I need tips on how to handle kids behaviour outside of home

[HagridsHut]

After a pretty awful sleepover at new partner's house, I desperately need some tips on how to control the kids when they're away from home.

Basically, we had constant tell-tailing, fighting, name-calling, messing around with food (rubbing jam into a carpet) etc but they play up when we visit relatives too. As soon as they start getting bored, they start playing up. Wrestling on the floor, saying stupid stuff (e.g "Mum, what does penis mean? giggle " )

I just dread taking them anywhere because they show me up. I feel held at ransom when we're out because they know full well I get stressed and lost for how to deal with it all.

They take their DSs, mp3 players, books etc but they refuse to use them, prefering instead to play up.

I feel really upset at the moment because they really do show me up EVERYWHERE I go. I'm sick of it.

What age are they?
How do they behave at home?

If old enough I would have a chat before they go, explain about having to behave in other peoples houses and if they are good there is a reward if they are bad they lose a privilage. I would say look I realise you get bored when visiting but, its up to you to take stuff tht will keep you busy while we are there. Don't make empty threats though you may have to carry out a punishment to prove you mean it. All this depends on the age of the kids.

I've just seen your other thread by chance, and I think there's more to it that just misbehaving by the sound of it! Perhaps a bit of insecurity re. new partner, general settling in around his dd (sympathise with you there totally, btw) and testing the ground with your new dp.
Do they play up when you're out just the 3 of you? I have to say that the sleepover thing does not sound entirely their fault - just a reaction to a bit of provocation plus excitement.

When it's just the 3 of us, they don't play up to be honest. No more than usual "Kiddie" behaviour anyway.

Same at home, we have the odd argument, the odd bit of cheek but nothing like when we're out. It's just constant showing off, cheek, doing stuff they know they're not allowed to do ... I think because they know I get so embarrassed by them and it gives them power.

They're 8 and 10.

Near enough the smae age as mine, I find as a single mum they are used to much more undivided attention, so when DP is there they don't get as mach attetion, to be fair most of the time mine are fine, but sometimes they are total brats and I think it is the DP getting my attention. I don't think conciously they are jealous or have a problem with him, but I think there is more going on at a subconcious level.

I still think being really firm with them is the way, but I think they might need lots more reasurance then they even realise. Keep them close.

Sounds like insecurity. My 8yo is usually very well behaved when we're out and about, but las weekend we had lunch with his uncle and aunt and he was dreadful. Potty jokes, completely hyper, behaviour he'd grown out of years ago.

But then we had just visited his grandma on the cancer ward and got back to her house which felt so empty without her.

I still felt let down as he hardly ever sees my BIL and his wife, so they must think this is what he is like. But I can see where he was coming from.