much of an issue because the pushchair was where he slept best anyway so if he was fussing and no other cause could be found, if I pushed long enough he usually went to sleep and stayed that way until we stopped pushing. If he didn't then feeding usually did the trick.

Slight at c and the possibility that you could reason with them. DS1 is 8 now and I still can't reason with him half the time.

Niecie · 17/04/2009 10:00

And of course by 6 mths the world of food is beginning opening up. A bread stick or a pot of raisins can really save the say after that age. (DS1 weaned at 4mths as per guidelines at that age I should add).

Niecie · 17/04/2009 10:01

Save the 'day' not say.

mrsjammi · 17/04/2009 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Acinonyx · 17/04/2009 10:30

Dd was a velcro baby (and still the same now really at 3.7...). Never had a dummy but bf on demand until 6 mo. She was generally hapy in the buggy as long as it was moving - if she cried I would pick her out if I could. The only time I really couldn't pick her up is if we were driving and then she really did just have to put up with it.

I'm not sure about the term 'fussy' either - is that supposed to imply that there is no need of any kind and they are just being difficult? Some kids seem to need a lot more physical reassurance than others.

There really only three options - give the dummy, let dc cry, pick dc up. You seem to want a fourth option but I'm not sure there is one.

Acinonyx · 17/04/2009 10:32

Meant bf on demand until 9 mo [hmmm]

Do remember many times pushing the buggy with one hand and holding dd under the other arm.

tegan · 17/04/2009 10:39

my ds is 4 months and never had a dummy, if he cries i pick him up, i don't think any child really needs a dummy, they never had one for the first 9 months so why start a bad habit.

btw i also have an 11yr old and 5 yr old so i kind of know what i am on about.

anchovies · 17/04/2009 10:48

There is a reason why a baby is crying, that is why I got rid of the dummy with my first at around 12 weeks (and didn't use one again) Found myself keep putting the dummy in when really he wanted something. Was usually crying cos he was tired to be honest. Felt very guilty for (what I saw as) lazy parenting after we gave up the dummy and I started paying more attention to his needs. Have never let any of my 3 cry, my third hates the pushchair which has just meant I have had to use a sling.

tegan · 17/04/2009 10:59

I tottally agree anchovies, a baby has needs and a dummy is not a need whereas feeding changing and tireness are

vesela · 17/04/2009 12:16

I think I just fed her. I didn't use a dummy because it felt alien (no one in the family used them) but I did feel under quite a bit of pressure from other people to use one, so I thought if I'm not using a dummy, I have to be prepared to whip out the boob quite often.

Sometimes it was just fussiness ahead of falling asleep, though, since she was used to being BFed to sleep at home but it wasn't always practicable to stop when out.

Original poster

tostaky · 17/04/2009 15:36

he only uses the dummy for falling asleep (save my boobs).
Yes i was indeed looking for a 4th solution... but reading all the reply i think he isnt particularly fussy, other babies want to be carried instead of being ion the puschair as well...
so i need to get my head around "giving in" or rather "meeting his emotional needs" without worrying about making him a spoiled brat....

OP posts:

mankyscotslass · 17/04/2009 15:52

That's it exactly, he is only teeny, he can't be spoiled!

I can still see my mum's catbum face when I kept picking mine up.

They have turned out all right. (So far!)

Jenbot · 17/04/2009 19:10

Mine wouldn't have a dummy. If she moans in the buggy she's usually overtired and fighting sleep, so I talk soothingly to her (unless that seems to be keeping her up), and just keep walking. I'd stop if she properly wailed.

Greatfun · 17/04/2009 21:37

DD was a winger from day 1 so had and loved her dummy. DS is very laid back and never needed one. Always settled with a cuddle pretty quickly. Had he been like DD I would have tried a dummy as I found them very useful for her.

FrannyandZooey · 17/04/2009 21:41

oh yes do 'meet his emotional needs'
it is really good for him and for your relationship
being a responsive parent is GOOD
try to do it as much as you can

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