Bee fear

[dweezle]

Dear niece (7), a bit of a primadonna in many ways, has started becoming hysterical if a bee comes within 10 yards of her.

We were out on a picnic yesterday and she had 2 meltdowns, screaming hysterically, crying, shouting that she wanted to go home and lock all the doors and windows etc.

She has never been stung by a bee or wasp.

Now, when my 2 were this age, DS was stung by a wasp twice within the space of a week, and for some time afterwards was a bit wary of flying stingy things, but we were able to calmly explain that his best bet was just to stand quietly and the bee would get bored and go away.

Tried this stance - DN was having none of it, and we had the full bit, flailing arms, shrieking etc. This went on for 10-15 minutes. In fact it went on until her dad told her she could have an ice cream when the tap was turned off immediately.

Now, we were discussing how to handle a repeat performance, and I (from my lofty 'I only have sensible teenagers who aren't scared of bees' perch) said I would have probably just ignored her. DBIL said he was tempted to try this, as he is not looking forward to a summer spent indoors, but she gets herself so worked up, it is difficult. Any ideas?

My DC's are scared of bees, squirrels, pigeons, spiders, ants and dogs. I have no idea why and it drives me a bit mad when we are at the park and they keep freaking out over every creature that comes near them. Afraid I have no advice but don't think it is unusual for young children to develop these irrational fears for no apparent reason. If anyone else has any ideas I would appreciate them too!

The fact that she was able to stop when her dad said she
could have an ice cream suggests she has some control over her reactions. It could be she was seeking attention.

If it seems this is the case, I would be tempted to ignore/distract

However, lots of kids do have genuine phobias.
MY DS has a balloon phobia, which I treated myself using "systematic desensitisation" .
The thing with phobias is that the person feels anxious, then attempts to run away/avoid so they never experience the anxiety going down again. They have to be exposed to the thing they fear in a controlled way, gradually increasing in difficulty (ie how anxious it makes them feel). They have to sit with the anxiety and wait for it to go down, helped by teaching them to do deep breathing.
I used to ask how anxious DS felt on a scale of 1-10, do some deep breathing, then ask again. The anxiety level will naturally die down. Then you move on to the next difficult thing.

It's a bit harder to do with bees, though! You could try and do it by reading about bees first, watching a TV programme that has bees in, then visiting somewhere where there are bee hives.

Sorry about the essay above!

The main thing is to keep calm yourself, talk to your DC calmly, and don't let them run away.

Fear of dogs etc is really common and will just naturally get better as they get older, as long as they don't pick up on your anxiety, and they don't get loads of attention for making a big fuss.

Screamingabdab

That was my thought re ice cream. TBH she does have a bit of a history of histrionics. Her Dad did recognise that they will have to get her to face the bee (!) at some point - she obviously can't spend the whole summer running in circles shrieking.

Will suggest holding on to her and speaking calmly and gradually starting to ignore.

thanks for advice

You are welcome