My dp upset me by what he said about my arranging of playdates for ds

[franka]

Hi
My ds is 8 and an only he doesn,t have any cousins of his age in the family to play with and I am quite shy which has been quite hard for me, as a consequence I don,t have any mom friends whose children my ds can play with, it all gets me down to be honest.

I do make quite an effort to arrange playdates back at our house during the holidays so that my ds does have someone to play with these are friends from school.

Some of these freinds are mates from my ds's old infant school who I try to keep my ds in touch with as he made some great friends there.
I was talking to my dp about what I had planned for ds during the easter holiday and explained that so and so is coming this day and someone else is coming that day.
However when it came to a mention that a couple of freinds from ds's old infant school were coming my dp said I don,t know why you keep on getting in touch with those old school friends their moms never get in touch with you and you are making a nuisance of yourself.
My ds left this infant school 7 months ago and I did say to a few of the moms that I am sure my ds would like to keep in touch with their ds's to which they agreed.
It is true what my dp says it is down to me that my ds maintains some contact with friends at his old school nobody ever contacts us and invites ds over. I have never worried too much about that my ds seems to enjoy having them here and thats all that matters but my dp has made me wonder if I am making a nuisance of myself now and shoudl just leave it be.
His old mates are usually more than happy to come and their parents are normally more than happy for them to come.
I feel really awful now after what my dp said as maybe I am looking a bit odd to maintain these friendships.
My ds has settled relatively well at his new school and does appear to have made some friends but I have had some problems finding out who he likes well enough to invite over and only a couple of the playdates I have arranged are with his new pals but my ds has made me feel as though I will be making a nuisance of myself with anyone now.
What do you think do you think I am making a nuisance of myself to keep springing up in the holidays asking his old freinds over.
My dp has made me feel terrible.

Your DP should keep his nose out - unless he wants to arrange the playdates...
What would he say if YOU tried to dictate his social life?
If your friends are happy to come over, then of course you are not making a nuisance of yourself! what a silly thing to say... You are lucky to have kept in touch with some nice people.
Ignore your DP - he is being a twunt.

Rose is right.

If your DS wants to see his mates then invite them over, at this age it isnt who asked who first (and frankly it isn't at any age, even ours).

The mums from the earlier years will feel the same as you, they will be pleased you got in touch.

And hey, who sorts out the dentists, football boots, clothes, pets, reading books, etc etc,etc I bet it's you, so why shouldn't you sort out the friends. At this age they need a bit of secret guidance

God, I wish some kindly mums-of-onlies would have a few of mine over for the holidays... even if I've been too distracted to think of asking them myself!

Keep at it. Ignore him.

Oh, and you're not anywhere near Suffolk for a few extras, are you?

I'm always really grateful that other people are more together than I am about arranging meet-ups like this. Take no notice.

I would ignore him completely. If you are being a nuisance they can easily make excuses-but the aren't. As he gets older and more established in the new school it will probably phase out naturally-friendships are never static. In the meantime he has friends over to play with-he is happy, you are happy and I would say that other mums and DCs are happy-so take no notice.

Your DH is talking out of his arse. I think it is lovely that you are going to all this effort for your son.

DS1 (7rs) had a friend who moved a long way away 2 years ago and DS1 still speaks fondly of him.

What Saintmaybe said. Another week goes past and I haven't rung so and so, and when so and so rings I am pathetically grateful to be asked! No you are not a nuisance. If you wree, they would say no. He is a twit and a tad unsupportive

What others have said. DH is a wally

If your were being a nuisance then the mums would make excuses about not being available.
There could be a million reasons why mums dont return the playdates. (I rarely return playdate because with 4 children we are busy enough and we would never have any time for us, I am also rubbish at inviting people over and I like the more casual approach (ie am not organised enough to plan in advance) Dh works shifts and I childmind. phew!!!

Keep going as you are. Ignore DH or arrange for him to spend a week with DS in a log cabin with nothing to entertain them except each other! He will be arranging playdates after a few days of "Dad what shall we do now?"

Thanks so much for all of your comments this isn,t the first time my dp has been off hand in his comments with me and I don,t just mean with regards to my ds and friends, he has really made me angry on occasions.
Your comments have made me feel a whole lot better about this.
I just feel that my clueless dp really has no idea of how it can be during school holidays with an only unless you arrange to have some mates over, an only can be quite demanding.
I have always enjoyed having his mates over and I have no problem with doing it.
Lancel if you was near me they would be more than welcome.

I always arrange holiday playdates for my DS who is also an only, and if I was like you and my DS had recently changed schools then I would, like you, be contacting old friends as well as new friends.

When DS started school I kept contact with friends from his nursery for a short while, and these naturally phased out as he made new friends at his school.

Ignore your DP - I normally ignore mine!!