8m check; HV decreed CC and cut to 2 BFs a day. I think that's debatable, but what I'm doing isn't working, please help!

[bohemianbint]

Baaaaaaaaah ? just got back from 8m check and now I feel like crap.

*DS is losing weight
*HV asked if he was talking ? obviously he isn?t, he makes the odd noise but on the whole he?s a fairly quiet (but very giggly) baby
*HV says if I don?t do CC now then basically my life is screwed
*She says he should be on 3 meals a day and only needs 2 breast feeds now, morning and evening.

I think that the BF thing is rubbish, even Gina Ford advocates more feeds than that. But I can?t keep doing what I?m doing -I have posted in the last week as things are getting on top of me. (Am co-sleeping and BF on demand.)

DS has been ill and teething and as such has been refusing solid food and BFing more (which explains the weight loss in the last 2 weeks, but I?m not very happy about it) Recently (partly because of the pain, I guess) he has been waking me hourly for a feed and wants to be latched on all night and I'm going demented.

HV today said if I don't do CC then things will never get better and he will keep on doing this until he's a toddler. I just don't think am cut out to do CC, I never had to do it with DS1 and it would kill me to do it with DS2. Although I admit things do need to change, but I was thinking more the no-cry sleep solution.

And I am going to stop offering the breast at night, which is going to cause all kinds of aggro but I can't do it any more. It's just that I've read so much about AP and it feels like it's going against everything I believe in but I just can't keep going.

I guess I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar boat and how you reconcile ditching what you believe is the right thing to do in favour of getting some sort of space for yourself back. I?m debating putting him on some sort of routine ? don?t shoot me but along the lines of GF. It worked for DS but then he just slotted into it and I never had to do CC or anything like that. However, he did stop breastfeeding at 11m which I think is due to the fact that the feeds were cut down and replaced by solids so quickly, and I want to avoid DS2 doing the same thing. But at the same time, I actually want to still be alive at 11m.

Can anyone help?

Daft cow Why oh why would you make your baby even more miserable by doing CC when he is in pain/grumpy from teething???

Once he gets over the teething then yes tackle the night feeds if you can't/don't want to continue them.

IME mine all fed massively when ill or teething and it will pass. Lots of dc feed till they are toddlers but you can stop the night feeds if you have to. CC is not essential tho. As others have advised there are gentler methods.

Hope things get better soon x

Thank you everyone so much for the advice and solidarity!

I've made a real effort to try to nudge him towards a big sleep in the middle of the day in the hope that he will now go down at 7pm and sleep for...ooh, I dunno, a bit, at least. What I am going to do (which we haven't really been doing) is to put him in the dark from 7pm and keep it that way for 12 hours, no matter what else happens. I think we need to do this for a while so he really starts to get the idea. I won't be doing CC or anything of the sort at the moment though, as you've all said, lets get the teething out of the way first and reassess.

He seems happier today, and has eaten well. He has a really sore bottom though and it's blistered (poor, poor little chap) so the tooth must be imminent, I'm guessing? Why teeth makes your bottom sore I have no idea, what is the link there? Anyway, will see how tonight goes and report back. Thanks again.

They salivate more and swallow alot of the saliva which is acidic, their poo is therefore more acidic and that is why they get a sore bottom!

Anyway, just read your thread and wanted to wish you luck and say hang in there. My DS has never been the best sleeper but his sleep did start to gradually improve at around the 9mth mark so fingers crossed for you. You're right about the CC- ignore the bloody HV.

what is cc?

Well, the keeping him in the dark is not going so well. He went to sleep for about 20 mins and have now spent over an hour trying to get him to go back to sleep, no joy yet. And when he does, he'll probably go for another half hour, and we're back to square one. And repeat.

It really is soul destroying! He absolutely does not sleep enough, aren't babies supposed to be getting about 14 hours at this stage? DS probably gets about 9 hours broken...

It will take time, BB, and remember he is feeling poorly. Gentle methods take longer but don't lose faith. It WILL get better.

you don't need that many gcses to be a hv. infact i can definately site listening to advice from hvs as the cause of my pnd.

go on the co sleeping and bf threads for support and you'll see its all normal. its so hard though, i know, still bfing 14 mth old, thinking of trying dr jay gordon's night weaning programme whn i'm a bit more rested

Hello again, have followed you over here!

My own ds didn't start sleeping through until 9 months but I had stopped offering a night feed at about 6months. It coincided with me offering solids - he would have some porridge at about 5.30/6pm after a bf then I'd top him up from a bottle (expressed milk at first then formula from about 10m).

DS would have bf at 7am then at 10.30ish then 1.30ish then 4.30ish so 4 feeds then porridge before bed then a top up whilst he was still comatose - he'd down 8ox while still asleep some nights!

I have to admit I was very lucky and he 'fell' into this little pattern of his own accord but I fully admit to helping him get to sleep with a dummy (he's 20months now and doesn't have it any more).

Your HV is a loon if she thinks your ds should be talking by now - mine isn't saying more than a few words! I do agree that he sould be managing solids at breakfast, lunch and tea (dinner if you're not a northerner!)though. It's recommended that you BF first then 'top up' with food but at 8m your little one will naturally start cutting back on the milk as he gets a taste for solids.

Thankfully I didn't have to make the decision to stop as my ds just grew tired of it and I started to feel I was bf more for me than him!

Getting down to a BF in the morning and at night or even just at night (you could express and freeze any surplus and give it in a cup) but you shouldn't give milk WITH a meal as the calcium inhibits the absorbtion of iron which is essential for brain development.

Good luck!

just wanted to add there is a sleep regression around the 9 months mark, which would affect his night time sleep thismight explain it a bit

What's CC?

Frozen Chocolate CC=Controlled crying - rated by some slated by others (I think its bolleaux but there you go, applies to my kids - wouldn't dreamof tellingothers what to do in the middle of the night esp if it involved screaming misery for all involved). Totally agree you shouldn't try it unless you are convinced it will work. If your HV is geuninely concerned about your LO then why not refer you to the GP She sounds like a loon.

Slight sideline, but have you tried Metanium for the sore bottom? No wonder the poor little chap isn't sleeping if his teeth hurt and his bottom is sore?

Hope that you can find a solution for you soon. I had two milk monsters who fed day and night, and totally sympathise with your exhaustion. Best of luck.

Oh - sounds horrible. Have confidence in your mothering abilities and only take advice from those you respect and admire.

As many people have already said the best way I found to reduce nightfeeds (obviously after 6 months) was to get baby into a cot for a while and get DH to go to them when they woke in the night. They were not "pleased" to see him at first but they soon realised that nighttime wasn't feedtime and my DH also benefited from being the nighttime expert - big confidence boost for him! After a week or so we would go back to taking it in turns to go in. The important thing for us was that the babies were not feeling "abandoned" (following AP lingo) because daddy was there with them but at the same time they were not feeding.

Good luck with it and I wouldn't pay much attention to the HV there really isn't a single solution that works for every baby no matter what they tell you - if that were the case we'd all have 8 kids becuase it would be so easy!!!

I reduced night feeds for DS (co sleeping) by a campaign of increased daytime calories. Sounds obvious but a very deliberate focus on it for about three weeks worked...

Re the sleep. DH took DS for his 2 year check and the HV ended up saying she was going to come round to 'fix' his sleep issues (he isn't that bad, DH just thinks all kids sleep 7 - 7 by themselves). I spoke to her a few weeks later and she said something along the lines of "if he gets out of bed tell him you will lock him in his room in the dark and then do it" sounded barbaric to me so I told her that he is fine and not to come.

thank you for all the sound advice.

LAst night was a bit ropey in the evening, I did keep feeding him on and off because he was so miserable with his teeth, but on the upside, he did manage to stay the whole night in the bedside cot (so that should help with the arm/backache and not being kicked in the kidneys all night!) and he also slept 3-7am straight, which is a real acheivement. (It sounds crap, and it is, but it's fairly unprecendented so far.)

As I write this, he is fast asleep upstairs in the co-sleeper again and has been for nearly 40 minutes. Fingers crossed for us!

Thanks again for all the support and tips, have taken them all on board.

Have just ordered the Pantley book in preparation for helping DD when she's a bit older. HV told me I was a fool for co sleeping and that I should let her cry and self settle at 9 weeks.

Can you just disregard your HV (who sounds like an idiot) and ask your GP?