Dd1 is being left out

[chillimonster]

I'm in turmoil. Dd1 is being left out by her friends. She's been a group of 3 since infants, but since the beginning of Y6, they've stopped playing with her and doing that looking/giggling/whispering that makes you feel uncomfortable. I only found out during the hols after trying to get her to call them round to play (she didn't tell me because she thought I'd be angry ). Although she has found other girls to play with, she's clearly unhappy and hurt.
Anything positive suggestions I can try out in her last two months of primary school to make things better and make sure this problem doesn't follow her up to high school?

Oh poor you. There is nothing more destroying than other people being unkind to our children.

I think you need to be very positive about the fact that she has made other friends. Emphasise that everyone will be making new friends soon when you all move up to big school, so she's already one step ahead. If she's finding it difficult, help her keep track of the fact that it really is only a short time until it's all over. Let her talk about how her friends' behaviour has made her feel, and what she thinks about it - she may come to the conclusion that having had friends be unkind to her she will never behave that way herself.

Also, the fact that she didn't tell you because she thought you wd be angry - maybe make absolutely sure that she knows it's not her fault.

I would also avoid demonising her old friends.

Poor dd. Could she have outgrown them?

Presumably you know the parents of the other two girls? Could you speak to their mums? Along the lines of "Has dd1 done anything to upset x and y? Only they are leaving her out of games, etc.,etc." That should at least flag up that there is a problem and maybe the mums will turn things around.

I wouldn't approach the other parents. It is not their responsibility and their daughters are entitled to choose other friends. The chances of a mother carrying out such an "intervention" and it not making things worse are slim to nil.

agree with DuckyFluffling.

As well as all these suggestions, I'd talk to her teacher, so s/he can keep an eye out. It's one thing for friends to move apart and make new friends, quite another to exclude your dd and whisper and giggle.

As harsh as it sounds, these things happen and I don't think that you getting involved iwth the parents or children is going to help.

The best thing you can do is to be there for your DD and encouarge friendships with other children.

The same thing happened to me when I was your DD's age. I ended up befriending another girl in my class who I still consider my best friend nearly 20 years later!

Thank you for your responses. It's been good to get other peoples perspectives. These things go round your head (especially at stupid o'clock in the morning)and take on the size of a cow sometimes.
Branflakes, you made a really good point - these friendship dramas are massive at the time but in the whole scheme of your life, they aren't always the most enduring ones.

Exactly the same thing happened to me just before I went up to secondary school. At that stage I think the "battle lines" of relationships are being redrawn, although it is horrifically painful at the time. Sometimes kids are just like this, with the whispering and giggling, especially (though the feminist in me is screaming "NONONO!") girls.

I'm with DuffyFluckling, encourage her to talk about it, make sure she knows you would never be angry at her for something like this, and support her in any new-friend-making efforts when she goes up to the high school.

A similar thing happened to me at school, although I barely remember it now. Girls' friendships can change around a lot at that age, they may just stop being mean at some point and start excluding someone else. Three is such an awkward number at the best of times.

It's really good that she has other friends though, I would just encourage her to spend time with nicer people. I understand how it must make you but there's really not much you can do apart from be there for her.