So do your older DCs ever forgive you for having a baby? Am feeling glum

[WhatFreshEggIsThis]

DS2 is just over a week old and am feeling like poor DS1 is getting a really raw deal from Mummy right now. Relatives and DP are being brilliant and he's been over to play at Grannie's loads, and with aunties and cousins, but I'm finding it really hard to give him enough of my time and energy.

I have no patience whatsoever, and find him really tough to cope with, especially when he climbs on me when I'm feeding DS2. I lose my rag really quickly and shout and then want to cry And I don't seem to have any time to play with him.

This evening I had to do bedtime on my own for the first time as DP was away - DS2 woke up and wanted feeding just when I was trying to get DS1 into his pajamas, so I was juggling a screaming baby and a 3 year old and trying to do stories and feed at the same time.

And the worst of it is DS1 is being so sweet - he refused to sit on my lap for stories because he said I had a sore tummy still (I had a c-section) and when I said I liked cuddling him he said 'You've cuddled me lots Mummy'. I nearly cried then and there...

And he just wanted to cuddle his baby brother when he was crying and I was cross with him because he kept asking to cuddle him and I was trying to get him into pajamas. Then when he got into bed he said 'Mummy you and the baby brother go to bed and then I'll come into your bed too' because I said I was sorry for being cross because I was tired.

So does it get better? Please say it does - DP is going to a wedding for a long weekend at the end of the month and won't even be in the country, am worried I won't be able to cope

Sorry, offload over!

Your feelings are perfectly normal! I felt so sorry for dd1 when dd2 came along.

Perfectly normal but irrational. Don;t worry. You are tired, you have a lot on your plate but your ds1 will cope.

Yes it does get better.

At just over a week, your hormones are still all over the place. Once they settle you'll be able to see the wood for the trees.

My 2 are now 3.5 and 10 months and they get on really well! DS1 really knows how to make ds2 laugh - it's so lovely to watch!

I think you're doing amazingly - I didn't do bedtime by myself until ds2 was a couple of months old!

Thank you! I don't know what's hardest, when he's being a monkey and playing up, or when he's being incredibly sweet and I'm still a grumpy old cow.....

Its just over a week - your milk hasn't long come in and you probably have a touch of the baby blues...I remember when my milk came in, I cried buckets at everything and anything!!

Take it easy...why not order DS1 a nice DVD or something from Amazon and then you can say this is from your little brother and sit and watch it while breastfeeding? Ok, I know its not a long term solution but it will make DS1 feel a bit special and you will feel better

My DS has a DVD that I bought from Amazon called Diggers and Dumpers -all construction, big trucks, mess etc and he loves it...maybe worth a try?

Your DS1 sounds so lovely, you can be proud of him.

Yes, it does get better. Don't be so hard on yourself. If DS1 goes to bed a bit later then it is not really a problem. Does he put his PJs on himself?

My two are just over 2 years apart and they adore each other, even when fighting like cat and dog.

I offered DD a girlies day out recently and she refused as she wanted her brother to come too.

yes, get dvds. They are fine and good.

And wish is right - within the year you'll see them forming a lovely relationship with each other

It was ambitious - thankfully DP isn't going away again for a couple of weeks, and will be home shortly with a takeaway (I was going to cook, hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ) but am very worried about this weekend wedding thing.

We would all go, but it's abroad and I doubt we'll be able to get DS2 a passport in time - we haven't even chosen a name yet, let alone registered him, and it's at the end of April.

DVDs are good - excellent idea to get him a special one from his baby brother, that's a top tip.

Yes, honestly it gets better.

The first 6 weeks with a second baby + toddler are hell. No doubt about it and no way around it (IMO).

But it does get better.

I had a section with ds2 and felt exactly the same way - it was unbearable and frustrating and so upsetting not to be able to do stuff with and for ds1.

Ds1 is 7 now and ds2 is nearly 5 and although ds1 would still maintain his little brother is a complete pain, they slowly but surely have started to from their own team (against their mummies!) and now play together, watch telly together, play on the wii and out in the garden - it's great and gets better all the time.

Hang in there and get all the help you can from anyone who's around - if you can get anyone to walk the baby round the block while you read a story to ds1 or anything like that it's a godsend. But don't beat yourself up if you can't and don't beat yourself up that ds1's life is different - that's inevitable and over time, will get better!

Can you go and stay with family when he is away?? That is what I would do - no medals for staying home and coping alone imo!

Glad you like my tip

If you want to go you could try to get a passport -DH's renewal came in 5 days a few weeks ago and ds2's within 10 days last year.

Enjoy your well earned takeaway

It DOES get better.
It sounds like you are doing really well for only one week in!
My DS2 is now 13 months old and he is the best present I could ever have given DS1. They love each other so much and play together lots. No one can make either of them laugh as much as they make each other laugh

The thing is, I'm very lucky - DS1 is in nursery three days a week till 4.30pm, DP works just down the road and is still on paternity leave (today was an exception) and my mum has DS1 on Tuesday afternoons, so I feel like really I have it quite easy! So I feel even worse when I want to scream within two seconds of having to cope on my own.

Ah well, early days. You are all giving me hope.

As for that weekend, I think staying with someone might be the way forward - my mum isn't around for all of it, so I might start working out who we could descend on....

I have an 8 week old and a nearly 3 year old - and it does get easier, I promise. DS1 was really clingy for around 6 weeks (and still is more clingy than preDS2) - and wanted to be treated like a baby more - but seems to have mostly got over it. I made a real effort to play with DS1 lots when DS2 was asleep which DS1 really seemed to enjoy. Bedtimes is still abit difficult - I either try to make sure DS2 has a late nap so he can last out for his bath and bedtime until after DS1 is down - or try to put DS2 down before DS1 goes to bed (so we get quality bedtime story time before he goes to sleep). Doesnt always work and sometimes I have to feed DS2 while reading DS1 stories - or read DS1 stories while DS2 hollers away - but it is getting easier.

If you're really worried about when your DH is away, could you perhaps get some family or friends to come stay (so one can look after DS2 so you can have quality time with DS1 and do bedtime ok)?

I dislike coping on my own...DH does 12 hour day shifts at the hospital sometimes and I'm always in the run up to it.

I make sure I plan something or have a friend coming over which helps break up the day. Fwiw though, the worrying about it is far worse than actually doing it because when it comes to it, you do it because no other option!

Perhaps we should form a Home Alone club and go over to each other's houses whenever our DPs are away!

Ahh yes! Would have to do a Bristol meet up first to make sure we aren't a hairy handed truckers!

oh well of course if you have something against hairy handed truckers, then we probably won't get on

But yes, Bristol meet up definitely on the cards. Just need to stop weeping every ten minutes!

Ahh, that's ok I'll bring tissues and make sure you get the biggest slice of cake in the display cabinet

I'm nice...I just steal tupperware off other mnetters...

oh yes, I'd forgotten you're the one with the tupperware kleptomania.....Shall guard my tubs with my life.

A Kleeneze catalogue was popped through today...flicked through it thinking yeah yeah, could get all that cheaper on Amazon...then got to the back page....and there was a whole set of tupperware...every conceivable shape and size!! Tupperware porn!!

WFEIT (great name btw) it does get much better. The first six weeks were the worst and I did bedtime stories for DS while breastfeeding DD for at least 4 months (DH virtually never home for bath/bed etc). I had a lot of help with the older one too but it is still hard-feeding round the clock sleep deprivation and guilt about the older one etc.
There were plenty of tears from all three of us along the way but now (DD 8 months DS 3 and a half) it is lovely-older one was buzzing around the kitchen being a bee today and stopped to kiss DD at least 5 times.

Much better now - ds 5 months. Was grumpy - actually very grumpy , would get very cross with dd, felt super protective towards ds and equally guilty for not feeling super protective to dd (3 when ds born). Used to have to go for drives jsut so I knew everyone was safe even if there was still a stressful atmosphere in car. The saving grace of it all was dd loves ds. felt very bad sending her to pre school every day (am) and hated it when she was ill. Now can cope with stuff again and able to prioritise dd again. It will get better, little by little and at some point you'll even notice that it is!

Phew - thank goodness it does get better! Feel like neither DC got much of a good deal this evening, DS2 got manhandled and fed in a less than relaxing way and probably a rather uncomfortable position, and DS1 got a cross Mummy reading him stories in a rush.

And the fab boy got undressed all by himself for the first time ever, as well. He deserves kisses, not crossness.

Had takeaway, small glass of wine, life looks possible again. And DP is at home all day tomorrow. Phew.