I have a few questions following my post natal group and chat with my health visitor about co sleeping......feeling abit confused!!

[McDreamy]

My HV thinks I'm a fool to co sleep - it will lead to sleep problems later, she will be in my bed until she is 3 or 4 and I need to get her to fall asleep independently. (DD is currently 9 weeks). I just don't know what to do. Do I continue to co sleep? I don't really want her to sleep with me for years I was thinking in terms of a weeks/months.

So I asked her how to approach independent sleeping and she told me to allow her to cry and better to try this now rather than when she is older as it will be harder. I have tried this this evening but have given up and she is currently fast asleep in my arms. If I put her down now she will wake up and scream, I have been using a sling until now.

Just say I was to use this crying approach, apart from it being unbearable listening to your baby crying does it affect them long term?

I bet I sound like a right wimp but I don't want to be bullied into something I don't want to do

I co slept with DD to start with as it was easier and she settled.

At about 20 weeks she stopped setteling so easily in our bed so I tried her in her cot. Now at 28 weeks she goes in her cot after a feed with a dummy awake and settles herself. She no longer wants to sleep with us.

DS was almost exactly the same.

The HV is talking rubbish. CC is highly inappropriate for a 9 week old. I co-slept with my babies and they happily went into their own cots/beds as they got older. Ignore the HV is my advice.

imo shes too young for any of that - revisit it all at 6 months - she may well have settled into something else by then anyway. You could always start with naps in her cot first anyway. Just do what works for you and ignore what other people say.

If you want to co-sleep do it! Some people find they have problems settling their child later on, however so di people who have their children in a cot from the word go! Other people have no problems at all when moving to a "big bed".

Leaving your baby to cyr is distressing, as you know. It is also something done best with a proper plan of action and some good knowledge on the process. I believe controlled crying is recommended after 6 months not before.

If you relly want your baby to settle themselves would swaddling help? some babies respond really well to it.

Above all though I think sleep should be approached in the way that makes the mother (and partner) most happy. If you are not happy about something change it, if you are leave it is my honest opinion!

Some HVs have very strange and very strong opinions, please remember that most of the time thses are just opinons the same as you get from MIL, neighbour, random person in the street. Yes they have more experience but that alone does not make them right. Some HVs are brilliant. Some are not

i'd continue co-sleeping if you want to and tell the HV to go swivel.

i have ds in bed with us and he's 14m, we tried putting him in his cot because he was hogging the bed, it took one night of crying and sulking but then he settled no probs. only problem is is that he learned to climb out of his cot a week later so back into our bed he came.

also i have never let ds just cry(apart from once when nothing we did soothed him and everything we did made it worse) and he settles fine, i think its called attachment parenting.

follow your instincts, they are much better than any HV.

I resisted co sleeping with ds until he was 18mnths. We tried everything but he was just unable to settle himself to sleep, always had to be rocked. By 18mnths, this was getting difficult lol. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 3.5yrs. I don't think it would have made any difference what approach we used, this was him.
I co slept with dd from day 1. She is now 4 and usually sleeps through the night, but still comes into our bed some nights.

Do what works for you. The main thing is that you all get some sleep.

9 weeks is so little - well done to you for following your instincts and co-sleeping if it suits you.

HV talking rubbish; if you want to back up your view (and mine, and lots of people!) look at the Dr Sears books. I found them immensely reassuring and very sensible.

HV is a cow. Ordering a mother to cause distress to a 9 week old baby? Shameful. Would be different if you had approach her wanting to try CC - but even then, she should have explained it is NOT advised for small babies. Your dd is so little, all your instincts are quite rightly telling you to protect her. Sod the ignorant HV.

That's awful, and IMHO it could affect the way your baby tries to communicate with you. Even the most anti co-sleeping books don't advocate CC until at least 6 months. But I love co-sleeping so am biased!

Thank you, DD still fast asleep on my lap and I'm loving it , couldn't bear to have her crying still!

Agree with everyone else than 9 weeks is (IMHO)bonkers to try CC - advice from even Dr Feber (who 'invented' the standard CC system) is a year now.
I would keep trying to put her down awake - just keep trying, and when she gets it, she'll get it. Try helping her learn to go to sleep in different places at different times, so that she doesn't get totally used to always going to sleep in one way (eg buggy, car seat, next to you on bed as well as sling.

You might want to try Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep SOln - a fab, and very realistic book for people who don't want to CC.

We started co-sleeping with dd at about 2/3 months. Now I have to admit that at (just) 3 she still comes into our bed reasonably regularly.
But 1. it has been WAY less hassle than her brother who was also a bad sleeper, but who didn't co-sleep. So I spent about the first 2 years of his life patting him through the bars of his cot
And 2. I LOVE having her coming onto bed, snuffle around and throw her arms round me and go to sleep mubbling 'mummy, snuggle me'. She won't be doing it when she's 18, what's the problem?

HV is talking rubbish (IMHO)

I do a mixture of co-sleeping and own cot (next to bed) with my 17 week old ds.

He goes to sleep in his own cot, until 1st feed in the night and either goes back after that feed or comes into bed with me and dh if he can't settle. I have always put him in his moses basket/cot to start the night, but I do tend to put my dcs to bed early

I have done this with both dds as well, and they are both happy to sleep in their own beds! DD1 in her own cot & room at 6 weeks, DD2 in her own cot & room at about 6-7 months.

HTH

Message withdrawn

Incidently I don't have a 17 week old a 6 week old and a 7 month old... They are (nearly) 9yrs , 2yrs and ds 17 weeks

But it is lovely and peaceful in our house after 7.30pm, at least it is until ds is hungry

Sounds like another HV talking complete twaddle. Go with what feels right for you and your baby.

Sometimes 6mo DS sleeps with us, sometimes he sleeps in his cot and settles happily wherever he's put.

I didn't co-sleep, but I did feed dd to sleep until she packed it in at about 6-7 months, and then we did gradual retreat/NCSS type thing, which was gentle and happy for all of us. My HV tried to get me to do controlled crying at 6 weeks - I felt confused and pressured into it - fortunately my mum turned up and just cuddled dd and pointed out that Of Course she would fall asleep when feeding and it was Just fine.

dd is 2.5 and sleeps like an angel.

Your HV is talking rubbish. I co-slept with DS until he was 9mo and then he went into his cot and has happily stayed there ever since.

Sounds like you are doing just fine, keep on with whatever works for you and don't feel you have to inform the HV about your sleeping habits -- it's none of her business!

Ignore your HV and do what you feel is right. I had no problems moving from co-sleeping to own bed and in fact my two youngest had had enough of me around 7 months and demanded to sleep in own beds. Oh, how I missed them

Co-sleeping is lovely if you enjoy it.

I co-slept with DS until 12 weeks and then used baby whisperer method to get him used to sleeping in his own cot and it worked a treat.

I also read No Cry Sleep Solution and that has some really useful and gentle ways of getting a co-sleeping baby into their own bed.

It takes a little patience but it is possible and you don't have to leave them crying.

9 weeks is still so little and if you are finding that co-sleeping is working for you then continue to do so. I only stopped because we got to the stage where he was waking me every hour to latch back on to the boob and I was exhausted! But I wouldn't have got through that 1st 3 months without it (and still miss it a bit )

My DD was a real screamer for months. The bloody HV didn't help anyone by suggesting CC at 6 wks (yup, 6 wks!!! ). I have never been so stressed in my life. - gave up after one night - tried again at 6 mths, couldn't deal with it, gave up again half way through one night.

Eventually we just spent the time with her, rocking her to sleep or whatever it took.

My DS (8 wks) does a combination of CC and crib - usually comes into bed when it's about 4am and I am completely knackered. We let him grizzle a bit, but no more than 90 seconds (and he usually settles after a minute) - its more a case of working out if he's doing the 'I'm pissed off I can't sleep could do with a hand here mum' type crying, or the 'just having a bit of yell at the world before i drop off' type and going to him when he needs it.

Bloody HV's are (mostly) a nightmare from what I can tell. Ignore the bag!

One thought - you say that your LO wakes when you put her down - I decided that it was the change in temperature that made my dses wake when I put them back in the moses basket - from my warm arms onto a cold mattress - so I used to wrap them in a shawl when feeding them, so that the shawl got nice and warm, and insulated them from the cold cot mattress. It did seem to work.

But the bottom line is that if you are happy with co-sleeping, then that's what's right for you and you should utterly ignore your HV. She does sound like a bit of a nutter, advocating controlled crying with a 9 week old!!