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Parenting

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Original poster

Is this too harsh?

24 replies

Springfleurs · 15/04/2009 16:07

Just asked ds (6) to get off the computer. I asked him 4 times while he told me to hold on. On the 5th time I told him if he didn't get off then we would not be going to Pizza Hut for tea as planned. He still did not get off. Two minutes later he told me he was ready now. I said no and we are not going to Pizza Hut because he wouldn't get off when I asked him many times.

He is crying now and I feel horrible.

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Bicnod · 15/04/2009 16:09

poor you i think you did the right thing - you have to follow through x x

Mistymoo · 15/04/2009 16:12

Good for you for following through on your decision. It's hard but needs to be done.

Also be glad you are not going to Pizza Hut. The last time we went it was a terrible experience!

LilRedWG · 15/04/2009 16:14

You have to carry this through. Did you give him warning, ie, "I want you off the computer in two minutes" or did you just say, "Right, off the computer now?"

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jalopy · 15/04/2009 16:16

Agree. Keep to your word.

nickytwotimes · 15/04/2009 16:17

I agree tha tyou have to follow through with your threats, otherwise it is really not fair.
He will get over it.
I feel your pain though.

Original poster

Springfleurs · 15/04/2009 16:17

I had been telling him at intervals throughout the afternoon that he needed to put his shoes and socks on so we could go out and he didn't. I told him we would be going out when I had tidied the bathroom, so he did have loads of warning.

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everGreensleeves · 15/04/2009 16:17

I wouldn't have asked him 5 times and then dropped an unrelated punishment on him - I would maybe restrict computer time for a while as he has demonstrated that he can't be sensible about it

but in future years he may thank you for NOT taking him to Pizza Hut [boak]

LilRedWG · 15/04/2009 16:18

In that case you are not being too harsh at all. He had warnings - he didn't heed them.

MerlinsBeard · 15/04/2009 16:18

DO make sure you follow thru.

Original poster

Springfleurs · 15/04/2009 16:18

I didn't see it as being unrelated because he had to get off so we could go. If he wouldn't get off and get ready then we couldn't go so I did see it as related to the situation.

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everGreensleeves · 15/04/2009 16:20

Oh, I see - not unrelated then

sorry if I sounded critical, just sharing what I would do (I have a computer-obsessed 6yo who drives me round the bend)

ben5 · 15/04/2009 16:20

do you have an egg timer? tell him next time that when the sand has gone through it's time to get off the computer. stick to your guns and don't go to pizza hut

Original poster

Springfleurs · 15/04/2009 16:21

Oh Lord. He has just come to me with a bright red tearful face and put his hand on my arm and said "I am so sorry Mummy, I was very rude wasn't I, I am sorry I ruined our time", giving little sobs the whole time.

What do I do? Do I show him that apologising is worth something or just keep being a hard arse. Why is this parenting malarky so bloomin hard?

OP posts:

sazzerbear · 15/04/2009 16:22

YANBU - definitely have to follow through

pginthecloset · 15/04/2009 16:22

I think it was fair enough, though it's always hard to hear them crying about it!

I think the threat of restricting future computer time sounds more related in theory, but would not have worked as it wouldn't have been an immediate enough consequence.

everGreensleeves · 15/04/2009 16:23

maybe not pginthe, my ds has Aspergers and is very logic-driven so it would have worked better for us

plus he would take 5 minutes on Wikipedia over a trip to Pizza Hut any day

pointydog · 15/04/2009 16:23

Your punishment was too harsh. You went from bog standard instruction to get off the computer to no pIzza Hut. And you're right that any threat has to be followed through.

When you want to give a sanction, half the severity of the first one that comes into your head. And then half it again.

So you might have ended up with 'no fizzy drink at PH' or some other little extra that he would have liked.

pginthecloset · 15/04/2009 16:24

Bless him. Don't give in though.

Accept his apology and praise him for it. Tell him that he can redeem the Pizza Hut trip another day (make it soon) as long as he behaves well.

pointydog · 15/04/2009 16:25

tell him you were disappointed with him, you're so happy he has apologised and that you will go to PH tomorrow

MerlinsBeard · 15/04/2009 16:25

you said no pizza hut so you have to stick to it but you could have a pizza at home instead?

pointydog · 15/04/2009 16:27

Yes, show him apologising is worth something! Tell him you'll go tomorrow

Horton · 15/04/2009 16:50

Yes, I agree. Say you're really proud of him for recognising what the problem was and for apologising and tell him you will go tomorrow/whenever is next convenient. And point out that when you tell him to get ready, you need him to do it straight away or you won't be able to go.

LilRedWG · 15/04/2009 17:04

Am with pointy and Horton on this one.

lilyjen · 27/04/2009 14:02

I think that all the asking in the first place and a sudden big punishment is kinda unfair as it is difficult for him to see where the boundary actually was, i would of asked once nicely then warned that i would turn computer off myself then followed through. Pizza hut was an unrelated thing and the kind of punishment i would of used for something that was downright out of order or wrong. The punishment didn't fit the crime and was ott.

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