Household duties for 5/6yo DDs?

[bratnav]

They currently:

put their own dirty washing in the laundry basket,
put clean, folded washing away in their drawers,
tidy their own toys up at the end of the day
occasionally lay the table
very occasionally dry any pots that didn't fit in the dishwasher

Is this too much/about right/not enough?

DMIL thinks it is fine, but other people have said that it is too much responsibility for them, My Mum said that they should be able to load/unload the DW by now

Any thoughts?

anyone?

I have a 3, 5 and 7 year old and have to say that they do not have any tasks. However, i have been questioning my parenting abilities a lot recently so do not recommend my way of doing things. Cant imagine them even attempting to put folded clothes away - they would be unfolded in an instance.

Sounds good to me if they are happy to do this much and it's not causing lots of enforcement battles.

DS is 6 and often lays the table, helps prepare dinner and puts away things from the dishwater although I take the cutlery basket out first so he can't hurt himself on a knife. Also hangs out washing to dry.

Dirty washing in the laundry basket.
Tidies toys when they have spread too far out of his bedroom.

Only the last two are obligatory. The first few are when he offers to help (usually because he is hungry and want dinner to be on the table quicker or because so that I finish quicker to come and do something with him).

No enforcement battles, we have an agreement that if they do their jobs then we will buy comics etc for them as we think they are not quite ready for pocket money yet. So sort of a quid pro quo.

Hi there, my nearly 4 year old has to do the following tasks frequently, but we're quite loose about it iykwim, if I can see a battle brewing I don't bother.

• putting his own and his baby sisters clothes into the laundry basket before bathtime

• choosing and laying out pjs for them both after they've been in the bath

• tidy up time at the end of the day after tea normally

• bath toys away once bath is over

• also he feeds the dog! Under supervision obviously, but he knows how much, how to get the dog to sit and wait and then tells him to take it.

Light responsibility doesn't hurt, but emptying the dishwasher would have my heart in my mouth I'm afraid!

6 year olds are a lot more coordinated than 4 year olds.
I usually try to distract 4 yr old DD onto a different activity when DS is unloading the dishwasher.

Ds is a bit younger (nearly 4) so maybe more malleable. He has a category on his star chart for 'helpful with jobs'.

He does a lot by choice - emptying the cutlery from the dishwasher and putting it in the cutlery drawer (sharp knives removed first by me). Empties rest of dishwasher and hands it to me to put in higher cupboards.

Empties our laundry baskets and sorts dirty laundry into piles of darks, lights and puts them in machine.

Takes his clean laundry and puts it away in the drawers.

Empties shopping - although I remove eggs etc. first.

Usually puts his used clothes in his laundry bag but sometimes decides to throw them across the room!

Doesn't put his dishes away after dinner though - only occasionally but I don't mind as he is so good at doing other jobs.

Is encouraged to not leave toys everywhere with another category on the star chart which mostly works if we clear up at the end of the day.

I'm sure this won't last but when he's 5 or 6, I'm hoping that this stuff will just be what he does by then even if he no longer feels so motivated to help iyswim.

Start em young I say!

7y DD doesn't have any regular chores at all. She does help out if asked, and often off her own back too.

She always makes an effort to keep her bedroom and playroom tidy, and encourages her friends to help before they go home.

She also will automatically put her dirty clothes in the laundry most nights.

She makes her own bed and makes sure her PJs are under her pillow in a morning.

And then adhoc - she will help lay the table, clear the table, fill the dishwasher, vacuum, help sort socks etc after washing, helps me to cook, helps DH wash the cars, etc.

Bratnav - if it was too much responsibility for them they wouldnt cope with it iyswim. For some 5/6 yo who had never done any hh tasks that would be too much, for others who have always been expected to take part in caring for themselves, its fine.

My DSS's are 7 & 8, and do all you've said plus make their own beds, get their breakfast, clear table after meal, wash up occasionally (we dont have dishwasher), and take turns loading washing machine/tumble dryer. DS is 3 and DD just turned 2, they both put clothes in washing basket,tidy toys & put socks,pants,pyjamas etc in drawers (not stuff I've ironed ).

I want my kids to know how to look after themselves when they become adults. Also I'm at uni part time, DH works 90+ hrs a week and there are 4 (nearly 5!) kids in the house, I dont have time or desire to do everything for them.

I find it helps if we all do things together...so the 3 big ones do dishwasher...choose/rotate between top shelf, bottom shelf and cutlery...also clear and lay table together...also we sort and fold laundry togther...they pick out their stuff...fold and put away...I think it is really important to do this young...if you look at the teenage thread...parents trying to start any sort of thing later are facing a massive battle

I have toagree that it does make a difference if they are used to it. When DSD first started staying at my house with DP and after we moved in together, she couldn't even dress herself, and sat on her bed waiting for someone to do it for her. Now she has had a couple of years exposure to doing some things for herself as the DDs always have, she is just as capable as they are.

Amazing how differently people do things though, apparently at DSDs Mums house, she still dresses her in the mornings and clears everything away for her. Not a criticism at all, but I can't see how she has the time/inclination seeing as she works full time.

I think you've pitched it just right. My 6 1/2 year old dd does all that (apart from putting away folded clothes), and also helps me unload the dishwasher, as does 4 1/2 year old DS (who is as tall as her and just as agile). I don't know if you have younger DC, if so now is the ideal age to get the older one helping you with them. DD will change my 2 year olds nappy, as long as it isn't pooey, and gets her changed into pj's, that kind of thing. Will also read her stories if I'm in the middle of something, and run up or down stairs to get thing for me (we're expecting another baby this summer, hence my current laziness.)

She does all of it under some sufferance, she's not naturally tidy, but that's partly why I insist on it. We've started paying her 5p a time for the "extra" jobs she does (such as helping with her sister), the money goes into her money box and she spends it on rainbow magic fairy books which we'd have ended up buying for her anyway, so good system all round.

Sounds good hedgie, DC4 is due at the start of September so it will be an interesting time, hopefully introducing a small amount of responsibility for the LO over time.

It's funny, DD1 - neat freak, loves order, doesn't need to be asked to do anything,
DD2 - absolutely away with the fairies, wouldn't notice if the house collapsed around her, but very co-operative and willing to help Mummy, desperate to mop floors
DSD - somewhere in between the other 2, but occasionally will just get one of the others to do it for her as she can't be bothered, but again very keen to help in the kitchen.

my 6yo charge
sets the table
puts her clean clothes away
empties the dishwasher
hoovers (when she wants to "help")
empties the bins in bedrooms etc
tidies her room (with some organisational help)
makes her bed
strips and remakes her bed (with some help)
She is able to do this and more and she has no complaints.