Do you love your mum?

[DuffyFluckling]

I have a polite but distant relationship with my mum. She doesn't really know my children.

My mum doesn't particularly like her mum.

I was looking at dd earlier and imagining how close we will always be. I will always be there for her. I want her to be able to talk to me about friends and school and boys and sex. I want to always be a relevant part of her life. I want to be important to my grandchildren. I want her always to be able to land on me and it to be okay.

Now I'm panicking because I don't know how to be that sort of mum. I have nothing to model it on.

If you have that sort of relationship with your mum, can you tell me how and why it has come about?

No, not consciously that is. I mean I'm attached to her and would be freaked out and floored if she suddenly died, but consciously I don't like her. And when I think about my parents, I can summon up a lot of love for my Dad but not for Mum.

I guess we got on differently from the word go.

I wish I knew how to avoid my own children feeling that way about me.

I love my mum with all of my heart, although she sadly died nearly four years ago

My mum was my best friend and was always there for me, my dad and my two brothers. She was our rock and our family defintely wobbled and struggled to stay composed after she died.

My mum always said and did the right things by us - even if we didn't agree it was at the time!

I'd love to be the mother my mum was to us but I'm really not sure I'm capable of living up to that really.

I totally love mine. I'm lucky.

I have always had a good relationship with my mum. I think it is unconditional love, I know that I have it and whatever I did she would be there for me.
It is difficult if you haven't got a role model but the really important thing is not to fall into the trap of going to much the other way.
She may not want to talk to you about intimate details of her life, she might be a very private person. She may not want to go shopping with you, she may argue, there may be times when she says 'I hate you'. It is important to realise that she doesn't mean it and there is no need to get upset.You are not her best friend, she can have plenty of those, you are unique-her mother and as such you have to give her boundries.
I don't think that you can go wrong if you keep the lines of communication open and are always there to support and encourage. Don't make her feel responsible for your happiness. I always cringe when I hear teenage mothers say 'I wanted a baby as someone to love me'-it is putting too much onto another person.
If you give unconditional love and a secure childhood you can't go far wrong. You have the desire to do it so you are half way there already-good luck.