Dp and I disagree over this. Vertigo-did I over react and are my dc now going to be scared of heights like me?

[MilaMae]

2 of my dc (4 and 5)wanted to go up Leith Hill Tower with dp and grandad. I am petrified of heights but said ok if I could come to keep an eye on them. Grandad is quite slow and laid back,both of my dc are fearless and can be impulsive. I felt I needed to be there.

Anyhow I drag myself sweating with fear up the steps until we get to the top which has a very low wall(as warned by the NT lady). I am now so petrified I can't go out onto the top but keep in the doorway clutching onto the 2 dc's T shirts,grandad then says lets go and wave to your brother .

The thought of my 2 babies hanging over the very low wall waving at their brother terrified me so I can't let go off the T-shirts. Dp 'errr can you let go" me "no bloody way". A heated discussion follows(in front of fil ) in which dp says I've now given my fear of heights to the dc who are a little crestfallen when I insist we go down.

I just couldn't help it but feel crap now, I really don't want them to feel like me but am wondering if dp is right and the damage is done. I've successfully hidden it until now. I did tell them that the fact I hauled myself up the steps is a good thing but dp is mighty peeved.

What can I say to the dc to stop them developing vertigo or are they now doomed?

you should have let them go up without you. You should have gone away for a cup of coffee. They would have been absolutely fine looked after by two adults.

Well I cna see both sides here.

I think was pointless you going up with the others if you were going to stop them enjoying the view from the top - your dp and father (or father-in-law) were there and I can see that it would seem rather insulting to them for you to not let them be the responsible adults.

I think that if you accept that your fear of heights is irrational, then you have to accept that in clinging on to your children and arguing about it in front of them may highlight the fear for them. But I can see that it must have been very hard for you.

IMO would have been better to trust your dp and granddad to care for your boys, making it clear to the boys before they went up that they should stay away from the edge (as I would, and I am not afraid of heights).

I don't know about fear of heights, but my DD now has a fear of bees thanks to my niece.

Pd is right, you should have left them to it.

I think probably not over talking it to them now is the way to go. Making a bigger deal of it will probably build it up in there heads.

I can sympathise with you in some ways though...I have a fear of spiders, am terrified of them, but have hidden it so far.

their.

I know but fil is verrrrry slow,enjoys views whilst puffing his pipe iykwim. I really wanted dp to take the dc up 1 at a time. I didn't want to be a killjoy(hollow laugh). Also dp was trying to force me out onto the top which made it worse.

You're right though I should have just left them all to it.

So what do I say to the dc now? I've said sorry but want to say something to try and make them see they don't need to be scared like me. Short of climbing a very high tower(alone) I don't know what else to do.

Get someone else to take them.

I think you should say something like, 'I know I spoiled the fun for you a little bit today. Next time we're exploring a tower/castle, I'll let daddy take you and I know you'll be sensible and have lots of fun too'

I wouldn't mention your own fear at all.

I think your dp is right and I think you should have gone off and done something else and let them go up without you.

I have a fear of flying but there is no way I will project that on to my ds. So as far as he is aware flying is a big adventure. In fact making it something to be excited about for him has actually helped me not be so afraid of it because my efforts are concentrated on other things iyswim.

I also wouldn't apologise too much. Best to be all matter of fact and upbeat, I'd say

Why on earth should your dp have taken them one at a time? they're not babies. They're perfectly old enough to be reasoned with.

if your dp was there i don't see why you had to go, fair enough if their ganddad was going to be on his own with them but you should trust your dp.

dp is petrified of spiders but never ever lets on about this to the kids as he doesn't want them to pick up the fear from him.

I have a terrible fear of heights and quite understand why you felt the need to be there - you wanted to protect your DCs from the thing that frightens you most.

But I think the best thing you can do now is pretend it didn't happen - if you start some big discussion about it then you'll make it seem like a big deal in their minds and they're much more likely to remember it. Just move on, don't discuss it and next time stay well away.

Thanks Hassled and Pointy,Manky for the advice re the way to go now much appreciated.

I know I was silly but in my defense if it had been twin1 and dd I'd have been far happier,he's not a daredevil or impulsive, both the other two are. I just felt dp would have needed to be in 2 places at once. Children do develop at different rates.

My dc are 4 ,5and 5 and we're just starting to let go so having to judge lots of new experiences at the moment. Being a responsible parent and letting go is a fine balance it takes a while to get used to.In a lot of ways we're very relaxed but I guess as Hassled says heights is probably my weak point.

Wannabe you're lucky you can fly. I am totally terrified of flying too thanks to my last horrendous flight, have successfully avoided flying with the dc as don't want to expose them to my fear which I know I couldn't control. Haven't flown since they were born in fact. I truly didn't mean for them to see me scared I just couldn't stop it.

The whole thing has made me think.Because they're all similar ages we don't have the maturity of an older sibling to show as an example at times. We're so used to needing to be in 3 places at once not needing to be needed is a new thing we'll (I'll) just have to get used to too.