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Parenting

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Original poster

please help im not sure how much i can take, i just want to leave.

21 replies

benbon · 10/04/2009 09:22

well i have a very spirited 3 1/2 year old who constantly does things that he knows are unacceptable.

we have a hook and eye on our kitchen door from when he used to raid the fridge in the middle of the night and this morning his sister has come in and told us that he has done it again.

he had put a chair by the door then stood on the chair using the box from the wii to undo the hook and eye he has then got up on the side board and got down 2 easter egg from ontop of the cupboard and eaton both of them.

obviously this wasnt enough as he then raided the fridge and ate his sisters egg and packet of smarties, 1 x complete pack of cookies and a packet of mini eggs.

i just dont know what to do any more i took him to his room to talk to him and he just smiles and says he wants to be good, so i have shut the door and he is now throwing things araound his room..

as i said he has done this many times like the time he threw a whole box of cheerios around the lounge diner, or the time he flicked butter at the tv.

we have tried shouting, taking things away (but there is nothing he loves) rewarding his sister, and this time he is not going to be having any easter eggs atall...

please just help im at my wits end his sister has always been good as gold.

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mrsmaidamess · 10/04/2009 09:37

My ds does this sometimes, raids the kitchen for food. And he's 5..

And I hate to say it but he does it when he is not getting enough positve attention form me and dh.

How did your son find the time to do all these things unattended? Where were you?

My solution with my son was to tackle the other behaviours such as doing what he is told the first time around, sitting up at the table, with a star chart. I know they don't work for some people but my ds really responds to them, and it stops me doing that angry yelling thing, as I can calmly say 'remember your star chart!'.

The food pilaging has stopped as we are in a 'postive place' with him, and he is getting the attention he needs.

Original poster

benbon · 10/04/2009 09:44

its normally in the early hours of the morning he sneeks past our room, he knows not to turn the lights on or turn the tv on as it willl wake us.

OP posts:

kitbit · 10/04/2009 09:45

You need to find a sanction that means something. Or find a reward mechanism that he is motivated by such as stickers for good behaviour to build up to a treat, or find a little thing he wants to collect (with ds it was toy cars) and treat good behaviour (or lack of bad behavious to start with) with those.

It sounds as though he is kicking back against punishments by seeming to not care, so perhaps the reward system is the way to go?

...or have you tried time out? Remove him from the centre of activity and insist he sits there and thinks about whatever he has done.

Does he seem to get a thrill from getting into trouble? Is he getting lots of attention otherwise, or only when he's naughty? Perhaps it's attention seeking and he hasn't yet worked out how to get "good" attention?

Can you build on the good bits? When he's good and loving and behaves well?

Sorry, thoughts coming out as a stream of waffle, hope there's something helpful in there! Above all don't worry, it will pass and it's normal.

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mrsmaidamess · 10/04/2009 09:49

Have you tried a stair gate to help him stay in his room at night time? You could explain it as something to 'help' him get his reward, rather than a punishment to make him stay in his room.

Littlepurpleprincess · 10/04/2009 09:56

you could also try not buying treats such as cookies and crisps for a while. If they're not there he can't take them.

You don't want to punish your daughter though so keep a few treats hidden, somewhere really bizarre that your son can't get too or won't think to look. So that she still gets her treats.

My little brother always used to help himself to chocolate for breakfast and I couldn't help but think JUST DON'T BUY CRAP! My step-mum used to act like he'd got in the car, drove it to morrisons and bought loads of biscuits.

LynetteScavo · 10/04/2009 10:04

Er......so this isn't normal behaviour?

A stairgate won't stop a child like this. The only solution is not to buy food you don't want him to gobble. Hidding it won't do any good.....he will be able to smell it however well wrapped up it is. And I'm yet to find a lock my little Hudinis can't overcome.

You will look back on his behaviour one day and laugh, I know it's not funny now (I carted DS1 off to a cranial osteopath out of depsperation when he was up to such tricks) but I do now laugh at the time he put a large pot of yogurt in the middle of the living room floor and jumped on it.

I don't think there is a cure, cure.....just prevention.

Original poster

benbon · 10/04/2009 10:12

we have a lean too that i lock crisps and the snack box out there. i just put the easter eggs on top of the cupboard so they wouldnt melt.and it doesnt have to be nice food he will eat he will eat a block of cheese if thats all there is in the fridge.

one time he ate 19 yogurts in one go.. ive also caught his eating butter..

stair gates dont work ive tried it. we have tried putting a hook and eye on his door put he is dry at night now so we have to leave the door open so he can use the toilet..

ive also tried star charts but he is not into anything so they dont seem to work..

OP posts:

Littlepurpleprincess · 10/04/2009 10:25

erm have you tried speaking to your HV/GP, I don't think you should worry but it is unusual for a child to eat butter out of the fridge in the early hours of the morning.

Does he eat well at meal times?

SlartyBartFastlaidanegg · 10/04/2009 10:29

my ds steals food at 14.
but in your case it doesnt sound good.
apart from reward charts and stuff i agree with not buying the chocolate for starters, i have the easter eggs hidden in my room.
plus i second speaking to GP, he does sound a bit of a handful.!
have you tried positive parenting
how is he otherwise?

mrsjammi · 10/04/2009 10:32

This reply has been deleted

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SlartyBartFastlaidanegg · 10/04/2009 10:33

coudl he be looking for attention?

kitbit · 10/04/2009 11:58

I think it's bigger than just the eating thing, but what about putting out some snacks that he is allowed, or a special box in the fridge just for him? Would he still ignore it and eat the butter?

LynetteScavo · 10/04/2009 12:53

What is his weight like?

Does he eat his meals?

Re reading the OP - I think even I would feel sick if I ate that much in one go.

suwoo · 10/04/2009 13:10

The eating thing was the first thing that jumped out at me from your post. What's the name of that compulsive eating disorder....

suwoo · 10/04/2009 13:13

prader-willi syndrome

Hopefully its not this though

luvaduck · 10/04/2009 13:30

the OP would know if he had prader willi. its not just about overeating!

suwoo · 10/04/2009 13:33

Yeah I know- I read the wiki entry. Its a lot to eat though isn't it.

gardeningmum05 · 10/04/2009 13:44

i wouldnt go down the reward steps, he sounds like a naughty boy that wants some serious discipline.
leaving him to throw things around his room..whats that all about..i hope you made him clean it up himself,not you do it!

MollieO · 10/04/2009 14:04

Is he at nursery? If so what is his behaviour like there? Did he actually eat everything you listed or just pick at things? Does sound like a lot if he ate the whole thing. Usually we don't have biscuits or crisps in the house and ds's Easter egg is hidden in a place he won't find it or else I reckon he would do the same (he's 4).

Does he eat his meals? If ds doesn't then he does fridge-raiding, although during the day rather than the middle of the night. If he eats everything maybe you should be giving him more at meal times. There are times when my ds barely eats and other times that he eats so much that I'm surprised he isn't sick. Those times coincide with growth spurts.

Sorry his behaviour is making you so sad. Ds was a nightmare from about 18 mths to 4 and a bit (he is 5 end June). Very high spirited and challenging and completely different from other friends sons and hugely different from daughters. He needs lots and lots of running around time and gets cranky when he doesn't get it. He has always been well-behaved when we have company or are out but when there was the two of us I found it really hard to cope. Made worse because no one (not even my mum) realised how bad his behaviour was. He changed hugely when he started reception and now I look forward to my weekends (I work full time) rather than dread them.

Original poster

benbon · 10/04/2009 17:38

hi sorry ive been out at work.

his weight is fine he weighs 2 and a half stone but will be 4 in july. its just so frustrating as he can be well behaved and he knows what he is doing is naughty

gardening mummy no i dont clean up after him he gets made to do it when he threw the cherrios i made him pick them up one by one! (bit cruel now i think of it) i can be strict if i need too.

he does go to nursey 4 days a week. they absolutely love him but he can be a handful there. they have a sun chart whick really seems to work there for him but the one i have at home doesnt work quite aswell im not sure if that is because there is a few staff there so they can take it in turns giving him the time outs where as im at home on my own so dont always has time to follow through with the threats

OP posts:

sashababygal · 07/05/2009 18:23

my son is 7 nearly 8 and is still doing the fridge raid and is so bad , i am losing the will to live what do u do i have tryed everthing help please mum aged 36

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