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Original poster

QUICK ADVICE NEEDED Dummies - going cold turkey and he's sobbing for it :(

24 replies

Pheebe · 07/04/2009 20:39

He's 4.5 so really really doesn't need them, only has them at bedtime anyway.

Dentist has confirmed what I knew, its pushing his bit out so we've decided to go cold turkey.

Buts he's sobbing for them and I feel like I'm torturing him

Should I stick to my guns or cave in?????

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Original poster

Pheebe · 07/04/2009 20:40

err bite

OP posts:

tummytickler · 07/04/2009 20:42

stick to your guns!!! If you give in now it will be even harder when you try to do it again. Resign yourself to the fact tonight might be crap, but this time next week, it will all be fine!

Original poster

Pheebe · 07/04/2009 20:44

I know you're right...

Will try more cuddles and reassurance

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thisisyesterday · 07/04/2009 20:45

personally, I would cave in.

my reasoning for that is only that: I believe that children do find a lot of comfort from non-nutritive sucking.
nature intends this to be through breastfeeding, and obv many people allow their children to self-wean, and those children would carry on nursing until they were ready (usually between 3-5 yrs I think)

so, my way of thinking is that if we are replacing nursing with something else (a bottle, dummy or thumb) then we should maybe still try and let the child end the relationship themselves to ensure they are emotionally ready for it.

Now, I do realise that having a dummy/bottle/thumb is NOT the same as nursing in the way it can affect the jaw and teeth, but personally if the affect it was having was minimal I would rather my child gave up their comfort in their own time iyswim?
I may think differently if I thought that it was going to severely damage their mouth or teeth though.

whatever way you look at it though I don;'t think cold turkey is the best way to go about it

bristols · 07/04/2009 20:46

I agree. Stick to it! Even though it's bloody hard. You decided to do this for a reason, and a very good reason at that, so remember that and keep going.
It'll probably be better even by tomorrow night.
Good luck!

Sawyer64 · 07/04/2009 20:47

I had to do this with my DS who was 4.Its hard but he'll have almost forgotten about it by tomorrow,and another night and he'll stop talking about it.

Just steel yourself for a "restless" night,and it probably won't be. Tell yourself its just yet another thing we have to do for "their own good".

We bought my DD1 some fish as she was such a "Big Girl" now,without her Dummy,and she could feed them herself etc.She told everyone that she had got some fish for being a big girl and giving up her Dummy.

bristols · 07/04/2009 20:49

by the way, did you discuss it with him and explain what was going to happen? I think that that's important, especially at his age. Maybe a reward might be in order?

Original poster

Pheebe · 07/04/2009 20:51

Thanks everyone, we're persevering for now

Thisisyesterday - I do agree with what you're saying and thats why I haven't tried to get him to sleep without them til now. Now the dentist has pointed it out I can see it is affecting his bite and his facial development and I figure he'll hate me more as a teenager if he has to have braces...

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MmeLindt · 07/04/2009 20:51

Stick to it.

DD was 3yo when we got rid of dummies and her teeth took ages to recover. She is now 6yo and has at last lost the overbite.

She cried for ages the first day/night but then hardly asked again.

Cuddle him, reassure him that you are there but don't give it back.

MmeLindt · 07/04/2009 20:53

oh, and the reward thing.

DD howled, "Tell the dummy fairy to come back and get her stupid present and bring me my dummy baaaack"

Twas very sweet really.

Original poster

Pheebe · 07/04/2009 20:53

bristols - yes we've talked about it at length and he's left 2 token dummies on a cushion for the 'fairy' to collect and she will be leaving him a present in the morning. He suggested this himself actually as his best friend's mum uses the 'fairy' trick alot.

Off for more cuddles now, thanks everyone will report back how we've got on

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Mayron · 07/04/2009 21:08

Really interested to hear how you get on. My DS was 4 at Christmas and loves his dummy - and I mean really loves it! I can't imagine him ever giving it up. We are due at the dentist in May and I do think it will be picked up on by our dentist. We seem to talk every day about sending his dummy to the dummy man but he just isn't ready to give it up. Doesn't help that DD (18 months) has a dummy too.

MmeLindt · 07/04/2009 21:11

Tbh, the worst thing for me about giving up the dummies (or rather DD giving up dummies, I haven't had one for years) was the anticipation of how horrible and traumatic it would be.

The reality was not that bad. DD still had a lunchtime nap so I took the dummy off her for the nap as I thought that it was a shorter period of time. By evening it was more of a token protest.

Original poster

Pheebe · 07/04/2009 21:30

Mayron - I think we've got a very similar gap, ds2 is 18 months as well

He's calm now but just does not know how to settle himself without the darn dummy. We shall persevere though...

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nbee84 · 07/04/2009 21:48

My dd didn't give up her dummy til gone 4 (only had it at bedtime). We'd tried quite a few things including leaving it out for Santa, fairies collecting dummies for new babies etc.

She started getting dry patches at the corners of her mouth and my Mum told her that it was the germs on her dummy coming out in the night and doing poos!

Not something I would have even thought of telling a child , but it worked and she told me herself that she didn't want her 'yucky' dummies anymore and went to bed sweet as sugar!

carries · 07/04/2009 21:50

Cave in. My DD1 had her dummy at night time until she was 4.5 then decided one night she would stop. She needed me or DH beside her till she went to sleep, and she talked herself to sleep but it would only take 5-10mins. This went on for weeks. But okay now. We tried cold turkey heaps of times, tbh not worth it. However if you've got this far in the evening...

I've probably not helped but I feel your pain! Good luck.

seeker · 07/04/2009 21:57

I would cave in. I just find it impossible to believe that sucking on a dummy for 10 minutes to get to sleep is going to make the slightest difference to his teeth. All day every day - then yes of course, but 10 minutes at bed time? Surely not!

angrypixie · 07/04/2009 22:00

How can you try cold turkey 'heaps of times'? Doesn't going cold turkey mean taking them all away & destroying them so there is no going back?

There is only 1 cold turkey.
MWAH HA HA

Original poster

Pheebe · 08/04/2009 08:14

Well he did it finally at 10pm, he asked me to go to bed so I'd be close and was asleep within 2 minute!

He's had his treat from the fairy and DH is taking him out later to choose a special toy.

We'll see how we go tonight

Thanks for your support everyone

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 08/04/2009 10:43

Well done Pheebeyboy. And Pheebe for holding firm.

Tonight will be better.

tummytickler · 08/04/2009 15:11

Yay! Well done! Every night it will get easier now.

Mayron · 08/04/2009 18:22

Well done. You've given me hope! Just out of interest - does your DS2 have a dummy and does it bother DS when he has it? has he mentioned it today? Is he ok about going to bed tonight without it?

Original poster

Pheebe · 09/04/2009 12:10

Well thats 2 nights down . He didn't ask for his dummies last night and finally settled about 8.30.

Mayron, yes ds2 does have dummies. DS1 hasn't had them in the day though for a good couple of years which I think helped alot.

I ahve to say I feel really really sad that we've succeeded. Like I've taken something special away from him . I know its for his own good but still...

OP posts:

dreamteamgirl · 11/04/2009 01:12

Thats great to read. I am still dreading when we have to get rid of them

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